It's Just Love!
by Angelight
Summary: Ever since high school, Usagi had thought herself in love with her roommate, Hiiro. And every night since her realization, she stays up to hear him come home from a date with Relena. Until one night..he comes home with a very different person, her sister
1. Crushed

The title is the name of one of the Gundam Wing songs. So … no genius there. ^_~ 

Thanks to all my wonderful editors! Behold! Aidenn Legacy, Usagi Asia Maxwell, DevilsDarling, Usa-chan, and Autumn Hime! ^^

Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing or Sailor Moon, and I don't plan to either. ^_~

…………………

Usagi leaned back into her pillow and glanced at her watch: 10:21. Still no Hiiro. 

__

Why do you even care, idiot Usagi? she questioned herself, miffed at her traitorous thoughts. Sniffing, she turned deep azure eyes to the white moon outside, ignoring her own question. Moonlight highlighted the room's creamy carpet and ivory-colored walls. 

Ever since they were kids, she and Hiiro had been what you might call friends. Of course, perhaps it would be wiser to assume after taking into consideration the fact that Hiiro considered Duo his friend, though the world as we know it would end before he admitted it, and the poor braided man was threatened with a handgun 24-7.

Hearing the front door open, Usagi averted her eyes from the moon imprisoned behind orderly blinds and strained her ears to hear the conversation of Hiiro and _this_ date. 

A girly voiced giggled and said, "Well, I'll see you tomorrow then, Hii-chan!"

Her roommate replied with a "Hn" before murmuring a barely audible good-bye and closing the door quietly.

It was that girl again ... Relena was it? Yes Relena. How could a girl compete with that? Not only was Relena rich and beautiful, her picture splashed across Newsweek and every respectable newspaper in the universe due to her increasing fame as a "beacon of peace", Hiiro had to protect her, which inadvertently brought the two even closer together.

This was her life. 

Ever since college began and staying in a comfortable one-story house with her parents ended, Usagi had shared an apartment with Hiiro, both preferring it to the college dorms. Hiiro had exploited the supposed fact that the girl he had grown up with would never come to like him in any manner past platonic, opting to stay with a person he could actually stand on a daily basis. She, on the other hand, had gone against reasonable pleas of her mind and decided to accept the offer in hopes of finally letting him see her as somebody worthwhile and intelligent, past his dismissal of her as a quick-tempered friend who was the only tolerable nuisance in his life. 

Of course, it must be noted that they were very rarely the only people present in the modest apartment. His and her friends came over so often that it seemed almost as if they lived there… Of course, it had been established quite early in their college years that neither his nor her friends would ever come all at once due to the fact that, as Hiiro so ably phrased it, "they'll burn down the whole damn neighborhood!"

But between Hiiro's friends and business associates' visits, more often than not behind closed doors, and her own pals' occasional sleepovers, there was hardly any time left to listen to the silence that Hiiro had never been the first to break. Naturally, she had been hurt when he demanded that she kept her nose out of his business affairs with Quatre Winner, Trowa Barton, Duo Maxwell, and Wufei Chang, only mumbling something along the lines of "provide … for the war" to her skeptical questions of what exactly this fledgling business did. However, she soon enough reasoned herself into thinking that if Hiiro could stand the giggles and squeals during the bimonthly sleepovers then she should count her blessings and keep her mouth shut about unnecessary privacy.

Come to think of it, she had never _really_ gotten along with the guy. Being the only person he could actually refrain from threatening wasn't the most glamorous position in the world. Besides, they were probably more like rivals, each shooting out taunts and barbs at the other, she in hopes of disguising unrequited affections and he … for the simple pleasure of knowing he could provoke her? Whatever the reason, she wouldn't know.

Every night, she went through the same routine to the point where it became a worn-out tradition that bugged her to no end – wait for Hiiro to come back from whatever date he was one with Relena and then eavesdrop on their conversation to detect signs of love. Can anybody say p-a-t-h-e-t-i-c? 

Why couldn't she just say the simple words? Her mind easily answered the ever-present question – she was afraid that once she bared her heart to him, he would recoil from her affections and never speak to her again. Though, bitterly, one would have to admit that that wouldn't be much of a change from the one-syllabled answers he offered her nowadays anyhow.

Sliding out from under warm covers, Usagi got up and peeked out from the crevice of her door. The kitchen light flickered on and she headed downstairs to greet him.

"Hey Hiiro," she smiled with a fake, awfully chirpy voice as she gazed down at him from her vantagepoint a few steps before stairs gave way to the living room carpet.

"Hn," he replied shortly. Why was she always so upset when he came home? Did she hate him that much? Sure, at times he might have gone a bit far, demanding privacy, silence, and order but was it too much to ask for? After all, he had a job to do – protecting the earth and colonies wasn't particularly easy when the weight was divided over only five shoulders – and the charade of convincing her he was in fact a businessman left him tense and alert at all hours of the day, afraid that something might slip out.

"So! How was your date?" she asked brightly, sitting down on the fifth step from the bottom and smiling cheerily up at him.

"Fine."

"What was her name? Relena, right?" she pressed onwards, forcibly quirking the corners of her mouth upwards in a sad attempt to look casual. Maybe if he had known better, he would have detected the slight inflection of the tone and the glassy sheen over sky-blue eyes, but he didn't know better.

"Yeah." He covertly gauged her reaction as he pulled the outer denim jacket he had on off and draped it over the back of an armchair. "How was your day?" he continued gruffly.

The answer came smoothly with ease that clearly told of practiced repetition. "Fine, yours?"

"Fine." He slumped in the armchair, chiseled face turned towards the blank TV screen that reflected a hazy figure back to those dark navy eyes.

The two bathed in silence for a moment before Usagi finally shifted and mumbled a, "Goodnight Hiiro" and got up to head back upstairs.

"Hn."

Smiling one last, whimsical smile at him, the blonde turned and trudged back up the stairs. Well, there goes another chance to tell him, but what did she expect? The cycle of tradition wasn't meant to be broken. They would forever question each other about their days and answer a straightforward "fine" whether it truly was or not. Afterwards, both would leave the other alone, out of courtesy, to go fulfill their own agendas.

Switching her light off, Usagi slipped under now cold covers and shivered as her body worked to warm them again. Glimmering blue eyes peered into the darkness of her room, striving to find answers that faded into dusk. 

Who made up the beloved quote "It is better to have loved and lost than never loved at all"? Whoever it was was obviously drunk when he had uttered it – from the looks of matters at hand, she would MUCH rather have never loved at all…

…………………

Please review or email me at angelight97@yahoo.com. Thanks for reading! Yours, Angel. ^_~


	2. Despair

Disclaimer: Sailor Moon belongs to Naoko Tekuechi and DiC and Gundam Wing belongs to Sotsu, Bandai, Sunrise, and anyone else that I am unaware of or did not mention.

As always, credit goes towards DevilsDarling, Usagi Asia Maxwell, Lady Artemis, and Autumn Hime for the editing of the chapter below. ^______^

…………………

Morning crept up to her with hope at hand. The desperate kind. The type of hope one clings to even when one knows her dreams are falling apart around her in a confused mixture of tinkling glass and glimmering shards. How many mornings had she woken up this way? Feeling as if she should cry but just couldn't?

Lying there and staring up at the sun-streaked ceiling, she resigned herself to thought. Whatever did she do wrong to deserve this kind of fate? She closed her eyes mournfully and wondered back to the time when she and Hiiro had first, truly met.

_Geometry. A.k.a. her worst class this year. She heaved a sigh of distaste before sinking into her chair and picking out her homework from the messy stack of papers shoved haphazardly into what might have passed for a binder half a year ago._

"All right, class, we'll check the proofs first. Miss Tsukino, how many steps did you get for the first problem?"

Usagi scowled darkly at the teacher. Why did he have to always pick on her?! "Five?" she squeaked, smiling uncertainly.

"Do you realize, Miss Usagi, that this proof was not possible with anything less than fourteen steps?" His voice was pleasantly nice, instantly alerting the danger alarms in her mind.

She glanced at him nervously, wondering whether or not that was a rhetorical question. "No?"

"That was a rhetorical question." She had guessed wrong. Again. 

"Mr. Yui. How did you complete this proof?" The professor turned and smiled adoringly at his best student.

"First step is the given. Then Angle Addition Postulate to come up with angles ABC and BDE..."

His voice droned on monotonously as the professor shot her pointed looks, obviously telling her this_ was what a _real_ student was like. She tried to ignore him to the best of her ability and instead glared for all she was worth at Mr. Perfect Student. He just _had_ to embarrass her every single day, didn't he? For once, could he not get a problem _wrong_? Likewise, could that monster of a professor not question her on a problem she got _right_?_

While glaring at the back of his shirt, she saw him turn and smirk at her before receiving the teacher's praise with a straight face. Usagi narrowed her eyes and fumed. 

One day, she was going to get him.

Was it not ironic that he had managed to get her? Letting a small pout touch her lips, she got up and traveled to the bathroom.

…………………

It was a nice day out – sunny with blue skies. She should be enjoying it like that couple holding hands, laughing, like that hotdog man in the corner, like that woman who had just dumped a can of soda down some poor defenseless man's shirt, like that girl tugging on … Hiiro's sleeve.

She blinked hard and did a sharp double take. So much for her theory that Hiiro had class on Thursday mornings. A smile automatically covered her face, hiding the frantic darting of her thoughts underneath the façade.

Taking shelter under a nearby willow tree, she glanced over at the two periodically. The, admittedly beautiful, couple had claimed a bench near her hiding spot and, from the looks of it, were talking. Duh.

A frown took residence on Relena's face before tears welled up in her eyes, resplendent under the effusive sunlight. Hiiro looked as guilty as Hiiro could ever have and placed a hesitant hand on the blonde Vice Foreign Minister's shoulder, speaking. Relena kept nodding her head at his statements. If the girl hadn't been interjecting a phrase here and there, Usagi would have thought she was barely listening. 

Then, to the sound of children's laughter, she walked away from him briskly, one hand shading her face from the morning sun. Dark, oceanic eyes followed the departing figure before Hiiro, too, stood and strolled in the direction of the apartment, chin to chest.

Suddenly left with only her own thoughts, her mind filled with hypothetical scenarios of what had just happened. Arching her neck and leaning back onto the knobby trunk, she gently pushed the hanging tendrils of the aged willow and watched them sway to her touch. The sun's rays streamed through green leaves, dappling cool grass and ivory skin … Ever so slowly, she found herself drifting into dreamland…

…………………

He glanced out the window at the gathering storm clouds and frowned to himself. _Where the hell was Usagi?_

All she had offered on her note to him was that she had gone to the park around nine-ish. The clock's solemn face displayed four o'clock p.m. to him. Was she at a friend's house? Shopping? But then again, more than once, she had "forgotten" to inform him of her whereabouts. Didn't she know he worried?

Grumbling about his roommate's irresponsibility, Hiiro grabbed his coat and exited via the door, wondering how many years this unnecessary concern was taking off of his life.

He instantly turned in the direction of the park and jogged there. Just as he arrived, a soft drizzle blurred his surroundings, forcing him to narrow his eyes as he scanned all the benches before disappointedly concluding that they were all empty.

Trees? …willow? Aha! Her favorite tree! Smirking at his own ingenuity, he half-jogged half-walked to the oldest tree in the park and found Usagi sleeping under the shelter of vine, mentally laughing at her predictability.

His eyes drank in the sight of her, noting the curled lashes and gentle rise and fall of her chest. They traveled to her cute nose and then downward to her slightly parted lips. Lips good enough to … He shook his head frustratedly and reluctantly moved to wake her.

Starting out with shaking her shoulder gently, a frown formed on his face as she didn't even stir. He shook it harder, and she, as if teasing him, turned over, moving her arm under her head as a makeshift pillow. Scowling, he yelled her name out loud but received no promising response. With narrowed eyes, he glared bleakly up at the dense foliage of slender leaves before suddenly remembering a time when Duo had joked about Usagi's sleeping habits. He frowned but then thought of the alternative choice – carrying her home – and grimaced. 

Oh well. Worth a shot. "Pancakes," he stated, very _not _amused.

"With syrup," she mumbled in response, sitting up and rubbing her eyes. She pondered why the sheets of her bed had suddenly grown grass while yawning and studying the vast green underneath her. Hold on … this wasn't her room! And … come to think of it, Hiiro never made pancakes. Something about unhealthy and troublesome.

Cerulean eyes blinked harder as Usagi tried to clear off the fog clouding them. She looked up to met the smug face of the person just recently occupying her thoughts.

"Pervert!" she yelped, jumping back and holding her arms around herself. Bemused thoughts flew around in her mind as the impact of her back against a tree trunk registered in her groggy mind.

He glowered at her. "This is the park."

Eyes wide, she relaxed and uttered a deflated, "Oh."

"You're awake." 

Briefly glaring at his sarcastic expression, she craned her neck to look around. "It's raining..."

"We sure are observant."

Anger running through her veins like venom, she smiled sweetly and batted her eyelashes, uttering a quick, "Who's we?" before jumping up and running off into the now pouring rain.

He started at her sudden movement as shock dulled his reflexes. "Hey!"

The still hardening rain poured down like cats and dogs and … _BOOM!_ … abruptly turned into a thunderstorm. Past the not-so-gentle pattering of the drops of water, his sensitive ears detected a small shriek as he urged his legs to go more quickly. 

Scared out of her wits, Usagi raced back in the direction she knew Hiiro was in and before long, the striking nineteen-year-old found himself being clung to by a whimpering girl dashing past the curtain of gray rain in a blur of color. He mentally sighed and tried to loosen her grip around his numbing arm but to no avail.

Frustrated, he warned, "If you don't let go right now, we're going to be staying outside in the rain, with the _thunder _for quite a while."

This triggered an instant reaction, and he soon felt his slowly reviving arm hanging limply at his side. He grimaced and shook it out before glancing back up at Usagi, eyes and heart softening. 

Once glorious golden hair was rain-soaked and hanging limply in front of deep, jittery azure eyes and clinging to the curves of her pale face. Lips he had just previously been studying trembled in fear and the cold as her bare arms wrapped around her chest, not mitigating the bitter assault of the rain upon delicate shoulders. He sighed to himself and gently pulled her close, walking homewards.

Another bout of thunder followed the first and the girl within his tight embrace shuddered and squeezed her eyes shut, instinctively tightening her hold around him. He had to smirk before mentally rolling his eyes at his roommate's incessant fear of thunder and led her through the apartment door.

"I would take a shower if I were you," he advised offhandedly before walking into the only bathroom of the apartment and pressing the lock down with a click. 

She stood outside of the bathroom, wide-eyed, as the sound of running water was heard over the distant drumming of the rain. Gritting her teeth and forming fists at her sides, she made a face at the closed door and, walking carefully so that the carpet escaped as much soaking as possible, she entered her bedroom and changed. 

Wringing her long and wet hair out, she frowned and wondered how Hiiro could be so understanding and sweet one moment and absolutely horrid the next. 

__

Must be a guy thing.

…………………

Hiiro allowed the hot water to run over his body and closed his eyes ponderously, thinking. How was it possible for a person to fall asleep under a willow tree and not wake up for seven hours? Turning to rinse the shampoo out of his hair, he quickly concluded, _Must be a girl thing_. 

__

Correction: Must be an Usagi thing.

…………………

Grabbing a towel and wrapping it around his waist after drying his wet hair, Hiiro exited the bathroom and met the eyes of a glaring and expectant Usagi, shivering from the raindrops that had not yet evaporated.

"Cold?" he smirked before brushing past her and traveling towards his own room.

Fuming, Usagi stomped into the bathroom and slammed the door with an earth-shattering bang, mentally wondering if that ad she had written up a while ago on finding a new roommate had escaped the trash can…

…………………

Dinner was a quiet and simple affair, as usual. The rain had subsided a bit and provided a soothing, natural background. 

"I'm leaving this Saturday."

"Another business trip?"

"Hn."

She had learned by now that it was a waste of breath to comment on this brief reply.

A moment of silence followed before, "Relena already knows. If she happens to come by, you can either let her in or ignore her." His voice sliced through the silence before he got up and walked to the sink, dumping empty dishes in with a slight clatter. 

__

Ah, so that was the reason behind Relena's tears. She had been foolish to believe otherwise. But then again, why would Relena cry over a simple business trip? Even _she _couldn't be that obsessed, right?

"I see."

"Goodnight," he mumbled before exiting. 

The sound of his door closing reached her ears before Usagi echoed, in a whisper, "Goodnight." 

She picked up her own dishes and decided to leave them in the sink for Hiiro to wash the next morning. Walking up the stairs, slowly taking them two at a time, she entered her room, not bothering to flip the lights on. 

Crawling under the covers, she held still, listening to the rain outside and blindly staring out the window, streaked with water. 

__

Hiiro's business trips are occurring more and more often her sleepy mind noted before heavy lids dipped over light blue, and she surrendered herself to slumber.

…………………

Thanks for reading! Please leave a review or email me at angelight97@yahoo.com. Yours, Angel. ^_______^


	3. Shock

Disclaimer: *sigh* Who do you think I am? I think by now most of you (the more sane ones) have gotten the point that I don't own Gundam Wing or Sailor Moon. As for the occasional few of you all (the insane ones) who live to sue poor defenseless authors (ignore looks that say 'PUHlease!'), I do own Gundam Wing and Sailor Moon. You see, earthlings, I'm really an alien. Yes, that's how I know everything about you ... yes, including what you ate for breakfast. And we extraterrestrials have actually already covertly taken control of Earth. Mwaha. Ha. Ha. Ha. (I have yet to learn the art of laughing) Since I now own Earth, I own everything on it (yes, including what you ate for breakfast) which goes far beyond puny things like Gundam Wing and Sailor Moon. Mwaha. Ha. Ha. Ha.

If you weren't insane enough to believe it and haven't rushed to the phone to call 911: I was just kidding. Please don't sue me for saying I own Gundam Wing or Sailor Moon and please don't shoot me for calling Gundam Wing and Sailor Moon puny. ^^ 

Thank you my earthling editors. You have great knowledge for a weird-looking species (cringes from the hateful looks thrown in my direction). I thank you and when our rule of your world is revealed, you shall not be exterminated. You can continue to be my editors. Be honored, humans. Er, um, what are your names again? Human names are so difficult to remember. Mine is much easier -- Herrrrifodpsafjekwan. It's in the throat. Ah yes! You are called SerenityMoon, UsagiAsiaMaxwell, DevilsDarling, and AutumnHime. 

Warnings: 

~ A _very_ out of character Hiiro (not the typical way though ... you'll see)

~ Several _very_ moronic and insensitive pilots (the usual way but even more so)

~ And a Relena that is, get this, actually _nice. _(Please don't hate me for not hating Relena.) 

Plus: The ending made me feel absolutely horrible for Usagi ... but I must mention that I have never felt bad for my characters even at the beginning of the fic when her plight was so obvious or even when Hiiro left her to travel to some 'far off land' in Pretty Lies.

…………………

As always, Usagi went with Hiiro to the airport. When the business trips had first gotten underway, she had offered to go with him so that she could drive the car back home and be able to use it while he was away. Though they both knew it was just an excuse for her to see him off, they had also both come to fall back on it. Because, frankly, even when he wasn't away on business trips, Hiiro had a tendency of hogging the car, leaving her with only one mode of transportation -- her own two feet. It didn't really matter to her -- all of the places she needed to get to were within walking distance, but at least the car disposed of the threat of being run over.

Also as usual, the drive there was filled with Usagi's nervous chatter, tainted occasionally with Hiiro's sharp comments and invariable answers -- hn. At long last, reaching the rather distant airport, they walked into the freezing air conditioning and met up with Hiiro's business associates -- Duo Maxwell, Trowa Barton, Quatre Raberba Winner, and Chang Wufei. 

How Duo associated with anything that even hinted towards business bewildered her. With a mischievous spirit, childlike mind, and virtually no common sense, his head and waist length braid were continuously in danger of losing their connection to his body. 

Trowa's job as a businessman was also a mystery. Though she saw him just about every other Saturday, he had never spoken more than those two memorable words -- "Trowa Barton." And that too was only because Duo had prodded him, urging him to introduce himself.

Quatre's career in business was much more conceivable. With the features of some heavenly being and the heart of one too, Quatre still remains the only one in the group to offer any apologies or compromises. Maybe he doesn't realize it, but every time he interjected to placate Hiiro, Wufei, or both, he adds his name to the list of endangered species. Only once had she seen him fatally in the path of danger, but once was fairly enough. He had gallantly stepped in front of Wufei's katana before, allowing Duo to scamper away and getting his cheek nicked as Wufei lunged in the process.

Wufei. She doubted he would make a horrendous businessman, that is, as long as he is kept away from 'weak onnas' and 'braided bakas'. If not, he would abandon his work and instead furiously rant about one or the other with injections of various vulgar expressions from a staggeringly wide variety of languages. He would then start chasing Duo, if it happened to be the braided idiot who had invaded his space, undeniably doing much damage to his efficiency.

Another person stepped into view, a person with long, dusty blonde hair and lazuli eyes that at times seemed to match her own. Catching sight of the small group of six, the girl's face lifted a bit, and she hurried over. At age nineteen, Relena could just as well be the apotheosis of womankind. She was attractive and intelligent, both characteristics that Usagi thought she herself didn't have. Relena was also politically powerful and respected universally, also things that Usagi lacked. Usagi looked down attentively at the ground, trying to hide the envy that was undoubtedly distorting her face.

During the brief moment that she had looked down, another argument had taken place and already, a livid Chinese in a suit was waving a pair of scissors while pursuing the panicked but grinning Duo. The airline attendant standing at the gate looked on fearfully before stepping away from her post and snatching Wufei's arm. 

"Please, sir, no weapons are allowed in this airport," she chided in as civil of a voice as she could assemble, while keeping her eyes locked on the pair of scissors in his upraised hand. 

"Go away," Wufei snarled in her direction before diving for Duo again, but, with astonishing strength, the attendant held him back.

"_Please_ sir. Or I'll have to report you to security," she endeavored to make peace again. Perhaps not caring to delay his business trip, Hiiro walked up to Wufei, snatched the pair of potentially lethal scissors from his hand, and tossed them into a nearby trashcan while Quatre moved with precision for the attendant and apologized profusely. 

Turning her eyes away from the scene that they were making and trying her best to hide her face from the curious looks they were collecting, she met Relena's inquiring eyes.

"I'm Relena. You're Usagi, right?" she queried, and Usagi nodded mutely in reply, reflecting the other blonde's smile.

"So you're the girl Hii-chan talks about so often. Or rather, as constantly as Hiiro's 'constantly' gets," Relena mused, cracking a feeble smile.

Usagi reminded herself not to balk at the intimate endearment that Relena had awarded Hiiro with and curled her lips up into a smile again, ejecting a short burst of laughter. "I didn't know I was that popular," she replied effortlessly, half in jest and half in earnestness.

"Considering you two have been roommates for so long, I expected you two to know each other," the pacifist princess countered in an authentically baffled tone.

Usagi shrugged carelessly and optimistically came back with a, "Let's just say that talking to each other would be a nice change."

"W-"

A polished and overly courteous voice came over the intercom, curtailing Relena's question. "Flight 263HFG will now be boarding rows one through sixteen at Gate forty-eight. Please proceed to the gate immediately. Flight 263HFG to Los Angeles, California, is now boarding at Gate forty-eight. Thank you."

"That's us," Duo grinned enthusiastically and swung a duffel bag over his shoulder. The others each nodded a silent goodbye to the both of them with only Quatre offering a smile, and walked away.

After the five of them vanished into the passageway to the plane, Relena turned back to her, eyes downcast.

"Why are you so worried?" Relena finally broke the silence after both watched the plane diminish to nothing. 

Usagi flinched. "Huh?"

"You're worried. Why?" 

Usagi sighed and at last came up with a fairly suitable answer. "I'm a worrying type of person," she paused to grin at the girl beside her who could very well be her worst enemy and continued, "Besides, the last time they came back ... all bloodied and injured doesn't help ease my worries." 

The last time had been two weeks prior to this Saturday. The guys had left for an entire week because of Spring Break rather than their usual two-day weekend trips. When they came back, she had been mortified and more at the sight of cuts, bruises, and broken ribs. Hiiro had brushed away her suspicions and demands, explaining with indifferent brevity that there was a car accident and due to school starting soon, they had decided to rush back rather than staying and mending.

Relena nodded and cast her eyes downward for a moment. "I don't know why I came here," she finally voiced, still looking down at her lap.

"What? You're here because of Hiiro, of course!" 

"You haven't heard?" the other blonde looked at her in disbelief. "I thought ... being roommates and all..." her voice faded, and she shook her head slowly. "Hiiro and I broke up a few days ago."

Stunned silence encompassed the two girls as both, deep in thought ignored the going-ons of the airport around them.

"I guess you were right when you said you two don't really talk. I'd thought for sure ... never mind."

"Thought for sure what?"

Relena faltered and peeked up fretfully in her direction. "Well, you know, that you two had..." she paused to smile nervously, "...you know, being roommates for so long and seeing each other daily…"

Lapis eyes enlarged as Relena expressed her worries. "I-I saw you two break up," Usagi finally told her, not daring to look up at Relena's undoubtedly speechless expression. "I'd thought you were worried about this trip too ... Hiiro told me you might visit during his trip so I assumed that you had cried because of it," she finished quickly and studied her twiddling thumbs with interest.

"Guess we've both got our stories pretty messed up, huh?" Relena broke the dreariness cheerfully. Usagi laughed her agreement.

"Are you interested in him?" The question slipped out accidentally, and the wheat-haired girl hurriedly covered her mouth with her hand. "I'm sorry; it's none of my business."

The odangoed girl didn't seem to hear her second remark and was blushing furiously and glancing cautiously up at Relena. 

Smiling despondently at Usagi's apparent response, she murmured, "Don't worry, I know we're not meant to be. Go for him." 

Already wide eyes widened further as Usagi impulsively squealed and hugged the other girl. Relena's eyes widened after the initial period of wordless shock and then in desperation. "Please, Usagi, you're..." Unable to go on, she made meaningful choking noises while pointing frantically at her throat. 

Usagi, still not getting the message, stared at her before a familiar face popped past her peripheral view and into her line of vision.

"Please, miss, no choking others is allowed in this airport," the attendant who had previously tried to calm Wufei pleaded.

…………………

Usagi couldn't remember feeling so excited ever since .... her seventh birthday party with that delicious cake and all those presents. Her hair had been brushed until it shone and then meticulously redone in its usual buns with streamers style. She smiled at her reflection and omitted makeup. Having never bothered to use it, she hardly knew how anyway. 

The brightly-colored, floral-printed sundress was cool and soft to the touch. She wiggled around in it a little bit, liking the feel of the unknown material against her skin before glancing at the clock on the living room wall. Grabbing the preordered lilies and the car keys, she slipped into informal flip-flops and just about skipped out to the car.

The instant she unlocked the door, she was greeted by a familiar face.

"Hey, Usagi," Relena welcomed undauntedly. Though the past thirty minutes of sneaking into the car and waiting there had been more than a little dull, she managed a jubilant smile.

A short scream tore it's way out of Usagi's throat before she turned eyes armed with daggers in Relena's direction.

"How did you get into this car?" she demanded, stepping into the car herself and slamming the door shut.

Relena recounted the story as they drove to the same airport where Usagi's life had taken a drastic turn. Apparently a few weeks prior to this Sunday, Duo had suggested a game of Sardines and due to much blackmailing, the others and she had agreed. Being the initiator of the game, Duo had demanded to be the one to hide, and since they _were_ at her mansion, Relena had been the first to find him. 

The door had then accidentally gotten locked, leaving Duo and herself stuck in the small storage room he had chosen. It was in there that he had taught her just how to pick a lock. After finally getting out, they had found the house short of a few, four, people who should have been looking for them ... which led to her suspicions that the door wasn't locked _accidentally_ after all.

After much giggling over the items used as blackmail, they arrived at the airport and entered the deliciously freezing building for the second time. 

"Why did I let you convince me into doing this?" Usagi groaned, just about to nonchalantly drop the lilies in a nearby trash can.

Relena sighed with irritation, having already memorized the explanation that she had recited to Usagi a million times and over. "Because now is the best time, and you have to tell him sooner or later."

They approached the gate, Usagi quaking with fear and Relena smiling encouragement.

The same all too poised tone echoed in the vast emptiness of the airport, "Flight 193GRF from Los Angeles, California has now arrived. Flight 193GRF from Los Angeles is now deboarding at Gate sixteen. Thank you."

Usagi perceptibly stiffened at this and, gripping the lilies, walked up to the gate. People started pouring out from the temporary hallway connecting airplane to airport, and she snarled with irritation. Trying her hardest to balance on tiptoes, she looked over the shoulders of the many, many, _tall_ men and women in front her. 

After a few minutes the crowd had diminished drastically, leaving a few stragglers, herself, and Relena behind.

"Where are they?" she muttered worriedly.

"Oh there they are!" Relena cried, pointing excitedly.

She watched, breath catching at her throat, as Duo, Trowa, Wufei, and Quatre exited the hall and smiled at them before turning and waiting for the final member of their group.

Hiiro finally came walking out with a ... blonde girl by his side ... and his arm draped offhandedly over her shoulder.

The girl halted in wonder and eyed Usagi. Usagi, in turn, stared back. 

"Usagi, Relena, meet Minako Aino. I met her in LA," filled the silence tonelessly.

Usagi's eyes widened further, if that were possible, and she glanced from Hiiro to Minako and then Hiiro again.

Thrusting the lilies sloppily into Hiiro's arms, she staggered up to the still startled blonde. He glanced at the fresh flowers, mentally sighed, and put them in Duo's outstretched hands. Grinning devilishly, the braided boy held them out to Wufei and promptly proposed. Not long after, shouting ensued once again.

"Mina-chan?" she asked tentatively to the background of mad giggles and enraged cries.

"Usa-chan?" the girl replied with just as much hesitation, ignoring the din around them just as effortlessly as Usagi had.

"You guys know each other?" Duo asked, eyes dancing, finally slowing down. Wufei caught up with him and proceeded to stuff the much-battered lilies into his mouth. 

"You can take that as an **_over my dead body _**to your proposal," he snapped and stalked away.

Completely unaware of the new installment of the Duo vs. Wufei war, Usagi's eyes remained trained on the girl in front of her. "Know each other?" she repeated breathlessly. "She's my sister." Hiiro glanced quickly. If he had been an average guy, he would have gaped and let his jaw hit the carpeted floor of the airport.

Usagi was far more than a little surprised. Full-blown shock would even seem mild compared to what she felt at the moment. Minako ... and Hiiro? Together? She would find the irony and coincidence of this situation hilarious if her heart weren't tearing apart just like the lilies she had brought. Tears rushed to her eyes, and she saw Minako's eyes water as well. Quatre was smiling at them_. They think these are elated tears_, she realized sharply.

"Minako will be moving here," Hiiro informed her. Usagi looked up to stare at him, tears still in her eyes.

"S-sure," she spluttered and left it at that.

Watching the whole scene, Relena would have rolled her eyes had she not been worrying for Usagi. Why are they all so stupid? Can't they see that the flowers _meant_ something? Stupid morons. She sighed and glanced at the new member of their group. Trust Hiiro to be an insensitive blockhead.

…………………

Anyhow, I realize how harsh the lily thing was, and I apologize but ... I dunno, I still wanted to keep it. And I realize how completely out of character Hiiro is and how, yes **Vixen**, he seems like a player ... after all, he dumped Relena and then five days later, he finds Mina. I guess the lily thing was more of a way to emphasize that Hiiro is still pretty much unemotional and an 'insensitive blockhead'. 

Constructive criticism, pointless notes, reviews, poems dedicated to my great skill as a writer, love letters proclaiming undying love and limitless reviews, essays written about my general wonderfulness, lists of not too flattering adjectives that can describe me and my writing, and virtual letter bombs from the 'Hiiro is Not A Player Club' (meeting this coming Monday at the intersection of the equator and 150 degrees West -- yeah, it's in the middle of the Pacific Ocean, you got a problem with that?! -- at 2:00 PM central time) are all welcome and accepted with many hugs and tears. ^^


	4. Memories

Okay, just a few notes - this is approximately 42 pages long. I tried to organize this, but it didn't turn out too well. It seems to take on the note of a history book almost. And a bad one at that. ^^''' Good luck … you'll need it. ^^

Disclaimer: I don't own GW or SM or the picture of Soujiro I was staring at the whole time and envisioning when writing this. I don't own Ayashi no Ceres (which I borrowed a general idea from). I do however, own the original characters in this chapter … but go ahead. I don't care if you take them.

Thanks to: My editors as always. How many emails did I have to squeeze this into? Five? Six? I forgot. ^^ Also thanks to one of my best friends for being a wonderful inspiration without realizing it. Hopefully she knows who she is … And lastly, thanks to all the people I should give thanks to. Heck, I thank everybody in this world. I'm sure they all have a part in my writings…

**Warnings:** Other than that it's long? 

~ For the most part, it is rather pointless. It serves as an explanation for the rest of the story. Read it if you want to understand the rest of this fic. That's not a threat. ^^ 

~ Some events that are from the _real _Gundam Wing are extremely off and some are combined to make a new scene. All in all, don't trust my account of events. Because I checked them. And they're definitely wrong. ^^

~ There is virtually no story sequence. Random events for the most part that seemed to have a huge impact on the main topic's life … there is a little bit of sequence though…I hope?

~ If you're the type of person who reads solely for romance (which I have to admit I am) this chapter is not only dull but also … uh … really dull. ^^'''

~ And I post this knowing that I can remove it whenever I want. :D

…………………

__

One hundred and thirty-one months prior to present … ten years and eleven months

"Are you ready?" the voice that seemed to make him travel back in time and remember a similar rich tone, often filled with disappointment but colored and made brilliant by laughter jerked him out of his thoughts. He nodded and cracked a small smile to show that not only was he ready, he was confident.

"Well then, you know what to do. If all goes well, we'll meet up again in Central Conference Room B." The speaker smirked down at him, and he copied that expression, voicing his opinion of the plan -- "Roger that."

The man's apparently humorous mood suddenly turned stern and vigilance took hold again as he looked around. "Remember, you're supposed to be my son ... after all, since you have no name, relations or past memories..."

The admonition had been expected, and the Hiiro from over a decade ago smirked a smirk that would carry over one decade to the present. "Roger that, _Dad_."

Previous mood returning, the "dad" smiled and nodded, leaving an eight-year-old boy standing alone in the sterile halls of a place where hardly a person was his friend.

Not long after, his assignment was completed. Of course, it wasn't because he was careless or negligent -- he aimed carefully and fired, making sure it produced the correct results. Slipping from shadow to shadow as he hurried down unfamiliar halls, chaos ensued around him. People rushed from room to room as bright lights flashed here and there, making it much more difficult for him to stay in the darkness. Apparently his "dad" had succeeded too...

Conference Room B was eerily deserted compared to the havoc and unrest going on just on the other side of the door. The only people there were a boy and a man. 

"Go, boy, live your life as it should be ... unlike mine ... I'm not the type of person to take advice from but no matter what, always live by your emotions..." The man lying on the floor muttered, smiling even as blood bubbled from the fresh and fatal wounds upon him.

"I'll go secure an escape route," he stated but then trailed off when the man shook his head.

"No, just go … maybe I _am _too old for this…"

Hiiro, having only been taught tact and not emotion nodded, murmured an apologetic farewell, and fled the building as quickly as he could ... leaving the one man he could ever remember calling father behind.

Night found him walking along the streets, no longer having a place to go. With his partner he had always had a (very nice) place for the night. He was seriously considering just lying down in an alley and falling asleep. After all, any person who attacked him should probably be looked upon with more pity than he.

"Would you like to pilot a Mobile Suit, boy?" an aged voice wheezed from behind him, and he whirled around to peer into the darkness of the alley he had just considered sleeping in. In the shadows sat a man ... an old man, looking at him from behind darkened glasses. "Well, would you?" the man repeated, laughing a bit at his wariness and smiling in satisfaction at it as well.

"Why not?" he shot back nonchalantly and stepped closer to the man.

_Go live your life as it should be ... and always live by your emotions..._

He smiled and took the man's outstretched hand in a tepid handshake. 

__

I will, Dad...

**** __

I can't stand to fly,

I'm not that naïve,

__

One hundred and ninety-two months prior to present … sixteen years and three months

"Daddy, does Santa Claus exist?"

Prussian blue eyes looked down at the youngster in his lap and then narrowed into crescents as the owner of them smiled.

"Hee-chan, Santa is as real as you believe him to be."

Young, still untroubled eyes turned quizzical at this. "What's that mean?"

A new voice broke into their midst. "It means that Santa is as real as the feelings of love and compassion you have **[1]**." The owner smiled warmly down at the cute picture that father and son made and offered the silver platter of fresh-baked chocolate chip cookies. Her dark, dark chestnut eyes sparkled at the sudden light in her child's eyes reflected by the same sudden light in the father's eyes.

Both made a grab for the cookies and started gobbling them down as the mother sighed with exasperation. What in the world made her marry him...?

Finishing the entire platter of chocolatey goodness, both father and son sat back down.

"But why do my presents always have _Made in Mexico_ or _Made in China _on them instead of _Made in the North Pole_, Mommy?" the child demanded, obviously not convinced with the answer he had received.

Mahogany eyes darted sideways to meet lazuli ones as both parents thought quickly.

"Ano ... maybe Santa bought them from there," the mother suggested weakly, trying to conjure up a believable face.

"Or maybe he stole them from there..." Hiiro's father added with a deep laugh. The laugh didn't last long before his eyes bugged out in shock at the blow his wife dealt him. "What?!"

"Shame on you for putting such ideas in your son's head!" 

"Shame on _you_ for displaying violence before our son!" he countered, smirking as her face went blank.

She directed an embarrassed smile down at the wide eyes that her son had inherited from his father and muttered in a tone that made the man beside her shuddered due to all the sugar forcibly crammed into it, "We'll continue this _later._"

The toddler had long lost interest in the antics of his parents and had run upstairs and returned, teddy bear almost as big as he was in hand. 

His mother, happier mood returning giggled lightly at the sight of her son taking tiny steps as he tried to support the weight of the bear. 

"Heero's sleepy," he informed them earnestly, letting go of a yawn to prove it. The demonic look on his mother's face returned.

"Well why don't Heero go to bed now?" she suggested. 

Catching his wife's drift, the husband hastily countered with, "Why don't Heero stay up a bit longer? We could wait for Santa!" As Heero's eyes drooped with sleepiness, his heart and hope drooped with them. He sighed, glanced at his wife's still devious look, and stood up to pick Heero up, bear and all. Swinging him around once, he began climbing up the stairs. 

The average suburban family in the average suburban neighborhood with their cheery Christmas lights shining along with others down the street and the teasing but loving family that resided inside the average two-story house is what gave birth to the greatest killer of all time...

**__**

I'm just out to find

The better part of me

__

One hundred and eighty months prior to present … fifteen years

The dream was hazy, of a pair of warm hazel eyes staring down at him, forever smiling and then ... without much drama the darkness engulfed them and smothered them to nothingness. Before he even had the chance to scream aloud, a harsher, but in a sense, more beautiful pair, hard-edged and emerald green with facets that allowed it to shine almost magically replaced the previous ones. He woke up with a jerk, sat up, and laid his head upon his knees. 

"Are ... Hee-chan, how do you always do that? Heh, the instant I come to wake you up, you wake up!"

Furtively drying his eyes on the Power Ranger decorated cotton of his pajamas, he looked up and smiled happily at the real life counterparts of the hazel eyes in his dream.

"Saa, get up, breakfast will be served soon," the mother informed him in a sing-song voice and then waltzed back to the kitchen from where he heard mutters of how silly she looked waltzing and then mock angered replies of look who's talking. Ah well, the dream will have to wait but breakfast ... and the presents! Those can't wait...

Letting go of a short "Yatta!", he hopped off his similarly Power Ranger covered sheets and scrambled into the bathroom to greet his Power Ranger toothbrush, Power Ranger shower curtain, Power Ranger soap, Power Ranger shampoo, Power Ranger wallpaper, and Power Ranger tissue box. **[2] **

Hastily, he grabbed the toothbrush and squeezed a far more than ample amount of toothpaste onto it before sticking it into his mouth. The sound of vigorous and hurried brushing filled the bathroom and leaked out into the halls. Not long after and probably a lot earlier than he should have, he rinsed. Finally, splashing three not altogether well aimed handfuls of water towards his face that dotted the mirror with beads of silver liquid, he ran out to the kitchen but only after clearing his eyes with a Power Ranger infested sleeve.

"Oi, Heero! You're up!" a pair of dark blue eyes greeted him cheerily as strong hands hoisted him up and spun him around once, much to the dismay of the other occupant of the house due to the duo's proximity to the burning stove. After setting the now one year older child down in his seat at the table, an accusing finger was thrusted into the father's face.

"What do you think you're doing?! Do you realize how hazardous that could have been?" She knew she had lost the instant two blank faces that clearly suggested, "Why are you mad at us?", turned to her. Muttering about the unfairness of secret weapons, she didn't catch the smile father and son exchanged behind her back.

Not long after, a plate, stacked high with pancakes appeared before the youngster's ecstatic eyes and watering mouth. Both father and son displayed predatorial looks on their faces before two silver forks flashed and attacked the poor defenseless pancakes. The mother sighed and walked out of the room, apparently not wanting to watch the massacre of pancakes. From the open doorway that was across from a window, Heero watched his mother sneak out to their neighbor's house and then sneak back with a big, wrapped up box. 

"Daddy?" he questioned, fork held immobile in the air. 

"Hmmm?" his father replied, between gigantic bites of the syrup-soaked pastry. 

"When can I open my present? And why does Mommy's friend have to keep it until today?"

Leaning back, the older version of Heero patted his mouth with a napkin. "Saa ... why don't we wait until this afternoon? As for why we couldn't keep the present, you'll see."

"This afternoon!" the child cried out with something akin to horror pooling in his eyes. 

"Ignore your father, he's lying. You can open it now. Besides, I'm not sure it can survive until this afternoon in _this_," a voice broke in their midst, tinged with annoyance, directed completely at the father.

"Yatta!" he exclaimed and hopped down from his seat, reaching upwards for possession of the box. 

"Be careful with it," the mother prompted, gingerly placing it in four-year-old hands. 

In response, she received an absentminded nod. Looking at the heavier than he had expected box quizzically, his eyes fairly popped out when the box seemed to shift its weight to the corner away from his right hand, tilting the box precariously out of balance. Before he could close his eyes and wait for it to drop, his mother's hands reached out and supported it. From inside he could hear a soft, indignant, and half-frightened cry followed by what could have passed as the brushes of fabric against fabric. 

Half-frightened and half-mesmerized, he set the box down gently and stepped back a step, simply staring at it. 

"Well, are you going to open it?" his father urged him, nudging him forward the step he had stepped back. Plopping down in front of the box, he tore the wrapping paper with vigor that made his mother wince and finally unearthed a brown cardboard box with holes scattered sporadically, as if some tiny tree had grown atop it, poking through the box with its growing roots. 

Slowing down after his destruction of the wrapping, he opened the box almost reverently and timidly stared in. 

"Mew," the creature greeted him with as much timidity as he had when opening the box. Its ginger fur stuck out in odd angles from too much tumbling around in the box and bright blue eyes that were clearer than his own stared at him. It sat in an awkward position, fore legs spread out a bit too far as if to keep its balance, hind legs resting, and tail whipping around hyperactively. The fronts of its paws were capped with snowy fur with only one exception which was splotched with it, as if some careless child had dribbled paint upon it. It mewed again, revealing little sharp teeth. 

"Wai..." he breathed and stuck out a hand to pet it. It was welcomed with a slight touch of a quivering pink nose and then two front paws clasping at a finger in clumsy but adorable manner. 

"You're name will be ... Tangelo, Jello for short," he heard himself stating in a firm voice. 

"Tangelo, ne?" Hazel eyes smiled down at him. Four-year-old hands finally reached in and picked the kitten up, almost as clumsily as the feline had grabbed onto his finger. Petting it a bit, he watched with amusement as the cat pounced at its tail, attacking it and then settling to grooming it. Picking the kitten up again, he held him up to his father and said in a solemn voice, "Tangelo meet Daddy. Daddy, Tangelo."

The father received the kitten unceremoniously and held it up to his face. Tangelo responded with a wide yawn. 

"Oh, you think I'm boring do you? Well, I think you're boring too," he retorted and set the suddenly tired animal back down next to Heero. 

"Happy fourth birthday, honey," his mother congratulated him and pecked him on the cheek.

That night, after much coaxing from both frustrated parents while a sleepy Heero dozed, the kitten quieted after a tantrum. And after carrying the birthday boy up to his bedroom and tucking him in, the animal curled up next to the boy and purred until it joined the boy in dreamland. Both mother and father tiptoed downstairs with soft smiles and silent whispers.

**__**

I'm more than a bird

I'm more than a plane

__

One hundred and thirty months prior to present … ten years and ten months

****

"Hiiro Yui," a voice carried through the doorway before the speaker stepped into the lab. 

He looked up, eyes signaling a question that was only perceivable by the doctors. 

"That will be your new name, boy. Do you know who he is?" 

"Hn," he muttered, again eyes signaling a near-invisible yes. 

"Just like Mr. Yui, you will be the symbol of peace for the colonies. Remember that, Hiiro. You are _the _symbol, not _a _symbol. Keep that in mind," the doctor commanded and strode out, not bothering to catch the boy's last distracted nod.

Something bubbled up in his mind at the name and then faded again, bubbled, faded, bubbled, faded ... Over the years he had managed to convince his purged mind that he had always been like this -- without memories or emotions. Born like it, you might say. That was much easier to deal with than the devastating thought that he had once had the gemlike emotions, once possessed them, once was normal, once was okay, once was ... human. Thinking that he was naturally without a conscience made it easier to cope with the uncalled for moments of longing or feelings of inexplicable happiness or even hoards of sadness. 

Over time his mind had started accepting the idea. What an amazing thing the human mind is, willing to adjust to its owner's wishes and provide sympathy by allowing memories to fade into voids of velvety light. 

"Hiiro Yui," he murmured to himself, letting it slide over his tongue with ease. He was a symbol of hope now? Like the normal stresses of adolescence wasn't enough ... of course, he was far from normal ... naturally he didn't experience attacks of the hateful puppy love or even strands of friendship ... and he'd personally like to keep it that way...

…_right?_

****

I'm more than some pretty face,

Beside a train

__

One hundred and sixty-eight months prior to present … fourteen years and ten months

"Boy! What are you doing here?!" a tall woman with her hair tied back in a restricting and harsh bun screeched at him, trying to aim a large hand at his face with as high a success rate as cloning. **[3]**

He dodged nimbly, limbs well oiled with practice, and danced out of hitting range.

"Where did my mother go? Onegai, tell me," he said, voice allowing only one quiver to reveal his true uncertainty.

Obviously fulminating at her missed slap, the woman's frowning face transformed into a wicked smile. "Your mother was a no-good little whore. And you're no better. She left because she no longer cared for you and thought you'd-"

"Shut up!" he screamed at her with tears decorating his cheeks and turned to run before rough hands grabbed the restricting collar of his shirt. 

"Wait until your father hears of this," the woman narrowed already slitted eyes and snarled. Livid blue eyes stared back defiantly at her as he thought of something to say ... something to hurt this woman who had hurt his mother and himself so much ... The need came as somewhat of a shock ... when had he had a need to hurt others? He was fine with being weak ... he was fine, after the first ten or so incidents with being picked on ... but, sudden light flooded his confusion, he was not fine with his mother being slandered...

"Father won't believe you, you ... you old toad!" he yelled at her and then pounded and kicked violently at her unrelenting arms.

"Why you little ... I'll have you know that your father depends on me just as you do. You'd be nothing without me," she aimed another slap at him and this time it landed on his right cheek, turning it a furious red. Then smirking again, she tossed him to the ground and turned around deliberately. 

"Get out of my sight," she murmured in a tone more frightening than her screeches and rants.

Knowing this battle was lost, just like all the others, he fled back into the darkness and sanctity of his room.

From there, he heard his stepmother welcome his father home with a mock sweet voice. He and she both knew that his father thought himself to be in love with her and nothing said could convince him that he wasn't ... especially since the baby was coming...

The door to his unlit room opened, allowing artificial golden light to spill upon the carpet messily before gathering in pools.

"Heero?" his father's rich voice called.

He closed his eyes to keep the tears from spilling out. His father never hurt him ... so he wasn't afraid, but from the tone of his voice, he knew that his stepmother had relayed the whole story to him and that a disappointed talk would soon commence.

"What should I do about you, Heero?" his father asked with a sigh. "Can't you just accept your stepmother? For me? For me, will you accept her?"

His heart tore at his father's pleading voice, and he found himself nodding, silent tears sliding down the reddened cheek.

__

What should I do about you, Heero?

****

And it's not easy

Twelve months prior to present … one year

He was bleeding ... and limping ... and berating himself for being so stupid. After going through a fight with Relena and then Usagi and then even Duo, his mind had been as tormented as he thought possible. Of course, that mugger just _had _to find him at that moment. 

The man got a good two quick stabs in before the teen left him looking like what the cat dragged in. The first one was aimed towards his ankle, perhaps to keep him from walking (or rather, running) away and the second sliced his shoulder, though it was intended as a threat. He had moved too much and struggled to hit him with all his frustration bleeding through but anger blinded him, (just like every other time) and he had failed to consider the knife. _Baka baka baka._

So where to go? It was nearing midnight; everyone he had relied on before was either mad at him or no longer speaking to him. The natural choice would have been to go home, to Usagi, but the thought of waking her up after his previous utterances sliced her at every weak spot was not at all appealing, to say the least. It would be too difficult to find and get through security to Relena right now and the other pilots ... well, there's no telling where they were ... so that left ... Usagi ... again.

He crept into the apartment, shutting the door behind him so softly that the only sound was a near-silent click. Creeping in the shadows, he reached the stairs and started climbing up, knowing there were enough materials in his own room to deal with two (measly) stabs.

A sudden light blinded him and before he knew it, he was on the floor, head throbbing with pain, looking up at a confused and extremely intimidating Usagi, raising the bat above her head, ready to deal another blow. 

"Hiiro," she stated softly and stared at him, almost assessing his wounds, perhaps wondering how a bat could hurt a person so much, but still not moving to help him (or apologize).

God, how embarrassing could this night get? He would never hear the end of it if Duo got hold of this information -- Hiiro Yui, first stabbed twice by a pathetic street mugger and then bonked severely on the head by a girl who was less than five feet tall.

He looked up and saw that she had offered him a hand by now. Ignoring it (as well as what her reaction was), he stood up (with difficulty), wincing mentally, and limped to his open door. 

"Hiiro, what happened?" she asked gently to his retreating form. He marveled at how she had seemingly completely forgotten about a fight that had occurred a mere hour ago but didn't respond and instead flipped the light on.

"Hiiro! Let me help!" she cried, rushing to him, bat forgotten in the still-lit hallway.

"Iie," he replied and stared solemnly at her with smoky midnight blue eyes before swinging the door shut in front of her tearful eyes.

"Hiiro! _Hiiro! _Open the door! I order you to not shut me out of your life!" Her words dissolved into sobs and he heard her slumping down against his door. 

_Let me help..._

How can you help me with _everything_?

**__**

To be me

__

One hundred and seventy-two months prior to present … fourteen years and four months

"Oi, Heero!" An older face, decorated with midnight eyes, topped with ebony hair, and twisted in a sardonically cheerful grin popped into view as the owner climbed up the hill. Though only four years his senior, Chiba Mamoru overshadowed him by nearly eight inches, giving the already superior boy even more advantages. 

Though his first thought had been to move away, sudden wisps of guilt floated in his vision, effectively bolting him to his spot. Chiba Mamoru, his new older stepbrother was manipulative by nature and spoiled to boot. With his mother as the founder of a company that, from what he could deduce from snatches of conversation, made other companies fall to pieces and then preyed upon those pieces, Mamoru was literally rolling in money. 

The media had instantly pounced at the announcement of this wedding, gossiping and spreading countless rumors about the true purpose behind his father's marriage. Naturally, the most common one sprang up first -- his father was marrying the woman for money. 

When he had seen it, after becoming curious from other snatches of conversation, he had fumed and fumed even more, knowing his father would never do a thing like that, no matter how desperate. Admittedly, he himself thought his father was mislead but a false imitation of the enlightenment of love but seeing how happy his father was, after many months of mourning for his mother, the young but mature beyond his years boy had decided to let it go and bear any injustices aimed at him. Of course, if anything happened to his father ... that was a different story.

A heated debate had been brought up after his first fight with Mamoru. "Heated" as in him nodding at the proper moments while his father pleaded for him to adjust. The fight was born when Mamoru provoked him and though the act of provocation was hazy, after his mind clouded over with the dense smoke of fury; it had somehow teased his family, igniting a flame so blue with intensity that _he_ had almost cowered in fear. 

Before he knew it, they were tossing sharp-edged words in each others directions and then anger-fueled punches. Mamoru was winning when their parents, though more of his father, pulled them apart. This was not only due to his size but also, being the annoying person that he is, due to the fact that Mamoru had gotten himself into more than enough fights and thus gaining much more experience than he himself.

After the difficult to handle lecture, he had turned to the present he had received hardly half a year ago when everything had been so normal and he was still a light-hearted four-year-old. The originally clumsy orange kitten on unsteady knees had transformed into a teenage feline, with the adroitness found in all cats and a loving nature. 

Tangelo had become his solace ever since his father fairly betrayed him and his mother abandoned them. The cat knew all his secrets and wishes and has yet to tell a single soul. When tears due to the unfairness of it all threatened him, the orange kitten rubbed against him endearingly and purred him to sleep. When said tears tumbled from tightly shut eyes, the feline would mew concernedly and attempt to dry them with its nose, though only succeeding to make him laugh tear-choked giggles when the already wet nose tickled his cheek. All in all, the cat had become everything to him -- father, mother, friend, and confidant when everybody else turned away...

"Oi," he returned, not bothering to coat his voice with cheerfulness and turned to try to get away, hoping the message went through the older boy's thick head.

"So Heero, what did your father talk to you about after our fight?" The taller boy caught up with him, pointedly ignoring his signs of annoyance, and grinning down sneeringly at Heero's various souvenirs from said fight.

"Nothing," he answered softly, wide sapphirine eyes flooding with innocence rather than resentment as he hid them by looking down, knowing that once the older boy spotted that innocence, the teasing would resume again. After all, the world wasn't made to promote the survival of the innocent...

"Aw c'mon, cat got your tongue?" A smirk and a few snickers followed this as he laughed at his own joke (what joke?) before the boy continued. "I know Mother talked to your old man about your fighting skills and how the world revolves around survival of the fittest **[4] **... so, do you want to practice again?" At this remark, Mamoru flat out sneered and rolled his sleeves up ostentatiously. 

"Iie," he stated clearly and without anger and continued walking. 

A flash of a second later, he found himself staring at a fist that was intended to knock him over passing in front of his face. As if by second nature, he had dodged. True, Mamoru had only just introduced him to physical fighting, but he was, very simply put, a prodigy, with the same human ability to learn except increased exponentially. 

With agility that shocked him, though undoubtedly shocked Mamoru more, he instantly reacted and twisted around to aim a punch right between those maliciously glittering eyes. The shock that followed overwhelmed him even more -- the attack had landed, and the older boy fell to the grass, clutching a severely twisted if not broken nose. 

Blood dribbled to the earth beside his feet as he moved his fist to eye level and stared at the residue of crimson. Concealing a shudder, he hastily rubbed it off on his shorts with vigor enough to make the skin of his knuckles burn from friction. Vehemently swearing never to wear these shorts again, he turned warily back to the fallen senior. 

Mamoru got up hastily, brushed himself off with his free hand and walked haughtily off. Sighing with relief, he himself sat down on the grass and stared at the dew-like drops of blood. Had he really done that? Rather than experiencing elation at his newfound power or even resentment at Mamoru's cowardliness, fear boiled at the pit of his stomach. 

No, he wasn't afraid that Mamoru would tell his mother, for he was way too prideful to do that, but of Mamoru's hereditary vengeful nature. What type of horrors would his new stepbrother conceive for him...? He closed his eyes and refused to think about it, choosing to wipe his mind clean from the worry that was cluttering it too often this past month. 

The moon greeted him with her serene, pearly light when he woke up. It was already a given that neither parent would miss him when he had originally told them he would be gone for the whole day. So he trudged home leisurely, stalling a bit to marvel at the star-punched sky.

"Tadaima," he informed his father while taking off his shoes and kicking them aside.

His father smiled and nodded a cursory nod in his direction, paying more attention to the boiling pot. "Okaeri. Dinner will be ready in half an hour," he stated, still busying with the pot.

"Uhn," Heero replied with equal absentmindedness as he climbed up the stairs, still wondering what Mamoru had in mind as revenge. Oddly, he didn't feel like entering his room, as if some evil, onerous presence would escape and launch itself at him with the opening of the door. Pushing the thought aside, while denying the fear that once again was flooding his system, he opened the door slowly, and winced at the protesting creak.

Before he turned on the light, he knew there was something wrong indeed. Shakily reaching over to the light switch, while anxiety nipped at his heels, he flipped it on and nearly fainted with horror. In the center of his room, right beside his light as if part of some main show in a circus, hanging from a nail on the ceiling was Tangelo. 

The pitiful animal had been strangled and then hung but had obviously not gone without a fight due to the mangled fur. Gulping though his mouth was completely dry, he glimpsed a flash of white on the cat and moved closer, with much horror, to grab the note that was taped on:

__

Cat got your tongue?

Only then did hot tears well up in nearly five-year-old eyes and spill down unmarred cheeks. 

"N-naze?" he heard himself squeak, his usual voice breaking before he tasted salty tears that spilled out in waves, spotting the sleeves of his shirt as he curled up in a fetal position. Above him, throwing a horrific shadow upon the wall was his only trustworthy and remaining friend. Three white paws and a splotched one dangled above his head and clear blue eyes were forever gone from the world. And this time ... this time the affectionately nicknamed Jello won't be there to tickle away his tears...

An hour passed slowly, with him yelling at his father that he wasn't hungry. He had gingerly removed the just barely half a year old kitten and gently placed him in a box, more tears escaping in the process. Ignoring his father and stepmother's curious looks, he exited the door and climbed up the hill again. With anger as his fuel, he easily dug the grave, placed the box in, and gave it one last tear-filled glance before covering it with loose earth. 

When he entered the house again, his stepmother had retired to her bedroom while his father stared at the television, with Mamoru staring at it next to him. At the sound of the door, both turned to him. The thrill that frightened him at seeing Mamoru's bandaged face was squelched by the knowing smirk thrown in his direction. 

Perhaps, due to whatever twisted logic of her own, his stepmother was right ... this world did revolve around survival of the fittest and he was simply something to be conquered. However, as much as he longed for revenge and rightful punishment, he refused to sink down his stepbrother's level and start 'conquering' the weak. For now, he didn't mind being weak...and for Jello, he would never turn into a bully like Mamoru... **[5]**

**__**

I wish that I could cry

__

Fifty-eight months prior to present … four years and ten months

He opened his eyes to barely make out a bleary face smothered in confusion, worry, and fear, an oddly familiar sight. 

"D-Daijoubu ka?"**[6] **a light female voice broke through his thoughts, laden with as much worry as her face.

Smoldering blue eyes widened as dark brows lowered in a frown. A rough hand covered with calluses rose to his face and covered it.

"You saw my face..." the teenage boy murmured in as dead of a voice as possible for a species so filled with emotions.

Through loose fingers, he saw her stare at him blankly but then tactfully chose not to voice her concerns and questions.

With a fluid movement that had become second nature to him, a small, icy cold, metallic weapon appeared in his free hand. The blonde girl's eyes widened in fear and shock as she involuntarily fell back from her kneeling position. Doing just the opposite as her, he stood up and aimed the pistol at her, staring into eyes glassy with betrayal with intensity that could pass for hatred. 

"Omae o korosu," he whispered and the three words were carried by the slight gust of wind to the girl's ears.

A crisp, sharp sound followed and crimson burst forth in the space between them. He looked down in shock at his bloodied hand that still held on to the gun ... who-

"You should really learn to not harass others like that," a humor-filled voice grinned from behind him before the speaker stepped boldly in front of the girl he had just threatened.

The blonde had apparently stood up while he was staring at his hand and was presently yelling at the all too confused savior.

Letting go of an exasperated sigh and drooping his head, the just arrived boy with amazingly and moronically long hair moaned with a flair of drama, "Why do I always end up being the bad guy?" Then, in a jerk possibly faster than even his own gun pulling technique, the braided boy straightened and grinned again. "Ah well, I'm happy today ... look what I found!"

Even before he had finished speaking, his muscles tensed and he leapt onto the hunk of metal that was sprouting from the sea.

Hiiro's eyes widened, hand completely forgotten.

_Wing?_

Having landed with outlandish dexterity, the wide-eyed boy bore his usual (and unnerving) grin and tugged at a rope, putting such a strain upon it that Hiiro thought for sure it would break ... another, similar bulk burgeoned from the dark waters, covered with a lot less paint as it flashed silver.

_Wing._

**__**

Fall upon my knees

__

One hundred and sixty-seven months prior to present … thirteen years and eleven

****

From his room downstairs, he could hear the steady cadence of his father's pacing and feel the constant aura of his worry. Rubber soles thumped against wooden floors slowly, forming a depressing rhythm. He stared up at the ceiling and imagined his father's preoccupied expression, complete with tight lips and furrowed eyebrows. And here he was, lying in bed, warm and safe but drowning in hopelessness. 

His stepmother had left quite a while ago, to pick up Mamoru. Not too long afterwards, reporters on every station were screaming about a school shooting while his father looked on, eyes as big as tennis balls (literally) and mouth forming a devastated 'o'. 

Funny. Like any kid who had ever heard of fairy tales, he had always thought it was his fondest wish for his stepmother and stepbrother to die, and have his father and him live happily ever after. However, not until his wish is on the verge of becoming reality does he realize the utter hopelessness of it. Who is he kidding? Even through the mere five years of his life, he understands consequences and the effects of them. Somewhere in his subconscious mind, he knew for sure that if either his stepmother or brother were to disappear into oblivion, his father, the one person left in the world to care about, would suffer tremendous amounts of pain. 

So ... for him, because each ounce of his father's pain is amplified past bearable amounts and each drop spreads magnificently in ripples that it is exponentially greater than his own ... for his father's sake, he would wish for his stepmother and brother to get home safely and completely untouched. 

But, as things often turned out time and time again, this redeeming wish isn't about to morph to reality. At around midnight, by the glowing hands of his alarm clock, muffled sobs echoed loudly in the house even though the news broadcaster's emotionless voice droning out the countless names of people who had been victims of homicide veiled them.

****

Creeping upstairs, he found his father sitting despondently, only signs of tears remaining as the unsteady lines they left in their wake. 

"Daddy?" he squeaked, half-paralyzed in distress. 

"Oh, Heero," his father wiped his eyes furtively (but now furtively enough) and smiled weakly at the young boy clutching onto the stair rail.

The child walked over to him and sat down. "Daddy?"

"Hmmm?" he replied absentmindedly, staring blankly at the still talking newsman.

"Mother and Mamoru aren't ever coming back, ne?" he stated solemnly, squinting down at a faded red Power Ranger. 

His father was silent for decades before he picked him up, twirled him around once, though this time not to the background of his laughter, and sat down on the couch with him on his knee. Blue met teary blue before he impulsively swung short, chubby arms around the man who had been in his life ever since he was born. 

"No, Heero ... your mother and brother..." he trailed off and then started again, his voice distorting due to an onslaught of tears. "I-no, they aren't ever coming back..."

****

………………

The next month passed slowly, with his father often dejected but smiling gently the little amount of time he was home. Though his father had had a job when his stepmother and brother were alive, this job alone is no longer enough. Now Heero found the nearly forty-year-old man juggling a half dozen jobs at a time, often spending little time at home and no time in leisure. Not long after, the funeral came rolling by and, being such a direct family member, his attendance was cast in stone. 

Even when it was revealed that his stepmother had left all worldly items and possessions of value to the vice president of her company, his father was clearly in love and mourning. Their finances were stretched over the bare physical necessities of a human being so the funeral was unceremonious, held along with some of the other families of the school shooting victims. 

The day of the funeral was cloudy, air heavy with the threat of rain. Shortly after they arrived, it began to drizzle lightly. Not five minutes after that, the rain stopped completely and heavy clouds slid apart to reveal the smiling sun, and another quarter of an hour passed before the sky darkened and water began to splash down upon their bowed heads. It was almost as if the day was undecided as to whether to be dancing joyously with no thought of tomorrow or lamenting endlessly with spectacular diamond droplets.

Minutes ticked by in groups of five, before finally the ceremony ended and family members were allowed to travel about and provide each other a shoulder to lean on. His father led him by the hand to his stepmother and brother's coffins, opened to allow family members a last, face to face goodbye. He peered over the edge and could only distinguish a bulk that was supposedly his stepmother. 

Familiar hands grabbed him around the waist and hoisted him up so that he could truly see. In the longer coffin lay his stepmother, harsh frown lines still marring what could have been beautiful features. Though softened by death, these wrinkles still provided a demonic picture of the harsh and unloving woman who his father had loved enough to lose all common sense. 

Next to her, in a much shorter coffin, lay his stepbrother, pale and dark haired, face no longer twisted into a frown or sneer, eyes no longer slitted to steel-like shards of hatred. In this passive position Mamoru almost looked ... weak, vulnerable, able to be injured and able to capture human emotions. It was almost disheartening to see him like he was ... well, dead. 

"Daddy?" he whispered, afraid that if he spoke too loudly, the moment would shatter to nothing. 

"Hai, Hee-chan?" his father responded out loud, voice tremoring involuntarily and spasmodically. 

"What happened to them?"

His question met the whistling of rough winds (It was raining again...) before his father sighed tiredly. "Hee-chan, evil visited Mamoru's school that day ... and why we'll never know." **[7]**

**__**

Find a way to lie

About a home I'll never see

__

Thirty-five months prior to present … two years and eleven months

The room, enclosed in darkness due to closed blinds was filled with an all too familiar clicking sound -- the tapping of the keyboard. Eyes illuminated by the artificial glow of the laptop scanned the page steadily, ignoring the fact that his door was opening ever so slowly, the person obviously (but very foolishly) thinking that he wasn't aware of it...

Finally, he paused right before the door opener could step in and let his arms drop to the armrests of the rotating chair. Not bothering to turn around, he called out, "What do you want, Usagi?"

A squeak followed his half question, half demand, and he turned around to see golden hair sticking up in spikes, indicating the amount of shock he had put through the poor girl's system.

"H-hi, Hiiro," the blonde started lamely before pausing to gulp and giggle to cover it up at the same time, creating a rather interesting effect (something between a snort and a hiccup). "Ano ... that's a very nice computer there!" she chirped, laughing a fake laugh.

"I'm searching for the most effective way to strangle a cat," he informed her nonchalantly. As if on cue, Luna stepped delicately into the room, looked disdainfully at him, stalked up to him, and attempted her three-hundred and twenty-second attempt to leave inch-long, deep gashes in his shin. Raising a graceful eyebrow directly at the cat, he dodged, plucked the poor kitty up by the scruff of its neck, carried it out of the room and promptly dropped it into the recycling bin despite many furious yowls (why he didn't do worse was beyond him).

Usagi had followed him out of the room and was sending evil looks in his direction while hurrying to retrieve the meowing feline from the plastic bin. After making sure Luna exited the room, she turned her attention back to her roommate for just two months and felt the entire weight of her nervousness fall upon her again.

"How many times have I told you not to hurt Luna?" she scolded. Her angry remarks met blank stares of a cheerfully clueless (yeah right) boy asking one silent, simple question: "What do you mean, Usagi?".

"If you would try having a talk with the beast about not trying to disconnect my foot from my leg every once an hour, maybe your problem will be solved," he stated in a neutral tone that obviously angered the blonde more than if he had shouted it over the school intercom.

Apparently for whatever reason she was so nervous, it did not involve getting him annoyed. She was making an effort to pacify herself and smile sweetly. "Ano ... Hiiro?"

"Hn."

"You're in my geometry class, ne?" She looked around and twiddled her thumbs in such a way that almost made him imagine devil horns and a tail sprouting from under her clothes.

The response was given in a snort, obviously pointing out that having him praised and her scolded and yelled at everyday just _might_ indicate that he was in her class.

Again, the blonde tried to pacify herself and finally, letting out a whoosh of air, spilled her true purpose. "Willyoututormeplease please please?" Looking down at her with upraised eyebrows because she had decided pleading would be more effective if she teared up and knelt down, he couldn't help but feel, if even to the slightest extent, amused. Silence lapsed in the room for over five minutes before finally, he rose from his sitting position and said, "You and the professor are taking up too much time in class arguing telepathically. To make my day more efficient, I accept."

He could almost feel her smile permeate the room with warmness but never expected her to attack him with a hug from behind.

"Sugoi! Thankyouthankyouthankyou!"

_You're more than welcome ... always live by your emotions..._

**__**

It may sound absurd

__

One hundred and sixty-four months prior to present … thirteen years and eight months

Life began to fall into a new, harsher routine. Without his father home for what could only be described as 99.9% of the time, he had to learn to take care of himself. Cooking was left alone, for fear of burning the house, (and while they're at it, their neighbors house and _their_ neighbor's house and _their_ neighbors house and so on...) but he was assigned the maintenance of himself, from not letting strangers in to telling himself a bedtime story. 

When the details took care of themselves and everything finally fell in place again, a cunning little viper struck his now nearly bright future. 

"Hee-chan?" The voice that he would never expect to hear at this hour, 2:00 in the afternoon, drifted from the front door through the kitchen to the living room. 

"D-daddy?" He paused to lift his hanging jaw. "Why're you home early?"

His initial hope of his father coming home due to a day off was crushed when the slumping man didn't reply and instead walked into the living room, with him trailing behind worriedly.

The man fell back onto the sofa and sat still for what seemed to be forever before, without any warning, grabbing onto him and hugging him fiercely.

"Gomen ne, Hee-chan ... gomen ne," the father sighed and straightened again. "I lost my main job today and the other two have simply no further need for me ... gomen ne!"

"What do we do now, Daddy?" the child whimpered uncertainly.

When his father failed to answer, he looked up and saw that he had fallen asleep from pure exhaustion. 

The answer was revealed the next day when their house was quickly sold and, while being bombarded with his questions, his father solemnly led him to a derelict building, looking as if it were defying the laws of gravity by standing up. At the front hung a sign, beautifully painted but faded with age and covered with dust and mud that boldly declared: Kyoto's Shelter for Needy People.

**** __

But don't be naive

__

One hundred and sixty months prior to present… thirteen years and four months

****

"Hee-chan! Come and join us!" his father's once again cheerful voice traveled about ten yards, through a wall, and then another ten yards before reaching his ears. In response, he shivered and wrapped his arms around his legs more tightly. 

"Hee-chan? Hee-chan!" the voice drifted closer before the tall, heavily clothed, and completely covered with (now melting) snow man appeared at the doorway of what could be called the central gathering room of the poorhouse.

"Ne, Hee-chan, why aren't you outside?"

He let his eyelids drop halfway and his brows furrow gently as he looked down and aside. "I'm scared..." he whispered, still hugging knees to chest.

"Scared?" The rich voice almost seemed to size up the word before crushing it. "Naze?" 

Glancing up, he saw that the man had stooped down enough so that their eyes met easily. 

_Another Mamoru ... that's why._

"I don't trust the other kids," he muttered defensively, still not looking completely up and clenching and unclenching one hand, nails biting his palm with vigor, leaving pinkish smiling crescents as indented tattoos.

His father sighed heavily and stood up again as Heero cringed. He'd done it again. He had ruined his father's day. 

"Saa, Hee-chan ... when did you learn to mistrust?" the man murmured longingly, before beaming down a soft smile. "Don't worry, these kids aren't horrible! They're just like you!"

When he still didn't respond or look up for that matter, the older man bent down again and this time smiled genially into his eyes. "Oi, some of these kids are even younger than you! They'll look up to you! And if they don't, what harm can they do? You can beat 'em up easily," he joked, laughing lightly. 

Those were the words that broke the dam. At his father's last sentence, an instant image that followed him everywhere nowadays of Tangelo's mangled body swinging gently under artificial light came to mind and tears poured out by the gallon.

"H-Heero!" his father exclaimed, surprised and apologetic at the same time. He encircled now wet with melted snow arms around the boy and held his face to his own shoulder. "Gomen ne ... gomen ne..."

Wrenching free from his dad's embrace, and ignoring, to the best of his ability, the devastated look that shadowed his father's face, he wiped his eyes roughly. "Iie. _I'm_ sorry. I should be giving these kids a chance..." _And if they are like Mamoru, I can always run..._

****

Even heroes have 

The right to bleed

One week prior to present

****

Night lights flashed past his vision in fantastical blurs, swirled with blues and greens and silvers. He hated this. Hated being chauffeured around by Relena and her (wince) pink limo. But his plan required this and only for his roommate (and maybe Relena) would he go within five miles of ... that chunk of _fluorescent pink_ metal. 

"Hii-chan, why are we going to your house first?" a classically beautiful voice shattered his thoughts abruptly, and he turned slightly, allowing the darkness to mask slight signs of surprise.

He leaned back and glanced out the tinted window again, wondering just why he wanted her to meet Usagi. 

"You should meet Usagi," he said shortly, refraining from minimizing the response to merely Usagi. After all, that might warrant confusion and more questions that would require more of his precious breath.

"You want me to understand that there is another wonderful girl in your life and want me to accept it, right?" she summarized softly, smiling into the night and ignoring him almost as effectively as he was ignoring her.

"Hn." Thank goodness Relena was so perceptive. But he had a feeling ... yeah, he the one who supposedly had no feelings had a feeling that this wasn't all for Relena ... or even himself. Seemingly ... it was for Usagi? He shook his head slightly, jarring thoughts out of order in his head. How could it be for Usagi? She doesn't need anything.

"Saa, we're here," Relena pointed out the obvious as the (still pink) limo halted after going through a maze of apartments. 

The chauffeur parked and waited while they got out and walked the measly five yards and a flight of stairs to his apartment. 

"Do you think she's still awake?" the girl beside him asked lightly, words almost lost in the darkness. He grabbed them in time and looked up at the window he knew to be hers. It was darker than the darkness outside. 

"Hn..." he trailed. 

"I understand. You don't want to wake her. Ne, it's times like these that I'm truly jealous, Hii-chan!" The words flowed easily and smoothly followed by a short burst of giggling, but there was a note of honesty in those words, making him wonder whether or not he had a missed a moment where Relena had bared her heart and the lines of her feelings.

The door clicked open easily, and he stepped in before turning to face Relena, still on the other side of the doorway. "Well, see you tomorrow then, Hii-chan!" she ended their date cheerfully and walked away with a brief wave and glance back. 

Walking into the kitchen, he switched the on light and instantly wondered whether or not he should have when he heard a soft, "Hey, Hiiro." Usagi, obviously.

A 'Sorry, did I wake you?' welled up inside of him, but he refused to quell under it's tide and instead replied with a, "Hn." The tide fell back a few steps and then came in again, bringing guilt aplenty in with it. Damn it! And she sounded so depressed too! Maybe he should have replied with the original five-word answer ... maybe that would have brightened her mood. 

"So! How was your date?" she asked cheerfully, but that flickering hope that she was truly cheerful this time died when it met waves of icy guilt. Why did guilt have to win every time? It truly wasn't fair.

"Fine." He'd swear, second to 'hn,' 'fine' was the word he was most familiar with, and why would become apparent as this conversation progressed and then repeated the next night and the next night and the next. 

"Was it Relena?" The question came as almost a whisper, and he briefly wondered whether or not she was taking lessons from Dr. J. After all, only he and four other people on the face of earth could make a mere breath of words, spoken so lightly that he was sure without 'nifty trick number three' the words wouldn't exist, travel nearly five meters. 

"Hai." He was confused. He hated being confused. Maybe not as much as Relena's pink limo, but it still ranked within the top ten things he hated. (Amazingly, Duo isn't in the top ten at all...) Why was she sad? Why was she smiling? Why did he hate it when she did this? After all, he had over two years to cope with this routine and ... he's still hating it? Saa ... another headache?

"How was your day?" he asked gruffly, feeling still as if he should make up for her sadness. And then feeling as if he didn't make up enough. Almost intuitively, he knew that her spirit had helped and nurtured him before in what seemed to be a past life ... a blonde in her twenties ... bringing joy like springtime flowers and then wilting away as quickly as she had appeared ... Serena? The name dropped from his mind before he could capture it and inspect it. A vague sense of loneliness left a bitter taste in his mouth.

"Fine, yours?"

"Fine." And that was why the word 'fine' was so deeply imprinted in his vocabulary.

Silence dropped over them as stealthily as snow and stayed for several freezing moments. 

"Goodnight, Hiiro," she ended their conversation almost reluctantly and stood up, leaving him again for her room.

He wanted to urge her to stay but knew fully that the day he did that would be the day ... well, the day he regains his mortality. And there weren't any signs of that happening within the next millenium.

"Hn."

And yet another night was wasted. Well ... this was his life.

**** __

I may be disturbed

__

One hundred and fifty-nine months prior to present … thirteen years and three months

****

"His eyes, how they twinkled, his dimples how merry, his cheeks were like roses and his nose like a cherry," a strong, resonant voice sounded out in the poorhouse gathering room. There was a fire going in the fireplace, its living embers skipping here and flying there, casting almost demonic shadows upon walls covered with peeling wallpaper. Christmastime often meant extra donations which allowed small indulgences such as the fire. 

With his head against his father's chest, he felt special and privileged compared to his now companions sitting on the floor, looking up and listening to the story while their own parents were working diligently, even on Christmas Eve. The consistent thumping of his father's heart calmed him dramatically along with the relaxed rise and fall of his chest. He closed his eyes and smiled happily, drowsily listening to the rest of the all too familiar story. 

"Ne, Mister Yuy, does Santa really exist?" Reiko, a five-year-old girl hardly any younger than him asked, eyes mirroring the flickering flames to create the illusion that her own eyes were burning with liquid flame.

He smiled to himself, remembering when he had asked the same question of his parents. Smiling chestnut eyes and gentle, cool fingers flashed past his closed eyes as happy tears wetted them. _Are you happy wherever you are, Mommy? _

"Saa, Reiko-chan, a very wise and beautiful woman once told me that Santa is as real as your feelings of compassion and love. He will survive as long as children like you believe in him," his father replied lovingly, eyes watering as well.

"So Santa will exist no matter what! Because I believe in him!" she chirped happily.

"Uhn. Now let me continue ... he had a broad face and a round little belly, which shook when he laughed like a bowl full of j-" Just as the rhyming rhythm was about to be completed, it was interrupted by sharp coughs. Heero started, glancing around for the originator before realizing his own father was coughing uncontrollably, holding a hand to cover the entire bottom half of his face. 

"Daddy!" As suddenly as the coughing had attacked and erupted, it disappeared and slunk back to its dormant state. "Daijoubu ka?" he whimpered nervously, picking up an old habit back when Mamoru still tormented him and shadowed his life -- biting his lips. 

A collective sigh followed his father's nod before the urgently standing children settled back down.

"Hold on you guys, I need to get something," the man excused himself and hurried out of the room, leaving fifteen staring kids behind. 

"Are," the five-year-old child muttered in shock as his hand met wetness. Holding it up to the light, he gasped, drawing the rest of the children's attentions back towards the chair. 

_Blood?!_

**__**

But won't you concede

__

Forty months prior to present … three years and four months

He glared at the scene that was unfolding before his eyes through the shatterproof window of glass in front of him as a scowl crept up upon his features. Orange flames licked one mobile doll to the next to ashes but still they swarmed up upon them. Over his open intercom he heard the frenzied cries of his comrades shouting out the amounts of ammunition and power left and actively recording the average numbers of mobile dolls surrounding them. 

"Everybody," he said with deadly calm while aiming shots into the myriad of mobile dolls. The others quieted so quickly he almost believed he had gone half-deaf. The silence was only tainted by the soft, blocked out sounds of explosions disrupting the lapse into silence.

"How much power do you have left?" he directed the questions towards everybody and waited for the responses.

Various answers clouded with static came back, showing him what he had expected -- the grim results.

"All of you can get away. Destroy as many as you can as you flee. I can destroy the rest..."

"Nani!? That's impossible! You can't handle that much!" Duo argued, face half distracted as a bright green beam of light sliced through the velvety black sky and past several opposing forces.

"Don't do it Hiiro," Trowa commanded, eyes barely flickering as he fired dozens of shots into the crowds of mobile dolls, effectively killing more than the number of bullets that left his weaponry.

"Yes, Hiiro, it's not worth it!" Quatre tossed in his two cents, brows furrowed as he concentrated on dodging the awkward arm of an attacking enemy.

"Baka Yui, always wanting to dramatize things," Wufei hissed, not bothering to utter more than the short complaint while mentally calculating whether or not what Hiiro had suggested would work.

"Nani, nani, nani!? Why am I always left out on this? What's going on?!" Duo protested childishly (and cluelessly), voice laced with more anger than intended due to his current job of exterminating as many mobile dolls as possible.

"What you think doesn't matter to me, get out of the way," he informed them (with innate consideration) over the intercom before turning it off completely, ignoring the snatches of their last minute frustrations and pleas. With satisfaction, he saw the others begin to have purpose in the form they attacked, clearing a star-lit path through the dense blackness of mobile dolls.

_Here goes nothing... _

Glancing down at his hands and finding the bright crimson button, he hesitated.

_Duo, Trowa, Quatre, Wufei, Relena ... Usagi..._

Tossing all thoughts from his head, he hastily pushed the hideously large button and waited for the results. What happened next was spectacular -- his gundam burst into flames, scorching his limbs, allowing him to tumble from his seat of leather onto a seat of stars. More than a little confused, he found that instead of slowing down to a drifting speed, his body began to speed up.

_Earth's gravity..._

He opened bleary eyes and blinked up at bleary bits of light before closing them again. Originally, the plan had been to drift in space, as the material of his gear would resist even the amazing temperatures the explosion of his gundam would concoct, and then disconnect his meager source of oxygen and die an almost instant but hardly tortureless death by the cold fingers of suffocation. Apparently now, he's going to burn to a crisp and die ... how ideal.

Not long after, he entered the earth's atmosphere. Nothing could describe the pain that surfaced in his mind, calling and panicking. Squinting his eyes so that they were mere slivers of silky blue, he glanced down at himself and winced at the scorching and painful red color his skin had taken on. His suit had long abandoned ship by now…

Screaming would do no good ... no good, he tattooed it into his mind, lips curving up a little bit more and more as each word worked as a needle to pierce itself into his memory. 

_Always follow your emotions..._

He let the scream tear through his throat and erupt from his mouth. 

_Dying hurts like hell..._

Letting the sardonic and moronic grin tighten its grip upon his features, he extolled the thought.

_Got to remember that one..._

Nerve endings no longer existent, the pain was gone. 

_If I survive this, I can always grow them back..._

A vision of crystal eyes and rosy cheeks spun through his mind, bouncing around, appearing again and again. A memory of Relena? No ... Usagi...

_Duo, Trowa, Quatre, Wufei, Relena ... Usagi..._

Screams no longer tried to fight their way out into the atmosphere. Amazingly, he felt happy.

_Happiness at the last moment._

**** __

Even heroes have

The right to dream

__

One hundred and fifty-seven months prior to present … thirteen years and one month

It was weeks before the horrible truth was unveiled, threatening with its dark figure and flashing silver teeth. His father was troubled with an illness. An illness that had developed too far. An illness that could have been cured if the now forty-year-old man hadn't hid it from everybody else. An illness he, the person who proclaimed that his father was the most important person in his life, could have prevented if he had not turned into a coward and refused to report the blood to the doctors.

The entire time he hated himself. Hated himself for being so stupid ... for not knowing what tuberculosis is. Hated himself for letting his father die after allowing his mother to leave. Hated hated hated himself so that he refused the tuberculosis vaccine they dished out to everyone to prevent further attacks. If he was stupid enough to let his father die, then he deserved to die by the same hand of the same killer. He deserved to suffer the same pain.

Of course, the doctors did not respect his period of self hatred and, ignoring the do not disturb signs that he left about, verbally and nonverbally, they attacked him with the vaccine while he was sleeping, dutifully protecting him from the disease as well. Baka doctors.

"Hee-chan ... Hee-chan!" a voice called to him urgently in his dream as the all too familiar mahogany eyes twinkled and disappeared, fading into reality.

"Hee-chan!" a cracked voice croaked out softly.

Blinking and rubbing his eyes cleared them and got rid of the remaining traces of sleep.

"Daddy?" The next instant, he was off of the chair the doctors had provided him (in apology) and was by the bed, wincing at the dark crimson stains of coughed up blood. 

"Hee-chan," the father sighed, reaching a trembling hand up to touch smooth skin. "I was stupid for ignoring the obvious symptoms of tuberculosis, not you. It's not your fault-" Another fit of coughs attacked the aging man, and he barely flinched as tiny drops of blood flecked his face despite his father's attempts to keep it in one place.

The fit ended just as quickly as the first time he had witnessed it. The man sighed deeply before settling back down. "Hee-chan, don't mourn for me. That's wasting time, and what have I taught you about wasting time?"

"I-it's useless," he finished, tears forming in his eyes.

"Right!" Then, seeing the streaks down the child's face, the man frowned. "Aw c'mon, Hee-chan! Only little three-year-olds still cry! We're going to be tough aren't we?"

Hastily wiping tears away even though they came more quickly than his wiping efforts, he nodded. 

A moment of silence passed between them before the man sighed again. "Heero, I'm going to go to heaven soon..."

"Nani o? Don't joke, Daddy! You yourself told me to be tough! You can't become a hypocrite now!" he cried out in protest, tears still streaming down, nonstop.

The man chuckled a chuckle that transformed into a string of coughs. More blood splattered the five-year-old's face. 

"Gomen ne, gomen ne, Hee-chan. Heh, you were always the light of my world ... your mother would be proud if she were still here," he murmured, hiding the forming tears well. "Do you know why your mother left?"

"Ne? Iie ... I never did," he sighed and stared down at the red-white sheet.

"It wasn't because of you ... it was because of me. Demo, the past is the past, and it best be left alone. And when I die, I want you to repeat that to yourself every night, okay? Say it now."

"T-the past is the past, and it best be left alone," he blubbered out.

Another sigh slipped past his father's lips but this time it was composed of only one emotion -- contentment.

"Well now, Hee-chan, I have to give you the standard 'I'm dying' speech, ne?" he laughed lightly, careful to not trigger another fit and continued. "I'll always be in your heart may be nonsense, but I'll always be in heaven, watching you. Yeah, spying on you, making sure you eat breakfast and change your underwear." Roaring laughter filled the room just like before, washing away some of the hopelessness consuming his system.

"Ne, when you're sad, just know I'm up there ... and you can reach for me if you want, Hii-chan ... you always can..." With a gentle sigh, his father closed his eyes.

"Daddy? Daddy?!"

"Daijoubu ka?! I heard shouting," a doctor he had particularly came to respect walked in. 

"H-he just died ... died ... just left me..." The child fell back onto the ground and stared blankly into space, tears flowing involuntarily down his cheeks and dropping from his chin. 

"Oi, Heero, he's just sleeping, you know?" the doctor informed him kindly, trying to smile.

The boy blinked and mouthed one word -- "Oh."

**__**

The right to dream

__

One hundred and fifty-seven months prior to present … thirteen years and one month

****

Not two hours after his father fell asleep, he fell asleep as well, from the sudden loss of energy in his body. Once again, he was awakened, a warm hand shaking his shoulder. Upon instinct, the instant he opened his eyes, they flickered towards the bed ... and no one was there.

"Was this all a dream? Is Daddy not sick?" he questioned softly and turned to meet ... the doctor's eyes, overflowing with tears. 

"H-he died didn't he? He died, and he didn't tell me! This is even worse!" he said dejectedly, tears all wept away. 

"Your father died peacefully in his sleep which is uncommon of tuberculosis patients ... you should be happy..."

"I should ... but I'd be happier if he were alive," he stated softly before walking out of the room. _I didn't even get to say goodbye when he could still hear me ... I didn't even get to see him before they took him away ... I'm such a failure..._

The funeral passed blurrily, literally, as he was crying. All that remained clearly in his mind were the blurred bright greenness of the grass and the blurred smoky lavender of the sky. The condolences laid before him and the preacher's soft and kind words flowed in one ear and out the other as dull murmurs. 

And then ... after the funeral, he simply stumbled back to his assigned room and fell upon the simple bed, eyes drowning with tears as images of all the past torture and happy moments surfaced in his mind ... Mamoru's incessant bullying ... Tangelo dangling from the ceiling ... his father gulping down ice cream sundaes as quickly (and messily) as himself ... his mother laughing at their chocolate covered faces ... his stepmother laughing haughtily, swearing his mother abandoned him ... Tangelo pawing at his ankles and then hopping up to his lap, nosing his tear-stained cheeks ... his father's last words, echoing again and again ... Tangelo protecting him by scratching Mamoru's cheek (which succeeded in earning him an even longer period of severe torture, but it's the thought that counts)...

A weak passed with him seemingly in a trance. No questions about where he was going to go, as underaged children like him would go to orphanages without the existence of a guardian, surfaced as everybody in the entire house respected his period of mourning. 

Another day passed, after that first week, and suddenly, in the middle of the night, his father's advice crackled alive in his dream, whispering as the gentle lapping of water. He had to pull himself together and not waste time ... for his own and his father's sake...

The next day, he himself brought up the question of where he was to go. The head of the poorhouse accessed orphanage files and sent requests before finally, the answer was produced -- he was to go to the nearest orphanage, entitled ... well, Kyoto's Orphanage. Really, these people's creativity is frightening. 

**** __

And it's not easy

__

Ten months prior to present

****

"What is wrong with you, Hiiro?!" her delicate voice rose high in indignation, crystal eyes breaking into sharp shards and shooting out in his direction.

"Nothing," he replied succinctly, selecting the obvious (and correct) answer.

"Then why did you just do that?!" she continued, shards dissolving into something even more hurtful -- liquid blue -- tears.

"What do you want from me?" he shot back with his own question, hoping to curb hers.

"I want an explanation ... and if it isn't below you, an apology," she replied, voice darkening, tears disappearing, and face creased again with anger. 

Ouch. That hurt. "I don't see why you would _need _either," came the reply as he moved away from her, heading for his room, trying to end this conversation.

"Stop," she said, voice freezing, eyes the color of icebergs, so spectacular that they glowed blue. He froze and turned around slowly, livid eyes narrowed in disbelief and cloudy from the smoke of a small flicker of fire.

"Stop running away from me and your emotions. Don't you realize it, Hiiro?! Don't you realize that you're hightailing it out of every situation that involves you _feeling_ or _caring _or ... or ... _me._" She paused to look down, and he kept his face neutral. "I never knew Hiiro Yui was a coward," she finished sadly, walking away from _him _this time and closing her door gently and almost disappointedly. 

In a moment of faint rage, he strode to the door, twisted the knob harshly and flung it open. Surprised sapphire flashed in his direction and, he froze ... again. What did he want to do? What did he intend to do? 

"What you just spewed out were a bunch of false accusations," he finally muttered and was about to turn before her voice rang out.

"False accusations? False accusations?! Who are you kidding, Hiiro? You're only running away from your problems again ... it really makes me wonder what your past was like ... what parents could raise such a distorted kid?"

God, that stung more than the last comment. 

"I'm not running from anything. If you understand everything and are the epitome of a human being, why don't you tell me what I did wrong?" he challenged, voice still flat but louder.

"What you did wrong?" her voice became transparent, and her eyes widened to make room for sudden tears he couldn't understand. "Hiiro ... you don't consider just coming in here and ordering my friends out with a _loaded _firearm wrong?" Her voice was oddly gentle and fragile, her face a portrait of uncertainty and fear. 

"I apologize then," he muttered gruffly, unable to force the word 'sorry' out of his system. He turned quickly and walked out.

"What am I going to do about you, Hiiro?" a tiny voice whispered from her room. He paused and moved on, walking straight to his room. Before opening the door, her words echoed again ... _What am I going to do about you, Hiiro?_ Why were they so familiar? Why was everything suddenly so familiar? Hell, why was _Usagi _familiar? He hadn't met any blondes in his life ... they weren't common in this part of the world. 

He was so engrossed in his thoughts that it took at least five minutes before another more current fact registered. 

_Damn, she got the last word again!_

__ ****

To be me

__

One hundred and fifty-six months prior to present … thirteen years

****

Here he was, once again feeling self-conscientious and out of place. Just when the foundational stages of his dysfunctional childhood were about to be made up by his father's care and the poorhouse's warmth, he was thrown off course again, veering straight into the orphanage and its 'private' school.

History provided a time to listen to the story of the world, a dramatic novel with sharp twists and quick doublebacks as well as monstrous ambitions and the suffering of masses that far surpasses any fantastical problems and characters, too close to perfection for their own good. (Or rather the writer's chance of not living in a box with his McDonald's happy meal.)

The rather harsh room, deprived of all thoughts of comfort and completely composed of stiff material provided an echo as a gift for the teacher's words. He turned his head slowly to survey his fellow orphans, afraid that he'd attract unwanted attention if he moved too much. Nobody else was moving at all, not even the tiny four-year-olds sitting at the front. Due to lack of time (and teachers) all grade levels studied together ... and if you were too young to catch up properly ... too bad for you. 

The aura directed at him was (extremely) disturbing. All or at least a large chunk of the student body seemed to dislike him the instant he stepped within fifty feet of the orphanage. Twice he had been tripped by "misplaced" feet and three times hit with unknown (but hard) objects that came from different directions (except front). 

These actions were all committed within the mere thirty minutes he was here, from being hurried through the administration office to being nudged through a classroom door and requested to introduce himself. 

"Oi, Heero," the voice of an older boy called (whispered) from behind him. Instinct told him not to turn around because before, when he had reached his seat, he had seen the boy's eyes flash in his direction .. and they looked exactly as Mamoru's would when something horribly devious was weighing on his mind. However, the annoyance of constantly being in fear was catching up to him and daringly, he turned around. 

The boy spat in his face. Laughing softly (the teacher was still lecturing), he glanced at the guys sitting beside him as they snickered with him. The new boy turned childlike dark, clouded blue eyes towards them and solemnly blinked before roughly wiping the spit off with his (new) crisply ironed shirt sleeve and turning around.

The day went downhill from there.

**__**

Up up and away away from me

__

Forty-one months prior to present … three years and five months

"Do you take pleasure in making me suffer?!" she ranted, throwing childishly (cute) angered looks in his direction. 

He stared at her indifferently before cracking a small smirk. "Hn..." he drawled out languidly, just to get on her already frazzled nerves.

Usagi, as that was who she introduced herself as and what the school file had confirmed her as [8], shook with suppressed anger and fairly blew up, yelling at him in a voice that most of the inhabitants of the dorms nearby would distinguish and recognize (and suffer from) after a mere three months..

Finding out that he shared a room with this girl had been one of the most ... traumatizing events of his life. Not that he disliked trauma. Having been through so much, he can't afford to dislike it any longer, but let's just say that if he were normal, he would have gone into a coma from the sudden heart attack that seeing the girl in his dorm would evoke.

Finally realizing that her roommate was not at all paying attention to her lengthy tirade, the girl had stomped furiously out of the room and dorm, muttering half-formed thoughts, "Ice cream, fries, Sailor V..."

After the door slammed after her, he quirked a (very) small smile at her cute (hilarious) predictability. The Arcade? Undoubtedly.

**__**

And it's all right

__

One hundred and fifty-three months prior to present … twelve years and nine months

****

The constant pranks against him were bearable now ... well, to a certain extent. According to trial and error, he found that if he did use his innate agility to dodge incoming objects, step over feet stuck out in the aisle, or escape some of the other messier pranks, more and harsher actions followed. So he learned to allow the pranks to complete themselves and the originators of them to laugh indulgently before moving on, never shedding a tear or betraying an emotion.

Naturally, having only lived half a dozen years on this planet, this facade didn't last long. At night, even though he shared a room with three others boys who perhaps didn't hate him upon sight but didn't feel the need to get beat up over some puny six-year-old either, the tears came visiting and despite his efforts to keep the door in front of them locked tightly, they always seeped through. Incidentally, he became an expert at muffling sobs. 

All the teachers, even if they did manage to catch a glimpse of the atrocity turned quickly and once again immersed their heads in the thick textbooks provided by supporters of the orphanage. So, once again, he was alone with his worries, like the period of time after Tangelo died and before two-thirds of his family were murdered.

That remained true until a very different person came to the orphanage ... one with golden hair surrounding her head like a halo and bright sapphire eyes that seemed to glow with the energy that came naturally to people in their mid-twenties. 

This teacher was news in the orphanage. Not only did she not lecture and instead guided but also because she had insisted on everybody calling her by her first name, an odd English name that proved to be quite difficult to pronounce as her native people would -- Serena.

Their first meeting was, of course, in the classroom. His hopes had not risen at first when she too did not seem to notice the rest of the students' actions against him, but after their daily dose of education, he felt a soft touch on his shoulder, simple but able to convey a complex jumble of emotions, including sympathy, longing, wonder, and the simple joy of being alive.

"Daijoubu ka?" she questioned warmly before he even turned around. 

"H-hai, daijoubu," he muttered before trying to push past her and escape through the door. When he had learned to not fight against the pranks, he had also become aware of another fact -- anybody who helped him with this constant problem would either get hurt horribly or betray him. 

"Heero, I'd like to talk to you for a while. Is that okay?" she inquired, sounding genuinely concerned about whether or not _he_ wanted to talk to her. 

"H-hai," he responded, though this time less defensive as the shield around himself opened a bit, allowing a hairline crack to form.

She stepped over to her desk and sat down, expensive cloth rustling about in the process, and indicated for him to sit in the chair opposite of her. 

"Well, Heero, I'd like to congratulate you on being my top student." Her entire face seemed to glow with joy as she smiled a broad American smile that betrayed her true heritage despite the flawless Japanese that flowed from her lips. "Despite the fact that we're currently on eighth grade material and that your brain still hasn't reached the stage where it can solve complex problems, you walk out of this class as the child who came past all others and more than passes with a near perfect score."

"A-arigato gozaimasu," he stuttered, bowing from habit even though he sat in a chair.

"Why thank me? You're the one who did the work, Heero. But that was not what I wanted to discuss," her tone morphed into a darker one unexpectedly. "I have seen the way the other kids bully you and want you to know that if you have any problems, my door is always open. However, I'm not a miracle-worker, and am not able to stop this. If it cheers you up, however, know that they're only bullying you because they're jealous of you. They have seen your grades and the agility that you're born with but suppress."

When he didn't respond, simply looking down at his pale fingers that moved nervously about, she got up and once again touched him reassuringly on the shoulder. "Gambatte kudasai," she murmured gently, offering a small drop needed to fill an entire (empty) pitcher that should have been brimming with encouragement. 

As she turned on her heel and left the room, he was finally aware of the soft, veiled but ever-present scent of roses and lilies she surrounded herself with and felt stinging tears come to his eyes again despite valiant efforts to hold them back.

"Okaa-san," he stated softly.

**__**

You can all sleep sound tonight

__

Forty-two months prior to present … three years and six months

"Five?" she squeaked at the teacher's sudden question.

"Tsukino-san, do you realize that this problem is not possible with anything less than eleven steps?" the professor bit out harshly. The girl with a hair style that seemed to remind him of mini hand-thrown self-ignited bombs **[9]** seemed to ponder this question extensively before venturing a "No?"

"That was a rhetorical question," the teacher snapped causing Hiiro to smirk and wince at the same time, producing an interesting spasm of his face. That was why 'hn' always worked ... teachers don't know how to respond to it ... along with braided bakas with no tact and sooner or later no braid, tight-ponytailed Chinamen shoving kantanas up people's noses in the name of justice, angelic-looking millionaires who also seem to have a tendency to go insane (and then apologize profusely afterwards), and have-spoken-enough-words-in-his-life-to-count professional clowns.

The girl obviously shrunk back at this harsh retort and the question was tossed in his direction. He caught it gracefully and began reciting the answer. "First is the given, then Angle Addition Postulate..."

The previously barking teacher smiled widely at him and continued with his lesson without another glance in the (very) short blonde girl's general vicinity.

He turned around and smirked at the obviously fuming blonde, disguising his true purpose -- to get a better glimpse of her. How in this lifetime did _she_ get into this class? Geometry was offered here for eighth graders who passed certain tests but ... how did she pass the test? Luck? Baka.

**__**

I'm not crazy .... or anything

__

One hundred and fifty-two months prior to present … twelve years and eight months

****

Miss Serena (he disliked calling her just Serena) was a distant speck of light in his life. Dim, true, but still brightening the environment around him a fraction of a degree. Yes, he did go to her when he needed her, for various needed supplies and when the torture became unbearable, but logic warned him that she can't do much else to help him. As she had previously stated, she could do nothing about the bullying itself. She understands that if she were to stop every incident she saw, he would simply have more to cope with when alone. 

Though Miss Serena was only a dim light, another light consumed him completely, taking his mind off of the harsh things done to him and the unpleasant feelings directed towards him. That light, that light brighter than imaginable was education.

Miss Serena had been the initiator of it, the lighter of the candle. After hearing that he was top in the class, it became a goal in his life, the main one. It allowed him to ignore the other orphans and gave his life a purpose. 

And, once he started concentrating on it, he found his memory to be amazing, photographic even (at times)

****

Of course, prior to this he didn't have much of a life ... just being tossed around by his peers and some not so peers and then going along with the schedule assigned to him, only purpose in life to live to see the next day.

Miss Serena cured him, showering him with love when she could rest from her job and providing him with encouragement and daily smiles. He'd often spend hours with her, questioning her incessantly about a variety of things, from Newton's Laws to Shakespeare's Twelfth Night. She helped willingly, lending a hand when needed and standing back when he was clearly capable. 

Everything was once again getting back on track ... and he knew for sure disaster was waiting like a cobra in the dense grass.

**__**

I can't stand to fly

I'm not that naive

__

Twenty-nine months prior to present … two years and five months

****

"Ne, Hiiro, is Relena nice? After all, since we're going to her birthday and everything and I hardly know her," she didn't pause long enough for him to sneak an answer in and instead continued. "It's so cool knowing a girl like that! How did you ever meet her on a business trip? And how did you get her to become so familiar with you?" Again, she didn't pause for him to answer and the two questions whizzed past him. 

"I personally can't _wait _to meet her! Wow ... how many people get to actually know her..." she trailed off after looking in his direction, one earring dangling in her hand while its mate hung from one ear. 

"Ne, Hiiro, hurry up and get dressed," the blonde chirped happily before resuming her bustling around their apartment.

"I'm not going," he stated as neutrally as he could but couldn't help sharpening his words obstinately.

"Of course you are," she replied easily, words slicing through his smoothly and efficiently.

"I refuse," he stated more forcefully this time and stood up to accent the fact that he was taller than she was.

This time she froze and looked at him intently. He tried to look as obstinate and unmoving as possible but could feel the tension and slight anger from her travel out and wrap around him. "What?" she asked softly, a bit too softly for her simple word to carry its usual meaning.

"I refuse to go to that girl's birthday party," he expressed, narrowing his eyes to nonverbally carry his message across further.

Another long, silent pause enveloped the room before, "Hiiro, that _girl _is your girlfriend." Her head tilted slightly and a frown fitted itself over her features. Before he could give her a brilliant response (that didn't actually exist), she forced her own words out. "And that girl invited you. And if that isn't enough to get Mr. High and Mighty to show his face for at least five minutes, your business partners literally begged you to go. How egotistical do you have to be to refuse?"

Her words flashed in the light before digging into his skin. He refused to flinch. "You don't understand what I feel," he pointed out. _She would never understand why he wouldn't go ... never understand the horrors that he's been through ... heck, he can't even understand all of it..._

"I don't think that you are an accurate judge of what I do and do not understand," she chose her words carefully.

"Trust me, you won't understand."

"Iie, Hiiro. I stopped trusting you the day I found that no matter what I did, I'd never earn your trust." The words flew to his ears, coated with bitterness and soaked in acid.

He resorted to his usual answer. "Hn." Turning his eyes from her face, he put one foot in front of the other and started walking towards the stairs. Before he got to the third step, his roommate rushed to him and yelled, tears now filming her eyes, "Well why don't you ever give anybody a chance to try and understand you?! What are you afraid of?!" He continued walking. Entering the room, he slammed the door shut but what echoed more in his mind was...

_What are you afraid of?!_

What am I afraid of? Everything…

**__**

Men want men to ride

with clouds between their knees

One hundred and forty-nine months prior to present … twelve years and five months

****

When he was first told of the news he didn't believe it, didn't want to, wanted to shut it out of his mind and ignore it. But that was impossible and the truth was forced upon him when Miss Serena herself admitted to it. While in Japan, she had contracted tuberculosis, and her health was declining rapidly, giving her only one choice -- to go back to her home country to get the proper technology and medications administered to her. 

Why was this, he had questioned, and his last lesson from her commenced. Miss Serena explained that Japan had decided to separate itself from the rest of the world, therefore not receiving news of the latest medications and technology for this newer form of tuberculosis that resisted antibodies. When the last lesson finally ended, he found tears streaming down his cheeks and was shocked. When had he started crying? 

It wasn't until Miss Serena walked out of the classroom, leaving one last trail of roses and lilies in her wake that reality crashed over him and surrounded him with darkness once again.

He had lost yet another loved one to tuberculosis ... and somehow ... he knew he'll never see her again. Because she'll die in her home country.

**** __

I'm only a man

__

One hundred and forty-eight months prior to present … twelve years and four months

****

The view was magnificent, just like he thought it would be. The night sky, with clouds hardly visible was filled with mists of tiny lights, all shining together, unconditionally. Over the last few days, he had dragged out various objects, such as a ladder (which he had 'borrowed' from the now baffled janitor), several books (borrowed those from his unsuspecting peers who didn't really bother to look at their textbooks anyway), and a chair. 

He was panting by the time he reached the top of their nearest hill, which was actually not so near. He was about two to three miles away from the orphanage, traveling in the direction of the countryside, away from the plethora of bright lights that strived to rival the stars in nighttime Kyoto. 

From his calculations (Pythagorean Theorem) the hill was approximately 367 feet above sea level which, truth be told, isn't much. He just hoped his destination was reachable from there.

_Remember Hiiro, I'll always watch you from heaven..._

So the plan was this -- to reach upwards towards heaven, and once he got close enough, he might be able to grab something or have some angel soaring by grab his hand. Ah yes, the logic of a six-year-old is quite spectacular.

Yes, it's true he'll see Mamoru and his stepmother as well as his father (it never crossed his mind that they might be somewhere else) but still, it was all worth it. Still panting lightly, he grabbed the ladder from its hiding place behind a few choice bushes and other shrubbery and set it up at the peak of the hill, locking it to prevent it from sliding. Reaching behind a clump of thorny bushes, he grabbed the books and the chair carefully, so not to scratch his forearms. Slowly, clutching books and chair in one hand, he climbed the ladder. When he reached the top, he reached up shakily, towards the starry sky and felt cool, silky air brush past his fingers. Nothing. 

He backed down a few rungs. Taking the chair, he placed it at the top of the ladder, balancing it carefully so that the legs stuck out while the seat rested upon the very top of the ladder. Legs shaking from fear of heights, he climbed up to the chair and breathed deeply, trying to smooth out his fear. He reached again. Still silky clean air mocked his attempt by tickling his shivering hand. Still nothing.

Finally, frustratedly, he stacked the books, two by twos to prevent falling, on top of the chair and stepped up to it, feeling incredibly tall and incredibly nauseous. Hand once more reached upwards, hoping to snag the hem of an angel's or saint's robe, but nothing came back. Nothing. He let his hand drop defeatedly and sighed. The stack teetered precariously, and a sharp intake of breath followed. Now, not only were his legs shaking, his arms and hands were shaking with them, and despite the extra activity of his muscles, his toes and fingers were numb and upon laying his hand against an arm, cold as ice. 

His breathing slowed down to gentle puffs, to not shake the stack of whatnots he was standing on as he carefully bent his knees, the first step to climbing back down. A sudden gust of wind blew through the foresty hill and one particularly flexible tree stretched out its limb and slapped gently at his improvised ladder. He came tumbling down...

His landing was broken by the bushes full of thorns. Bits of natural needle scratched at him and tore at his skin, biting and lashing out so much that a scream shattered the peacefulness of the now early morning hours. Finally, his consciousness fell to tatters around him as if they too were scratched at and then the night reigned all. 

**** __

Not a silly wretch, please

__

Thirty-six months prior to present … three years

The bright sunlight stabbed at his eyes, making him moan in a half-asleep voice and sit up. The previous night had gone as badly as imaginable and the weekend consisted of one hell of a trip. What had he told Usagi? He vaguely remembered giving some lame excuse about stopping by Duo's for 'business' and then forgetting to call or come home at all ... and when questioned about the scrapes and cuts on his arms, he answered ambiguously, feeding her a story of Wufei taking his Duo torture system one step further, and that he had simply gotten caught in the crossfire. Likely? He hardly knew the difference at the time, but from the way Usagi had refused to catch his eyes, she must have either thought he was devastatingly hurt or an idiot who assumed she couldn't tell such flimsy lies from the truth.

Blinking away sleep even though to any outsider, he already looked fully alert, he noticed that he hadn't bothered to change out of the pretend business outfit that he had thrown on just before arriving back to their apartment from their weekend mission. Still sleepy, he padded out of his room, not bothering to change. After all, he reasoned, he'll simply grab a quick bite and--

The door was flung open and in the doorway stood his roommate, clutching a large grocery bag looking out of breath and extremely harried. Adorably childlike eyes turned to him and caught his, most likely seeing the look of a child being caught in some wrongdoing on his face. 

"Ohayo Hiiro, you're finally up! I got some ice cream though I'm not sure it's still frozen..." she chuckled nervously and set the bag down before finally revealing the contents of it and sticking it into the freezer. Meeting his accusing gaze, she smiled a wavering smile and blinked at him questioningly.

"Is the ice cream parlor not enough for you?" he heard himself taunt, his face once again sterilized of emotion. Oh great. He had lashed out at her again due to his frustration at foolishly babbling doctors (namely one foolishly babbling doctor...). This certainly didn't bode well for his mood the rest of the day...

The same childlike eyes widened further to show exactly what she was feeling -- disbelief and betrayal. 

"Well..." she cast around haphazardly, eyes flickering from one item to the next, looking for solace. "I just thought it would be nice, you know, after everything that happened yesterday..." A streamer of hair fell from her shoulder and hid half of her face as she looked down. 

Was she _crying_? Shoulders still clad with yesterday's shirt tensed before he looked away with shame. Why is this all so hard on her? Did she actually have the heart and capacity to ... worry for him? He shook his head as if to dispel the thought and succeeded though it didn't shake away the strong sense of guilt and regret that enveloped and clutched at his heart. Whoever said love conquered all was a fool and crazy as well -- guilt conquered all.

"Why don't we have some now?" he suggested in as gentle a voice as he could muster and before waiting for an answer, moved to fetch the ice cream scooper.

He could feel eyes staring at him from behind but hardly knew what the girl felt. By the time he had turned around again, her face with forced into a cheerful smile, and she chattered away without truly thinking about what she said. No matter what he did now, he could never regain that moment...

**__**

Looking for a quit tonight

On this one way street

__

One hundred and forty-eight months prior to present … twelve years and four months

****

The background was dim, almost black except for the semi-bright light that lit his surroundings. All of a sudden, the light flickered once ... and then again, and again like a candle being swept around in a wind's current. But there as no wind. And he couldn't determine the origin of the light. Which meant there was no candle. 

Curiosity tinged with fear engulfed him as he stood up hesitantly and walked towards it. However, for every step he took, it retreated several until it was so far away that it was just barely the size of a large star (from a few million light years away). Science and reasoning told him his surroundings should get dimmer but, they didn't, remaining constant. The light continued to pulsate and flicker.

He gave up reaching for it, not wanting it to disappear further into the arms of darkness and instead sat down upon the invisible floor. 

Minutes and hours flew by as he tried to remember what had stuck him in this situation. He remembered everything clearly, except how he had gotten here. Having absolutely nothing else to do, he reminisced. The joys of his life surfaced first and when he ran out of those, other not-so-happy times shadowed his mind. 

A small flame of anger he had been involuntarily nurturing throughout the last two years of his life introduced itself smugly. Before he knew it, the memories of those events turned the flame into a bonfire, engulfing all thoughts of reason and pretenses of fear. 

As quickly as the flame rose, it disappeared. He was shaken out of the turmoil of his memories and instantly looked around to see why. The answer was quite obvious -- the light had disappeared. But ... he wasn't scared as he should have been ... and when he reached back towards his memories for solace, he grasped nothing, no thoughts of happiness or pain ... the pages of his mind were blank.

**** __

I'm only a man

__

One hundred and forty-eight months prior to present … twelve years and four months

****

He woke up to the sound of fire eating wood, and wondered where he was now. Before bothering to open his eyes, he thought back to previous events and found nothing ... nothing but the utter hopeless feeling of being without memories and not quite understanding what happiness or sadness or even anger is like.

Something poked him gently, and finally he opened his eyes, hardly wanting to face the world anymore without a self, without his mortality, his emotions.

"Oi, daijoubu ka?" 

He nodded, blinking at the large man in his view, but wondered why he shouldn't be okay.

"You went through quite a bit! Those scratches should be okay after I disinfected them. It'll only be a matter of time before they heal but that head! I'd say you at least have a concussion if not a contusion," the man explained rather cheerfully.

Scratches? Concussion? Not until he looked down at himself, red lines decorating his arms and legs, did he finally acknowledge a throbbing sense of pain in the back of his mind. 

"Where am I?" he asked and struggled to not show surprise. Yes, his voice was still childlike, rather high-pitched, but it was flat. True, he should have expected this, knowing he didn't understand what emotions were like but...

"My house ... my temporary one at least," he was informed. "This one is rather nice, really ... be a while before I'll need to move again."

He remained silent. Seconds ticked by before, "Oi, boy, do you want to stay here? You look like you can handle the demands of my life."

Stay here? He had never thought about it ... it had almost come as a given that he would stay here. Where else would he go if he didn't stay here? He nodded again, not wanting to hear his own voice.

"You remember anything?"

"Iie," he said, and reality smacked him in the face. Now it became a fact -- he didn't remember anything ... nothing...

"Have you ever held a gun?"

The boy stared at the man.

"Oh, sorry, you wouldn't know would you?" He sighed and pulled one out from his pocket. The boy looked on with horrified curiosity. 

"Don't worry, it's not loaded," the man reassured him before tossing it in his direction. He caught it easily. "Try holding it as if you were about to use it."

Six-year-old fingers wrapped around the harsh metal and aimed it at the painting above the wall. 

"No, no, no! You don't hold it like that! Release the tension in your arm and direct it towards your index finger."

He shifted positions and then glanced up questioningly at the man. 

"No, that's not it either. Okay, your thumb should be like this," the man held his hand around an imaginary gun and showed him. "And then your index finger is like this and ... no, that's not it..."

**__**

Not a funny wretch please

__

Fifty-six months prior to present … four years and eight months

Confident strides sounded down near empty halls as he practiced a nifty little trick he had learned when he was about nine -- how to look all around himself while seemingly looking straight ahead. The lockers were nearing their doomsday, paint peeling off and for every five with a lock, there were ten more without one. Figures, public schools. 

"Ohayo gozaimasu! Are you new here?" A voice rang past his ears, causing him to hesitate. However, due to another useful trick learned when he was eight, he reacted so quickly that the hesitation was nearly invisible, a slight flaw in smooth steps and an arrogant gait.

"Ne, if you want, I could show you around here! We still have about half an hour before classes start..." Relief consumed him as the voice trailed off but was quickly overrode by shock, that was once again cleverly hidden, as the speaker popped up in his way.

"Oi, you can at least say no thank you or something! Don't just ignore me!" Steely green eyes glared at him before a short auburn ponytail swept past them due to her sudden stop. Her uniformed body shook with suppressed anger as the mildly brown skirt swayed around her. 

"Mako-chan!" another voice called out in dismay before three more girls intersected him and proceeded to clog up the hallway. _Why the hell did girls always travel in packs?_ he thought trying to suppress the scowl that was about to break past his indifferent mask.

The one who had spoken wore her bluish black hair short, cut at her chin and curled to follow the shape of her face. Deep, stormy blue eyes silently pleaded for her friend to stop creating a scene even though they were the only people around. He felt eyes on him and turned about a fifteen degree angle to meet intense violet-black eyes staring at him from beneath similarly colored bangs that lengthened at her ears and fell in waves down her back. 

The last person of the group wasn't paying any attention to him. Her head was bowed in either embarrassment or despondency and short sunny bangs covered over half of her face, putting another third in shadow. With the exception of her bangs, her hair was pulled into the weirdest hairdo he had ever seen, even surpassing Relena's twin braids number.

Nifty trick number three came into action as he stepped up to the brunette girl and whispered in a tone that covered all their surroundings with a thin layer of frost, "I only respond to important questions. Don't talk to me again unless you have something of matter to say." The whisper carried and added to the already frosty reply. Not falling out of step, he continued his walking and sauntered down the hallway, not looking back. The corner neared as he located bathrooms and his sixth period class with nifty trick number one. Squelching the urge proved useless so, with a mental defeated sigh, he turned the corner and stopped to look around it, back to the quartet of girls.

Apparently they had stopped observing the back of his uniform and had instead decided to do something more productive -- bicker.

"Ne, Mako, I let you all sleep over once and you gang up on me and set my alarm clock forward an hour!" the girl who had hidden her face from him whined, letting a wide yawn loose to prove her point halfway in her sentence.

"We were tired of you always waking up late ... besides, if the alarm clock hadn't woken you up on time, we would of anyway," the dark-haired girl responded for her tall friend, a smirk evident in her tone.

"Rei! I was seriously frantic! I thought I was _already_ late!" 

"Oh come on, sooner or later you're going to have to wake up on time!" This time the girl his icy rebuff was directed to spoke gleefully.

He slid down a little bit more, with his back to the wall until the entire group was in his peripheral vision.

"You guys are so mean to me!" The object of the group's mild teasing protested, head finally held up but turned from his direction. 

"Eh? I feel like we're being watched..." Whiney tone suddenly disappearing without a trace, the blonde girl with the unknown face turned around, eyes questioning rather than paranoid. Their eyes caught before he whirled around with immortal speed and proceeded once more to travel down the hall, bombarding himself with all the curses he knew and tsunamis of self-loathing and guilt. However, in his mind, a flash of bright and pure blue stood out.

"What was it?" one of the girl's companions questioned, and he paused once more to listen for an answer.

"Huh?" she replied abruptly, obviously startled. "Oh, it was nothing," she concluded, sounding very puzzled.

"Okay ... if you say so," another pal spoke up, sounding doubtful and more than a little unconvinced.

"Ano ... what do you want to do for the remaining twenty minutes we have?!" With a growl, the girl had obviously once again remembered the cause for her annoyance as the rest of the group sighed.

He strongly hoped he would never see any of them again...

**__**

Looking for special things, inside of me

__

One hundred and twenty-nine months prior to present … ten years and nine months

"Hiiro! You must stop crying! It is imperative for your survival!" the urgent but hardly frantic voice of his mentor and trainer for the past week played, rewound, and played again in his mind, creating bright flashes of pain.

He closed his eyes tightly and fairly trembled under the all-too-tight seatbelt of this ... this torture device. The holographic screen flickered slightly in front of his closed eyes as various machines of monstrous sizes flew at his own. _Mobile suits..._ It was horrifying, something an eight-year-old child should never have to witness ... he cried out as the opposing forces landed another shot on his already battered MS and the confined space he was in rattled and turned about. The various tubes and other miscellaneous devices attached to his arm stung and then retreated to their previously inactive modes. He felt wetness gather at the corners of his eyes.

Over the intercom he heard Dr. J mutter in a dejected and faraway voice that indicated he was speaking to another person, "Saa, he's always disposable. I thought for sure this one would be perfect..." 

_He's always disposable..._

The words flashed before his eyes and echoed in his mind, sneeringly. A white and hot anger that he had never experienced before was ignited in him, and he shot out blindly, suddenly sobbing uncontrollably. Not five seconds after his spontaneous attack upon the enemies, the machine spat him out, forcing him to the tiled floor of the lab and back into reality.

"You made it Hiiro! You've passed your first test!" his own doctor wheezed and grinned at him. 

"What amazing capacity ... so much emotion and yet so much talent," the person his mentor had previously been communicating to studied him warily with awed eyes. 

"Demo Hiiro, never never_ ever _cry again. You must not now that you have proven your worth. It will be your undoing," the doctor's voice took a sharp turn from pride to seriousness as he stared at the barely nine-year-old child that would undoubtedly become a reason to continue fighting and source of hope for the colonies.

_Cry? Why not?_ He wiped at his eyes and instead of the cool, light tears he had expected to find, his fingers met sticky liquid. Looking down at hands that have held more weapons than most 80-year-old men have seen in their lives, he gasped to find them covered in blood. _He was crying blood?_

Dr. J nodded expertly as though sensing Hiiro's realization. "That is the punishment of this machine. You must get rid of all excess emotions. Keep only anger as that is what motivates you but limit it -- it can also become your undoing. Don't ever cry again or you'll suffer blood loss and anemia ... the machine is not able to be disabled during the program therefore if you cry too much..." he let the sentence hang menacingly in the air. "We'll need to take you to the infirmary to replenish your blood loss," at this he nodded at his companion also clad in a laboratory jacket.

Only after hearing Dr. J's explanation did he experience wooziness from anemia ... he could die from the _training_? He pretended to be more disorientated than he truly was and allowed the two doctors to just about carry him out of the room.

**** __

I'm only a man

__

One hundred and fourteen months prior to present … nine years and six months

Puffy clouds decorated the sky, undoubtedly reminding idealists everywhere of cotton candy, marshmallows, or other joyful childhood remembrances. The hill covered with sweet and pure-colored grass came closer and closer to his face as he half accidentally half voluntarily fell and tumbled down to a stop. 

The sun shone through what should have been opaque clouds and created a vast array of color in the form of hexagonal spots when he allowed his upper and lower eyelashes to touch. For all he was worth, he laughed. Completely laughed with as much vigor as he could summon and as much joy as he had ... just to show Dr. J and those other tyrannical scientists that he still could. Sudden shadow blocked out all feelings of warmth on his face, and he opened his eyes, startled and afraid, a familiar sense of loss traveling like a tendril of electricity through his body.

A curious face looked down at him. Light aqua eyes framed by even paler eyelashes stared into his stormy ones and then narrowed in laughter. Not bothering to wipe the undoubtedly idiotic look off his face, he stared up at the sight of pure innocence and childhood, flaming undulatingly down, bringing shade from the sun. The little girl bent down to pat the sandy-colored puppy beside his arm that jumped around and wriggled unceasingly as a little tongue flickered out every once a while to lick the girl's hand or face. 

"Are you lost, sir?" the child questioned sweetly, light tan bangs being ruffled by the perfect breeze of the perfect day. Her sky-colored eyes widened impossibly and blinked as her lower lip trembled and was taken in her mouth and bitten on due to anxiety.

All thoughts of laughter and sunlight fled at the sight of impending shadows in his mind, and he sat up, letting one bare arm drape over a propped up knee. Dark messy bangs fell into his eyes, not at all disturbed by the breeze that struggled to ruffle them as he looked down. "I've been lost ever since I was born," he heard himself mutter and realized, with much shock and resentment, that it was the truth.

A tiny, slightly crushed but endearingly child-picked daisy was then stuck under his nose by a chubby little hand. He accepted it without thinking but didn't try to mirror the child's smile.

"Ne, I hope you feel better soon, mister," the girl chirped merrily before calling out to the puppy that was already straying to far from her and giggling as she tried to grab the little monster's collar.

He stared after the ribbons of her fancy, rather Victorian hat and the extraneously but endearingly doll-like ruffled and laced dress as she skipped away, her puppy following her, ears flopping in the wind and tail wagging so excitedly that it made its whole body squirm.

_I've been lost ever since I was born..._

**** __

Inside of me

__

Fifty-six months prior to present … four years and eight months

A first day at a new school meant dealing with new people meant preparing for unwanted gossip meant reinforcing his walls that kept society at least an armslength away. After just one period, he was, well, frankly put, the hot topic for gossip. With that in mind, the fact that so many pairs of eyes turned his way and so many whispers surrounded him was no surprise. 

"Wai ... he's hot!" a voice gushed followed by a much more tense one that cautioned, "Don't get near him!"

"Ne, naze?" the first voice, that upon second thought was a little (very) harsh on the ears due to the pitch, asked, or maybe screeched?

"Because he has a bad reputation. He goes through a girl a week!" the calmer voice uttered with much annoyance and disgust. 

"Demo ... that just makes it more interesting, ne? I'll be the one to stay past a week!" 

"No you won't! I will!" a new voice joined the group and proceeded to debate her previous statement. 

And society states that males are more competitive? He bit back a sadistic laugh at that and walked on. So this was high school, ne? It certainly owed up to its reputation -- stereotypes and prejudices galore. Naturally, he didn't mind -- it fit his purposes much better if people simply thought of him as an airheaded guy with only a few things in mind -- food, sleep, and girls. 

From the entertaining (useless) health classes he had taken, his constant need to have a female in his life comes from not having much contact with a mother and thus not spending time with the female in his life as a child. Well, if that were true, he didn't have a father either ... did that mean he also had a constant need to have a male in his life? And so the truth of health education is unraveled...

"Look, there's the new dude," a masculine voice muttered to a friend with as much hatred injected in his voice as infatuation in the girls'.

"Che! Bet he's a wimp!" 

And so forms yet another stereotype ... this time from the jealous (and airheaded) males of the school. He was having too much fun ... but, once again referring back to health class, that is what he was supposed to do at this age. However, according to it, he is leading an unhealthy life by slaughtering and ending thousands of lives each week (with a little exaggeration). How could the two concepts clash so much? After all, if the job was a blessing to him and brought about 'fun' and was unhealthy, but he was supposed to have fun then why can't he have fun when the fun is 'unhealthy' but still fun? He felt a headache coming on...

**** __

I'm only a man

__

Three days prior to present 

****

_Gotta hurry. Late. Stupid plane. Stupid Duo. Stupid mission. No, never stupid mission. Stupid Duo, stupid Duo, stupid Duo._

His path traced from the cab they had left behind (without paying) due to the serpentine trail of cars (that might as well be traveling through jelly) (reflecting the peanut-buttery rays of the sun) around in zig zags and swirls and finally to his current location. Deftly dodging a woman smiling brightly at her husband who was nearly invisible behind a staggering stack of boxes and bags, his agility failed him. 

Since he was going at a speed average people cannot maintain for more than say ... ten seconds, the person he bumped into fell to the cement and _slid_. He slowed down to an instant stop and stared. Not five seconds later, Duo bumped into him and then Quatre bumped into _him_ and then Wufei bumped into _him_ all with a gigantic 'oomph!'. Of course, Trowa stopped in time and was staring at them with the strangest expression on his face -- disbelief mixed with smugness and swirled around in feigned nonchalance. 

"Itai..." the girl mumbled before difficultly standing up and brushing her daisy-speckled orange sundress off and looked up. "Sorry for bumping into you," she apologized cheerfully with an expectant air. 

"Hn," he returned graciously, looking off impatiently in the direction they were heading, completely missing her outraged look and even the way she looked like for that matter.

"Oi, Hiiro, buddy, that's not how you treat a girl! Observe," Duo grinned and turned towards "the girl". "I'm sorry, Miss, but we're in a hurry, as you can see, and my sadly crass friend here did not see you so how about a cup of coffee at the nearest cafe?" 

His grinning face met a few crystalline blinks before the girl gathered her wits and replied, "Thank you, but I thought you-"

"Needed to get somewhere? Hiiro can take care of that, can't you? Just tell that old goat that I'm detained right now. The mission will be nothing stellar so you four can do without me for an hour or so?" he added smoothly. 

"Oi, you have no right ordering us around! We're not going to do anything about you, and you can deal with 'the old goat's' anger when you get back. Have fun in the afterlife you braided baka," Wufei broke the mood brilliantly and decidedly stomped off in the direction Hiiro was glancing at previously. Previously as in a few minutes ago. Before he glanced at "the girl". "The girl" who had incredibly familiar eyes and features in general that he couldn't quite place. "The girl" who was currently glancing up at him curiously. He broke eye contact immediately.

"I'm going with him," Trowa stated simply and walked off calmly in Wufei's footsteps. 

Both pilot 01 and 02 turned towards the last remaining member of their team, challenging the softhearted Quatre. The angelic blonde looked from the trio who stood before him to the still visible figure of the incredibly tall Trowa and then back again, face twisted into a look of worry and indecision. Finally, with a severely apologetic glance, he mumbled a, "Gomen," and jogged off in his _other_ two comrade's direction. 

"By the way, I'm Duo, and he's, as you know, Hiiro ... so do you know where the nearest cafe is?" Duo jumped back into the conversation with such finesse that Hiiro would have stared at him had he not already been staring at the oddly familiar blonde...

"Minako Aino's the name," she smiled and blinked as them, once again waiting for a response that this time neither of them could fathom.

Minako's face fell. "You've never heard of me even? I'm pretty big over here in the states ... and yeah, I know where the nearest cafe is ... just don't direct attention towards me, okay? I don't want to be stampeded over." 

"Oh yeah! I know you!" The blonde's face visibly brightened. "You won that international pie eating contest once, right? Man, sixty-nine? Never knew people with your type of figure could do it!" The blonde's face not only fell but also reddened until it could rival a ripe tomato, and she quickly motioned for the bored-looking Hiiro (who stuck around anyway) and the confused (again) Duo to follow her. 

Though her conversation was mainly (completely) composed of her comments and Duo's remarks, a crystalline blue gaze constantly landed on him. _Why_ was this girl so familiar? And what was the odd sensation that was burgeoning within him...? That airplane food better not have been contaminated again...

**__**

Looking for a dream

Three days prior to present

****

The cafe was moderately lit and was composed of elegant little tables and vintage chairs. Minako quietly (for the first time since they had met) walked to a non-attention-drawing table and sat down, accepting a menu from the waitress who had tailed her. 

After ordering and long before the food arrived, Minako decided to do a standard interview of both pilots. 

"So why are you here?"

"Business," Hiiro finally spoke, more than one syllable, yes, but still only one word.

"What business?" she pressed curiously.

"Financial," he supplied another word out of his carefully sanctioned vocabulary and glared at her, daring her to challenge that.

Apparently Minako was the type of person who took dares. "What type of financial business? Maybe I can help," she asked again, eyes shining, showing that her interest was piqued.

"You can't help," he shot back with much encouragement before turning his head and looking out the window, locking himself out of the conversation after he reached the record three-word response. So close to breaking the record too...

Before Minako could comment on this, Duo quickly said, "Trust me, you can't help ... besides, he's not the type of person who likes to give away information ... so why don't we talk? Why _should_ I know you?"

This warranted a whole hour of babbling from the blonde, from credits to degrees, listing all her jobs in acting from her month-old act as the baby in a little-known movie to her most recent one, a much apprehended action film starring herself staged in the streets of Tokyo. 

**** __

I'm only a man

__

One day prior to present

****

"What made you decide to let her come with us?!" Wufei ranted, repeating what he had been saying for the seventh time in a row. 

"She asked," Duo replied simply, with childlike innocence. 

"Maybe _you _didn't consider the consequences, but I expected Yui to at least think this over! What effects do you think this ... this ... " he paused, searching through his vocabulary for an appropriate but still unflattering term . "This ... creature, will have on us?!"

"Umm ... she's paying for her own tickets and ... she's not going to live with us ... so, none?"

The room seemed to fog up with the steam pouring from Wufei's general direction before the inevitable explosion took place. "If you can't get that through your thick head then try this!" A bat materialized in the Chinese's hand and he proceeded to bonk Duo seven times upon the head before the braided boy could figure out where the pain was coming from, due to the still-present steam.

An hour later, both stood panting, hands on knees. "Oi, is Yui still moping over there?" Wufei finally inquired, glancing over at the sitting Hiiro, completely unaware that he was on battleground and looking out the window at the top of a dull-bricked building.

"Ah, c'mon Hii-chan! So what if you didn't see him! I wouldn't have either if I was doing hand to hand combat with fifty other guys ... besides, the cut he gave you is three millimeters long! A papercut, Hiiro, you're stressing out over a papercut!" Due to his fighting "fifty guys" (as Duo's accurate description put it) an enemy had crept up from behind him and given him, with no exaggeration, a papercut. Naturally, this papercut was done with a knife, but still, a bruised ego hurts a lot more than a papercut wrist.

He ignored Duo's jabberings, dismissing it as the random spewing of facts he unearthed on the Internet (from how to bathe a cat to how to include mayonnaise in everything you eat). What made her so familiar and so alluring? Bright blue eyes ... bright blue eyes ... golden hair ... golden hair ... that bubbly attitude, long lashes, fair skin, slender build ... what was it? Finally, it all clicked. This Minako girl reminded him tremendously of ... 

_Usagi._

Damn he was such an idiot.

****

Not a funny wretch, please

One hundred and forty-seven months prior to present … twelve years and three months

****

A week had passed since he had lived with the man who called himself Odin Lowe and still he wasn't given a name. Throughout the week he had gone through vigorous training, holding many models and types of weapons in his hands and then aiming. Odin told him about his 'side job' and how a mission could come at any moment. 

He stared at himself in the mirror, noting still wide, child-like eyes, burning a dark blue flame, with blue smoke clouding them. He turned on the faucet and splashed three splashes of water upon himself and wiped his face dry with a sleeve. The action seemed familiar ... he stood, breath abated, hoping for a memory to come to him like it often did in amnesiac patients (Odin had told him to watch out for fragments of his past). Nothing.

Sighing softly, he looked at himself in the mirror and hesitantly cracked a smile. His eyes, a sullen blue, dark with memories his mind can't reach narrowed slightly as his lips curved into the smile. 

A few blinks of the eye went by before he relaxed his face. No, something that beautiful should never appear on so grief-stricken a face. He'll never let a smile dawn upon his face again, he promised himself before flipping the light off with a chubby six-year-old hand.

**__**

And it's not easy, to be me

Oh sheesh I'm tired….

Notes:

1. From famous article titled "Yes, Virginia, There is a Santa Claus"

2. Power Rangers. ::shrugs::

3. Which is very, very little.

4. Survival of the fittest. Again, reference to Soujiro who was haunting me at the time I was writing this … ShiShio's memorable phrase that changed Sou-chan's life forever. :D

5. Again, Soujiro promised himself this … and we all saw how well that turned out, ne?

6. Ka is the written Japanese question mark but to clarify things, I added a question mark that is actually quite grammatically incorrect. 

7. From article on school shooting titled "Evil Visits School" back in … the 1920's or 1930's.


	5. Disillusions

Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing or Sailor Moon and am not making any profit off of the production of this story. Please ignore me if at delirious moments I say that I do.

Editors: Thanks by the bunches! Glad you guys didn't forget the story line after six months of not worrying about this fic … Lol. Happy Thanksgiving to Usagi Asia Maxwell, Lady Artemis, and Autumn Hime!

Chapter 4: Disillusions

Somehow news had leaked out, and she found herself receiving scores of calls notifying her that there would be a girl-talk session the instant she was free. Of course, the "instant she was free" simply came as a formality, and her "friends" decided that the "instant she was free" would be that night. Shaking her head in irritation, she fought to focus on the lecturing professor and disregard the dark frowns her fellow students shot her way. She had forgotten to set the cell phone on vibrate.

Heaving a sigh, she dug out her tape recorder and started recording. This wasn't a practice she was particularly fond of, but her thoughts were chaotically cluttered and there was no way the professor's ranting was going to get through them. Leaning back and adjusting her body so that she got the maximum amount of comfort out of the seat and looking right through the glares once again fired at her due to a whining creak emitted, she fell into a short catnap.

………………..

"Usa! Come on in!" welcomed her along with a friendly hug courtesy of Makoto as she smiled and stepped in, hanging her coat up. Entering the living room, she frowned at the stacks of movies in front of Ami and Rei as they chatted in low murmurs. 

"You know, guys, I can't stay for long. I've got to go over my notes on parliamentary procedure … there's a major grade on the Socratic seminar tomorrow," she warned, carefully sitting on the floor as Makoto plopped down on the couch.

Rei rolled her eyes. "Lighten up, Usagi! The world doesn't revolve around studying. Besides, even Ami is here, and you don't see _her_ studying, do you?"

The blonde grinned ironically. "Which is undoubtedly because she's already eighteen chapters ahead in all of her classes." The navy-haired girl gave a start.

"How'd you know, Usa?" she giggled.

A few minutes of edgy silence passed as the trio watched Usagi stuff herself with the packages of snacks scattered over the thick carpet. Makoto broke first. 

"Oh come on, Usagi. Spill it."

Wide azure eyes glanced up at her, and the fair-headed girl cautiously replied, "Mmmph umm oof uhn?"

Her expression turned somber after the mass of dubious looks she received, and she gulped down the food. "Spill what?"

"Hiiro, Mina, airport, lilies. Ring a bell?"

Usagi's eyes widened with betrayal and then narrowed with exasperation. "It was _Relena_! She told you all!"

"Usagi. Talk. Now."

"No. Way."

Ami sighed. "You're turning into your roommate. I'd think that you would know by now that imprisoning your emotions will do extensive damage to your body."

Her friend made a face. "You're going to be a terrific mother someday, Ami. And that isn't necessarily a compliment." At Ami's small smile, the blonde sighed and yielded, muttering a soft, "I want to get this over with," under her breath to which all three "friends" beamed.

"It's very simple actually. I went to pick him up to confess my feelings, and I see him with another girl. And to add insult to injury, that girl was my sister." She shrugged and sat back.

"And how do you feel about this?" Rei probed. 

The ebony-tressed girl received a glare. "What, are you practicing your psychology junk on me now?"

"Yes."

Rolling her eyes and twirling a strand of hair with her index finger, Usagi continued, staring indifferently at the floor. "I feel betrayed, miserable, and disillusioned. Wouldn't anybody?"

She glanced up to find Makoto's right eye twitching dangerously, Rei's violet ones narrowed and smoldering with anger, and Ami's mouth drawn in a thin line.

"I'm going to kill that bastard," her ponytailed friend snarled as Rei nodded her passionate agreement.

Liquid blue eyes widened in dismay. "No, don't! I would never forgive you if you do!"

All three blinked at her. Finally, Rei came through with her psychological knowledge. "You're still in love with him."

"I always will be."

With a groan, Makoto fell back onto the couch and brought her hands up to her temples. Suddenly, she straightened. "I have an idea."

"Do tell."

She shrugged off the half-sarcastic reply. "Remember that _adorable_ guy we met shopping the other day? I believe he told us he was single, and you pried his number out of him, Rei," she spoke rapidly as Usagi's heart sank slowly.

Violet eyes brightened. "Oh yeah! I know I have it somewhere…" She strode off towards her room as Usagi gently banged her head against her drawn up knees.

"Got it!" In her hands, Rei clutched a business card and handed it to Makoto who gave a decisive nod.

Ami's smooth, thoughtful eyes caught her own frenetic cerulean ones. "A date. That is all we ask of you. To get your mind off of Hiiro."

Out of the blue, anger tinted her surroundings scarlet. "Who are you to ask me to go on a date? Have any of you guys even suffered love? I refuse! Absolutely not!" Stomping off, she grabbed her coat and tugged it on.

Following her, Rei's shoulders slumped. "You're right, Usagi. None of us have experienced love but … just consider it at least? And if you're still interested, you know where to reach any one of us." Her harsh cobalt orbs met three remorseful and sincere faces, and the blue softened. 

"Good night," was all she mumbled before exiting the apartment and racing down the stairs.

…………………

Love. She hated the word almost as much as she hated the emotion. Love was foolish, was pathetic, was nothing but a synonym of misery. But still … love brought hope, brought euphoria when that hope was fulfilled. She shook her head and sat up in the dark. Wryly, she berated herself – _If I analyze love this much, maybe I should have gone into psychology like Rei…_

Did she love Hiiro? Yes. Did she love Minako? Of course. And that left her stuck right where she started. Gently, she shifted her weight and moved her pillow so that she could comfortably lean against the headboard of the bed. Drawing warm covers up around her, she pulled her legs up to her chest and rested her chin on her knees, navy eyes peering into the darkness of her room.

Why was she even worried? It wasn't as if she had never been down this road before. It wasn't as if he hadn't been with anyone else prior to Minako. 

But … the fact that she was her sister _stung._ Carefully, she bent her head until her forehead now laid on her knees and subdued her tears with the darkness. 

Moments passed before she experienced the crawling sensation that somebody was watching her. Shuddering inwardly, she hushed herself and suspiciously looked up. Blazing blue eyes at her doorway made her jump.

"What's wrong?" came gruffly as he stood from his leaning position against the doorframe.

"Nothing," she replied robotically.

A soft snort answered her. "Truthfully."

"Nothing."

Dim indigo eyes glared into hers, but he was the first to look away, shaken but only showing it by the almost inaudible, shuddering breath he breathed out. "Look, you're crying. I'm sure you don't think that I am so big of an emotional idiot that I wouldn't realize crying equates to sadness," he said ruthlessly. 

"I never asked for your help." She sniffed and looked away.

"Okay then. I'm sorry," he apologized derisively and began to turn around before stopping. "You realize that this is difficult for me, and you're purposely exacerbating it?"

The jagged retort that answered his question caught him off guard. "Of course I realize it! That's why I never ask for your help! So let's just make it easier on you and leave me alone!"

He closed the door as he exited mutely. Closing his eyes, he leant against it and ran a hand through his hair out of frustration and bewilderment. The conversation left him with a pounding headache. _What was her problem?_ Involuntarily, his eyes glanced sideways to the door down the hall. _Minako…_

On the opposite side of the door, Usagi leaned over and grabbed a few tissues out of the box at her bedside table wiping the tears off. _Minako, not two rooms down the hall…_ Angrily, she tore up the tissues and resigned herself to the onslaught of tears that followed.

…………………

"Morning Usa! My turn to cook!" her sister gleefully chirped as she bounced down the stairs. Usagi nodded groggily and yawned before bumping into a closed door. Scowling, she pounded on it and yelled an incensed, "Hurry up already, Hiiro!"

Only then did wakefulness catch up with her, and she sorted through the events that had happened when she had only been half-awake. Her heart stopped, and she rushed to the stair rail. "Minako! Don't you _dare_ touch that stove!" The memory of the kitchen curtains going up in flames was excruciatingly clear. 

"Bathroom," reached her ears calmly as she started and turned back. Hiiro glowered at her briefly before avoiding her eyes and walking downstairs, ready to assist with the cooking.

"Took you long enough," she frowned down at him before marching into the bathroom and slamming the door shut after her with a thunderous bang.

"What's with her?" Minako questioned him puzzledly after pecking him on the cheek. He shrugged and pulled out the half-empty carton of eggs from the fridge.

Twenty minutes later, the three were assembled at the table. Minako chattered while Hiiro read the newspaper. Usagi picked at her food, shoving it around on her plate to create the illusion that she had eaten something.

"Oh yeah, Usa! Hii-chan and I are going out to eat tonight. Don't wait up." Usagi's head snapped up as she gaped at her sister.

"Okay?" dragged her out of her reverie. Swiftly deciding, she nodded and replied, "Don't worry – I have a date tonight anyway."

Minako gave an enthused squeal. "Really? With who?"

Usagi simply smiled at the blonde, reminding herself that Mina truly meant no harm. It wasn't as if she was dating Hiiro out of spite towards her.

Neither of the girls seemed to notice Hiiro's jaw impulsively clench and the hold on the newspaper tighten until the paper crinkled in protest. Ignoring Minako's perplexed glance, he berated himself for the actions and briefly wondered why anger seemed to bubble in his stomach.

"Well, I have to go. 9:00 class!" Usagi optimistically called out, grabbing her keys off of the counter and strolling off towards the front door.

…………………

"Mako? Usagi here," she greeted on the cell phone as she easily maneuvered the car into the parking lot closest to the building where her class was located with one hand on the steering wheel.

"I've decided to take you guys up on your offer after all … mm-hmm. Yeah." Spotting an available space, she moved towards it. "So who is this guy exactly?"

Parking and turning the ignition off, she leaned over the passenger seat to grab her purse. "Okay, fine. No hints at all? …Fine. Yeah, sure. 7:00 tonight at … where? Okay … of course. _Mako_, I'm going to be late." She laughed. "Talk to you later."

…………………

Wow that was dull. Lol. ^^ Nothing much happened … a few emphases and the whole date thing introduced. Not much action but I tried to keep the stream of consciousness to a minimum, thank goodness. ^^''' I'm interested in you guys' opinions on who this mystery guy should be though I _think _I have already decided. ^^ Review please!


	6. Perplexity

Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing or Sailor Moon … ::glares:: Well? Do you? I think not! Lol. Kidding, kidding. For all I know, you might indeed own one or both. ::shudders::

Editors: Love you guys! I'm surprised you all took the constant examining of emotions so well … personally, it's as boring as heck but ::shrugs:: Thanks for Autumn Hime, Usagi Asia Maxwell, DevilsDarling, and Lady Artemis's wonderful help! ^^

****

Chapter 5: Perplexity

…………………

Usagi sighed as the modem started emitting its strident, high-pitched sounds. She was taking a stab in the dark by guessing that Makoto was online rather than using the phone. Thankfully, Minako was out doing some photo shoot nearby which left the second phone line free for Hiiro's use. Relief burgeoned from the small fact that he wouldn't need to bother her. 

She leaned forward in her chair and grabbed the mouse as new screens popped up on the luminous computer. Pulling up the IM box, her fingers tapped out 'Details of date?'

"Usagi." She jumped in her seat and swiveled around to face the intruder. 

Her lips twitched upwards in a weak smile. "Hiiro." She swallowed and winced at the gulping sound. A period of silence passed, static flickering in the air or, at least, so she imagined. Wryly, she assured herself that the stress was unquestionably unilateral. "And your business here is…?"

"You're holding up the phone line."

She frowned and blinked. "Only one of them."

"Just get off, all right?"

Scowling, she glowered at him. "I'm paying just as much as you are for these two lines! You have no right to order me to get offline when you yourself are on 24/7!" she snapped, large blue eyes smoldering acridly.

"Well, excuse me," he retorted harshly. "And you know what? I don't give a damn about that date of yours tonight!"

Blue eyes blinked. "Did you just change the subject?"

"Forget it."

"No, Hiiro. I'm not going to forget it. Are you trying to keep me from dating tonight?" Her heart had long since leapt to her throat and was beating loudly and treacherously. She mentally shook her head. _No, I am OVER this. I am OVER him. He can have his oversized ego and his grumpy self! He can have his beautiful eyes and … and … Aw, shoot._

"No."

"Then why are you here?"

"Phone line."

The blonde leapt to her feet, eyes flashing with animosity. "Don't feed me that crap, Hiiro Yui! You know as well as I do your laptop only needs one line!"

"Hn." He turned on his heel and strode out of her room. She crossed her arms over her chest angrily as she watched him go, wanting to beg for him to stay but also so much more…

…………………

He felt resentment sitting heavily on his chest. Slamming his door shut, his eyes adjusted to the dim dusk of the study before narrowing at the closed blinds and the faintly glowing laptop. Its ubiquitous humming filled the room and his mind but failed to drown out the raging thoughts. What was he doing in there? What HAD he done in there? Why does it feel as if the world might cease to exist if she went on this date? Questions fired out endlessly but not one answer echoed back.

…………………

Frowning at the driver that cut in front of her, she sighed and leaned back in her seat, resting her head on a propped up arm. The heat blowing in her face was making her nauseous, but she wasn't about to turn it down a notch. Traffic was horrendous and spending precious minutes of her Friday night sitting in a car was not her idea of fun. A high-pitched version of Beethoven's Fur Elise broke her out of her reverie and, groaning, she reached over to grab her cell phone, inching ahead, tailing the car in front of her before pressing the "talk" button. "Usagi speaking."

"Oi, Usa!" chirped over the phone, and she let a small smile drift over her lips. 

"Makoto? Something wrong?"

"Change in plans. It is now a double date – I'm going too. The place will be La Luna – you know, the fancy little restaurant off of Midway next to Mountain View Mall?"

"I think so…"

"Great! Well, call me if you have problems getting there! Reservations are under my name. See you soon."

"Bye," she murmured and ended the connection, tossing the phone into the seat adjacent to hers. _La Luna … isn't that on the other side of town?_ Rolling her eyes and inching another meter or so ahead, she reached into her purse and dug out a mirror. Gazing indifferently at wide baby-blue eyes and wrinkling her nose at the slight telltale signs of lack of rest, she snapped it back shut and straightened her posture, smoothing out the wrinkles on the daisy-dotted, chiffon-veiled skirt. The digital clock blinked 6:30.

…………………

"Reservations under Kino," she smiled at the receptionist. The girl nodded politely and motioned for her to follow. 

"Your table," she offered softly, and Usagi's eyes brightened as she met Makoto's brilliant emerald ones. 

She smiled briefly at the man present before instantly glancing back again. "Duo?!"

"Usagi? Wow … what a coincidence!" he grinned and extended his hand. She was about to shake it before her own was captured and brought up to the braided man's lips in a chaste kiss. Smiling waveringly, she felt her cheeks flush. 

"Are you…?"

"Your date? No, of course not! I'm accompanying the lovely Lady Kino tonight." He grinned cheekily at his date who raised a skeptic eyebrow before relenting and smiling back. 

The blonde blinked at this twist of events and glanced at Makoto. "And my date…?"

"Still has five minutes to make it on time," her friend, chestnut hair no longer restrained in its usual ponytail interjected quickly. Nodding, she carefully sat down, sipping the lemon-tinged water for lack of anything better to do. Voices drifted over to her ears as she thoughtfully stared at the gilded wallpaper borders and Corinthian columns. 

"Reservation under Kino, please." Makoto's face broke into a broad smile as Usagi turned in her seat. Her sky-hued eyes met a similar pair of ethereal blue as her date greeted her with an apologetic smile. His dark, three-piece suit fitted him wonderfully as he strode towards them. She smiled back.

"Miss Usagi, I presume?"

"Quatre! Made it with twenty-seven seconds to spare!" Duo laughed.

…………………

With a flick of his wrist, the TV clicked on. Absentmindedly, he flipped through a few channels and turned it off again, barely noticing the advent and departure of the blaring noise.

"Hii-chan! Let's go!"

Sighing, he got up and the wrinkles of his dress shirt straightened themselves. "Where to?"

"Somebody recommended this nice little restaurant called … hmm. Well what'd you know? …I forgot."

"Address?"

"I have it written down somewhere … aha!" Triumphantly, she handed a slip of paper torn from a previously larger sheet to him. 

"Hn." He swept a brief gaze over it and stuffed it into his pocket.

…………………

She surreptitiously watched her date laugh as Duo cracked another lame blonde joke and had to giggle as Makoto groaned. The affable blonde beside her charmed her and filled her with a comfortable feeling. Plus, not to sound superficial, he wasn't too harsh on the eyes either. Platinum blonde hair fell boyishly in front of soft, warm blue eyes that sparkled as he smiled. 

The waiter came back with their food, and she slid forward in her seat. Duo, however, gazed suspiciously after the tall man. "Does he look familiar to you, Quatre? He's already passed our table seven times," he questioned slowly, arching his neck to follow the diminishing form. The blonde beside her blinked and glanced up shortly before doing a sharp double take as Makoto and she looked curiously on. Quatre seemed to pale a couple of shades and glanced uneasily at his braided friend. 

"Do you think it's Rashid?"

At this mysterious question, Duo blanched. "He _couldn't_ have followed us!"

Usagi cleared her throat. "What is this all about?"

Quatre smiled nervously up at her. "The Manguanacs. They're my personal guard … and tend to get a little protective at times…"

Makoto started laughing. "We're being spied on?"

The blonde blushed adorably, and Usagi unconsciously smiled. "I think so."

"But it's only for your protection, right? No harm done?"

"Invasion of privacy?" he managed weakly. 

Duo scowled at this. "Q-man has absolutely nothing to worry about. They don't hate _him._"

"Duo, the Manguanacs do not hate you," Quatre chided. "They just … frown upon the pranks you have pulled around the mansion. Like that last time when you set the Christmas tree on fire? And that other time-"

"Okay, okay! I get the point!" Duo sulked. She and Makoto shared a grin. 

Inwardly, though, she frowned and delved into her emotions. The man beside her was perfect – handsome, charismatic, polite, loving. The list went on endlessly. However … a slight feeling of indifference tinged her admiration of him. Her smile fell as a mental picture of her roommate flashed through her mind, and her breathing and pulse sped up. Mentally shaking her head, she realized that Quatre would never by Hiiro. Their love would never be passionate. But, at the same time, he could easily make her happy. She attacked her salad vigorously. 

_I really should have gone into psychology like Rei…_

…………………

He stole a glance at the vivacious girl Makoto had set him up with and had to smile. She was perfect – everything a man could wish for. Her slender form looked relaxed in the decorative chair as her hands played with the napkin in her lap. Golden strands of hair were pulled up in an endearingly childish hairstyle, lending more to the sweet, polished aura she emitted. Her bright eyes shimmered as she giggled at the banter between Makoto and Duo. Suddenly, she turned to him and met his assessing gaze, catching a vestige of the blush that tinted his cheeks and sending him into another wave of crimson. 

Cerulean eyes framed with dark lashes danced with mirth at his discomfort and rosy lips pulled up in a smile. He caught his breath and gazed at the heavenly sight in front of him. At the moment, he experienced the strongest urge to capture those smiling lips with his own. Instead, he settled with a returning, abashed smile.

………………….

She followed Duo and Quatre's conversations on the recent movements towards peace made by Relena and interjected at appropriate times. She smiled at the thought of her honey-haired friend speaking on behalf of pacifism and persuading various world leaders to agree whole-heartedly to her plans. Relena really was something…

Out of her peripheral vision, she saw Makoto's eyes widen and her jaw drop. She instantly snapped to attention. With difficulty, it seemed, the brunette suppressed her expression before either of their dates caught sight of it. Usagi shot her a _look_, silently asking what was going on. Makoto shook her head violently, obviously wanting to keep the information from her as well. Emerald eyes were trained on something directly behind her. She turned to look.

Hiiro and Minako walked into the restaurant, looking very much like the idyllic couple.

…………………

It's so typical I hate myself. ^^''' That's why I refrained from using Duo or Darien (Darien didn't even cross my mind … o_O) as the date … notice that I ALWAYS use one or the other. It's pathetic, really. So, since I'm not that familiar with Trowa, and Wufei didn't seem to really fit into this situation, Quatre came up as the final decision! ^^ It works, no? Review, please! ^^ (This is exactly four pages. I could make it five but … why waste the space? :D) 

My biannual note to reviewers. ^^''' :

____: Well, fanfiction.net has done it again. Your name didn't show up. ::sigh:: But here's the update anyhow! ^^

AmyAngel: Lol. Yeah, most definitely. Sorry to make you wait anyhow. ^^'''

DevlishFirefly: Wow … you almost made me go into cardiac arrest (because I planned everything around Quatre). I checked previous chapters though I definitely could easily have missed something (if I did, please tell me!). Usagi's friends have met Hiiro and constantly hear of Hiiro from Usagi. Hiiro's friends have met Usagi and Minako both, Minako in LA and Usagi from their … "business trips". That was all I found, but if you can tell me where I messed up, please do! ^^'''

Kiwi: Lol. Is this considered long? ^_~ I'm working on the speed at which I write. Really, I am! ^-^

Nya-chan: Well … he is a friend of Hiiro's … Lol. ^^

MarsMoonStar: Hiiro impression? *_*

Moon Dreamer: So many people guessed Darien (sorry – I have a thing against the name Mamoru. It looks ugly. Lol. -_-''')! WHY?! I probably use Duo more than I use Darien … hmmm … oh well! At least I surprised people! ^^

Silver_punk: Only Usagi would get dealt a hand like this? Hmmm … I should use that phrase somewhere … Lol. Watch out for it – it may pop up. I'll give you full credit when it does. ^_~

Moonlight Hour: This IS going to get finished! I'll keep writing! ^^

Tenshi-chikyuu: O_o I hope you didn't bet a lot. ^_~ Anyhow … hmmm … I don't make it a habit to pity my characters. Lol. Sorry … I seem so cruel, no? ^^

Leslie Hellstone, Chamos: Oh gosh. You make me feel bad. ^_~ After the "make it Milliardo!" comment, I REALLY wanted to … like you said, somebody who would literally make Hiiro want to murder him, but … can you imagine gentle, polite Quatre defying Hiiro? I can't decide if it was worth it though… ^^'''

Alexz: Soon enough? ^_~ Thanks for being so faithful to my writing. It means a lot. ^^ (sounds so cliché but…)

Sailor Grape: Hmmm … guessing isn't fun? Lol. I agree but … couldn't you make an exception in this case? ^^ ::GRRRR:: Have you realized HOW many times you have guessed my plots? ARG! -_-''' Not fair. ::sniff:: I agree it is utterly not Mina's fault. It's not difficult to believe people would hate her for the situation she is in right now but … I kind of feel sorry for her. Lol. The bomb is going to drop soon on poor Mina … and it's not going to bash her in any way. ^^

Sweet Sere: Never figured out how to pronounce "Sere" (se-REE or sear as this one author did it…) Ah well. Here's the update! ^^

SerenityLNguyen: Another Darien supporter. Not really supporter but ::shrugs:: I have this uneasy feeling that I know you from the real world (real world … O_o) … it's odd. That's okay. ^^

Xtreme Nuisance: I wrote more. ^_~ And yet another vote for Darien … ::sigh:: Do I seem that predictable to you guys??? T_T

Lilaclight: Okay … ummm … this is KINDA long but not because I wrote a long chapter, per se. Lol. It's these notes that make it long. And even so … it hasn't gone past six pages yet. -_-''' (Last line on fifth! Gimme a break! ^^''')

^_~: I updated! Soon too (for me at least)! Wow! Two wishes fulfilled! ^^'''


	7. Jealousy

Look, look! Another chapter! ^^

Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing or Sailor Moon. ::sniff:: How can I ever get over it…? And when will you guys stop shoving it in my face? Lol. : P

Editors: As always, thanks to DevilsDarling, Usagi Asia Maxwell, Lady Artemis, and Autumn Hime for their contributions to this chapter. ^^

****

Chapter 6: Jealousy

Her blood turned to ice in her veins, and her fingertips felt numb as she shakily raised the cup of iced water to her mouth. She conveyed a voiceless _thank you_ to Makoto who was perceptibly making an effort to distract both their dates. Even so, Quatre ended up detecting the sweeping swing of moods. 

"Usagi, are you all right?" His eyes were darkened with concern, and she had to smile back. 

"I'm fine."

Minutes ticked by as Makoto chatted with and occupied the two men while she collected herself. More than once she felt the discreet blonde next to her's fretful gaze but decidedly ignored him and stared straight ahead. 

She knew for a fact that Hiiro and Minako were sitting at one of the booths along the wall to her right. It was also obvious that they were not in her line of vision. Craving to turn around to look, she admonished herself severely. Her mind was focused on two tasks -–ignoring the couple and barricading a wall against the wave of tears that pulsed on her chest.

_Hiiro, Minako, here, date, Quatre, love, happiness, misery_ swarmed around in her head, and she felt the barricade evaporating. Before she could make a moron of herself in public, she quickly stood up in one graceful movement and dropped her crumpled napkin onto the table, muttering a soft, "Excuse me," under her breath. Lady Luck granted her one favor – no tears stained her tone. Her white, heeled sandals tapped cheerfully on the immaculate marble floor, and she glared down at them, hair falling over her shoulder to cover her face.

………………….

He checked to make sure Minako was still glancing up and down the menu before sneaking several furtive looks towards his roommate's table half a room away. _Damn it! Who was her date?_ Sending a black look towards the ornamental pot of flowers atop a plaster pedestal blocking his vision, he didn't notice his own date's words until it was too late.

"Hiiro! Have you been listening to a word I've said?" she demanded, humorous blue eyes playfully flickering. His chest hurt at the sight – _they looked almost exactly like …_ He shook his head and expediently finished his sentence – _no one's._

Looking away, he grunted, "Of course I have."

"Then pray tell – what have I been talking about?"

His lips were drawn in a tight line, and his hands clutched at the table until his knuckles turned white. The person his eyes were pointed at got up, golden head bowed, and dropped her napkin onto the table, walking off towards the restrooms. He propped himself up and slid out from the booth, murmuring a distracted, "Excuse me."

…………………

She tapped her way to the back of the restaurant where Makoto had directed her. Somebody collided into her from behind, jolting her out of her frenzied thoughts. 

"Oh, I'm so sorry, sir!" she cried quickly, startled, and glanced up. Nothing could have prepared her for the pair of eyes she met. His name stuck at her throat.

"What're you doing here?" he challenged.

Tears forgotten, she glowered at him. "Thanks for the apology! And I'm here on a date."

He mentally rolled his eyes. "Well you're the undisputed queen of obvious. Who're you here with?"

"Well, DAD, excuse me if I cordially decline your poking into my private life!" She whirled around to go, but he caught her shoulder, turning her back to him.

"Who are you here with?" he repeated, the look one his face so dark that she inwardly cringed. 

"Will you leave me alone if I tell you?"

"No promises."

"Then no deal!" Again, she tried to escape, and again he held her back. 

"Please."

"How touching," she snarled sarcastically. "And with such sincerity."

A growl fought up through his throat, and he scowled at her. "I can go look."

"Look all you want!"

His eyes flickered uncertainly aside, and she caught the movement. Her heart warmed a few degrees at the hesitant look that escaped his shell of coldness, and she sighed resignedly.

"Look, I'm here with Quatre. Go back to Minako – she's infatuated with you. And I know I may be an infinitesimal speck to you, but I suggest you take my advice."

"Quatre," he growled, the moment of weakness gone and ignoring her last two sentences outright. "You just couldn't choose somebody I DIDN'T know?"

Annoyance flared up with alacrity. "Well EXCUSE ME for going on a blind date. Besides, even if I HAD known it was Quatre, you think I would have declined? Do you HONESTLY believe that I would personally consult you for all of my dates?! Good evening to you too, Mr. Yui," she finished coldly and at last succeeded in her attempt to get into the restroom, but the tempting taste of victory was short-lived and easily overwhelmed by the bitter flood of tears. 

…………………

Her quick exit left him breathless and his mind spiraling downwards. He leaned against the wall and brought both hands up to cover his eyes, fighting to draw in air. Quatre … the last person he would have expected to inflict pain upon him. Mentally sighing, he stood up and walked back towards the booth. He met the stares of all occupants of the restaurant, including his date and hers. 

"What're you all looking at?" he snapped and was relieved when senseless chatter resumed and eyes waltzed away. Only Quatre and Minako's gazes remained intense and shrewd, scanning his face guardedly. His blonde comrade looked away after a dark emotion, so unlike Quatre, passed over his eyes. Sliding back into his own booth, he ignored his date's stare and gulped at his water, wishing uncharacteristically that it contained alcohol.

"Didn't go too well, huh?" the blonde questioned lightly.

He grunted. 

His eyes didn't turn up as he heard her breathe in deeply. "Hiiro, tell me," she started slowly. "Is Usagi simply like a sister to you or … or something more?"

Her luminous cerulean eyes gazed earnestly up at him as she licked her lips and swallowed uneasily, her hands nervously making slight fluttering movements.

_Sister … or something more? _He closed his eyes frustratedly but snapped them open again when Minako sighed. "That's okay, Hiiro. You don't have to answer that." She got up and grabbed her purse. "I should probably-"

Seizing her wrist, he stared at her as she paused and turned around. "Sister." A small smile emerged on his date's face as a look of relief floated past the windows of her soul. She sat down, smiled tenderly, and leaned forward, gently pressing her lips against his.

_Keep saying that and maybe you'll start believing it, _his mind jeered as he stubbornly deepened the kiss.

…………………

After a good cry and some creative art with makeup, she came out looking almost perfectly fine, eyes just barely pink to indicate her recent tears. Her cloudy mind had cleared up and sliced past rage and bitterness. Abashedly, she had to admit she had gone too far this time. She hoped to expunge the previous damages by offering him her sincerest apologies as she walked, head high, towards his booth. 

Halfway there, she stopped sharply and forgot to breathe. The intimate kiss of the two faded beautifully into the soft lighting and inconspicuous twirling of gilded wallpaper. Turning on her heel, she strode back to her table.

"I'm terribly sorry, Quatre, everyone, but I have to go," Usagi stuttered out hastily, grabbing her purse and digging out a small wad of bills. 

"Usagi, are you sure you're all right?" Her dinner date laid a comforting hand on her forearm, and she had to gulp back tears. 

"I'm fine," she laughed lightly, but the giggle sounded more sarcastic than reassuring. 

"Could I meet with you again, perhaps?" 

She stared into his soft, apologetic blue eyes but looked away. _This wasn't his fault._ Nodding, she dug her planner out and tore off a sheet of notepaper, scrawling her phone number on it with a pen that Duo had offered solemnly. Her date folded it carefully and tucked it into his front pocket. 

"I'm terribly sorry for leaving like this," she apologized. "Please excuse my behavior throughout this entire dinner-"

Warm cobalt eyes beamed up at her. "No need to be so formal, Usagi," Duo smiled.

"I'll call you, Usa," Makoto called to her retreating form.

…………………

Out of the corner of her eye, Makoto saw Hiiro stand up to follow the departing blonde and excused herself from the table. Amusedly, she heard Duo sigh. 

"Women."

Quatre smiled. "Creatures of emotion."*

"Wish they'd tone it down a bit in our presence…" the braided man sighed.

She maneuvered herself over so that she easily bumped into Hiiro.

He muttered a lukewarm "excuse me" and was about to push past her before she held him back, thanking the years of martial arts she had taken through childhood and as a teenager.

"Hiiro Yui, right? Usa's roommate?" she didn't pause for an answer and instead pushed on, flashing a bright smile at his stunned expression. "I haven't seen you in YEARS! You know, Rei and I keep asking Usagi to bring you over, but she always refuses! You know what? I think I've seen you somewhere else too … are you a close acquaintance of Miss Peac-"

"Do I know you?" jutted rudely into her words, but she smiled. Usagi had made her escape, and her mission was accomplished. 

"I'm one of Usagi's friends, Makoto and if a single bit of your heart is still there, you would apologize to her as soon as possible."

He nodded vaguely and thrusted past her, only to see the frosted glass doors swing shut and a car glide out of the parking lot. Dark eyes turned to glare at her.

"You did that on purpose," he accused. 

"Give the genius a cookie," she muttered derisively, staring audaciously back at him and shrugging. "That is nothing, I tell you, NOTHING next to what you've put her through. Now, if you'll excuse me, MR. Yui, I believe I have a dinner date to attend to." She flounced past him.

He gaped after her.

…………………

The answering machine beeped incessantly after she entered the house. The date with Quatre had been three days ago, and she had just gotten back from Advanced Economics, tired as hell and wanting nothing more than to dent the wall with the beeping contraption.

She turned up the volume and pressed the play button before leaving the study and walking to the kitchen to make herself a sandwich. Her ears caught several hang-ups as she hummed to herself and grabbed some lettuce out of the vegetable compartment in the fridge. 

Sighing, she grabbed a bag of grapes out of there as well and stuffed them into the fruits' section. The drawer system was set up by Hiiro, a.k.a. the neat freak of their little trio, but she had no problems with it. However, this was the last time she was EVER letting Minako put the groceries away. Just yesterday she had searched for over thirty minutes to find the eggs in the pantry. 

"Monday, twelve thirty-five a.m.," the voice on the machine droned as she grabbed her cup of orange juice and headed back towards the study. Thankfully Hiiro had Computer Science something or other at this time and had almost just left for class. She had another two hours or so before he came back and by then she would be at her Theory of Knowledge course. Minako was off in the Newark area for some elite photo shoot and runway so the house was pretty much quiet again. Considering she was avoiding Hiiro like the plague, of course.

Quatre's voice drifted from the machine, and she blinked. "Miss Usagi, this is Quatre from Friday night. I hope you're all right and would like to say that I am very worried about you and disappointed that the date was cut short. I had a great time despite the, uh, difficulties and have just recently received two tickets to the Meyerson for a showing of Les Miserables from a friend who decided he couldn't go. So, um, please call me back if you're interested. Thanks." 

Her brow wrinkled as she sat back into the smooth leather seat and glanced over at Hiiro's laptop on screensaver mode. Her eyes traveled downwards to take in the mass of multi-colored post-it notes stuck on the barely visible desktop calendar. She peeked at his open planner and sadly noted "date with Mina – 7:30" scrawled in his hurried cursive. Her hand reached for the phone.

…………………

Hmmm … they say opposites attract but this is ridiculous! Even ~I~ find Usa a little odd for sticking around this long … :sigh: Thanks for reading and don't mind my rambling. Yours, Angel. ^_~

Notes:

*Creatures of emotion – courtesy of the Black Rose from Missing by a Mile and Love's Labors Lost. Go read her fics! So what if they are all Hiiro/Relena? The writing itself is AMAZING! *_*


	8. Decisions

Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing or Sailor Moon … I've gotten over it, have you? ^_~

Gracias to mis editors, Autumn Hime, Usagi Asia Maxwell, Lady Artemis, and DevilsDarling.

****

Chapter 7: Decisions

"So, Usa. How is Quatre?" Ami asked while munching on her sandwich at the small café they had stopped by for lunch. The two took Political Science together on Wednesdays and the lunch afterwards had become a tradition, each treating the other every other time. 

Sky blue eyes glanced up at her as the blonde pondered her own sandwich thoughtfully. "Fine." She pensively gazed out the window at the light drizzle.

"I'd think you trusted me enough to tell me the truth," Ami informed her impartially, tranquil blue eyes candid and sincere. 

"Would you rather have me tell you it's anything but fine?" the fair-headed girl snapped before stopping, eyes wide. "Sorry."

Ami shrugged. "It's fine. As for your question, no. I want an answer and a real one."

"Complete sentence?" Usagi allowed a small grin.

"Why not."

The odangoed girl blew a strand of hair out of her face and put down her sandwich decidedly. "It's like this: Quatre is fantastic. Nobody could ever say he isn't. And I know for a fact that I could be happy … it's just…"

"It would be nothing like your life with Hiiro," Ami finished, raising eyebrows at her.

Usagi laughed. "Who's telling the story here?"

Her brunette friend blushed. "You are. Please continue."

Muttering a sarcastic, "I feel like I'm talking to a shrink here," the blonde continued. "Yes, you're right. It would be nothing like with Hiiro. I feel … passion for Hiiro. With Quatre … I know that he'd be a great father, a great husband, and a great confidant but … no sparks will fly," she finished faintly, glancing back out the window and casting her eyes downwards to observe the ripples silvery drops of rain made on the mirror-like sheen of water. 

"I see." Ami shifted and sipped from her hot chocolate. "My advice … is to leave Hiiro."

Blue eyes flew up to meet hers. "What?"

"Leave him. It's evident this is going nowhere." At her friend's tears, Ami sighed and set the cup down, leaning forwards. "Usa, you've waited more than five years for him. In these five years, not only does he ignore you but also dates almost every other girl you know. He has a flavor of every other week for goodness sakes!"

Bowing her golden head, Usagi studied her entwined fingers. "But … but how could I give up on a dream that has enamored me for five years…?" she whispered.

"Look, Usa. You yourself said Quatre was wonderful. He'll make you happy. Is Hiiro doing that?"

"No," she admitted, crushed. 

"Exactly."

"Ami, I know Quatre will make me happy but … what will my life be like without Hiiro? I've already lived with him for over three years!"

Placid blue orbs blinked at her before turning outside to survey the drizzle as well. In a faraway voice, Ami wistfully replied, "I don't know what your life will be like … it's a roll of the dice. Quatre might be your true intended, and you'll be happy until old age or … you might hate yourself for the rest of your life for not giving Hiiro a chance."

Silence draped its icy fingers around the two as Usagi watched the cars glide by, and Ami listened to the muted chatter of those surrounding them. Finally, the brunette sipped her half-tepid cocoa again.

"Either way, Usa, my advice stands."

…………………

"Ami told me about your conversation this morning," Rei smiled softly at her as they trudged to Statistics, the perpetual fire in her eyes muted and dulled.

Usagi gave a groan and raised her hands up in the air as if pleading for patience. "Have I no privacy now?"

Rei's smile widened a millimeter. "Guess not. We're all going to give our input with or without your consent. Four heads are better than one!"

"Fine. What are the poll results?" she demanded, hand reaching up to finger the strap of her backpack and resting there. She rolled her eyes at Rei's innocently baffled look. "C'mon. We all know you guys hold some kind of vote whenever my PERSONAL life arrives at a fork in the road. Start speaking."

Relenting, Rei sighed. "Ami and Makoto are in favor of Quatre. I'm for Hiiro … Relena opts to remain neutral."

Usagi's eyes widened, and she pulled back her hood as they entered the university hall. "YOU'RE for Hiiro? I always thought you were the logical one, the ruthless one-"

"No need to list all my traits, you know," her violet-eyed friend sighed, groaning. "Usa, I know I'm not known for being exceptionally nice to those who hurt my friends-" She was interrupted with a rude snort. Usagi's mind traveled back to the many times when Rei had been the first to pounce on Hiiro's faults, threatening over and over to disembowel him. 

"AS I was saying … I know how you feel towards him. Otherwise he wouldn't be able to hurt you so badly. You know, Usa … my grandfather used to always remind me we only lived once … when he's not flirting with girls half his age, of course." Usagi smiled at this muttered comment.

"And he's right. We DO only live once. You have to make this life worth living! How can you settle for a second-rate life? How can you forget your love that you've held on to since HIGH SCHOOL just because of fear?"

Usagi sighed. "Nice speech, Rei."

Her raven-haired friend followed her change of topic, willing to accommodate her. "I'm thinking of going into oratory," she smiled saucily.

"And I'm thinking of taking up psychology."

"Usagi the psychoanalyst … it fits!"

"Shut up, Rei. Maybe you _should_ go into oratory. That might leave you with less words for US. You already wear our eardrums out…"

"Not a chance, Usa. Not a chance."

…………………

"I suppose you want to toss in your two cents too, Mako?" Usagi questioned resignedly as the brunette waved merrily at her from across the street. 

"You bet."

"This is a conspiracy against my privacy."

"Oh c'mon, Usa! You should be used to it by now!" Makoto grinned cheekily. "I'm sure Rei has already informed you of the current votes … Relena might be calling you this evening."

"Evening is too late."

"Eh?"

Usagi mock glared. "What, Makoto? You think Quatre and I are going to keep dating until we're fifty? We've already dated for over half a year. I think tonight's the night."

Her friend's mouth opened and closed wordlessly. "Are you serious, Usa?"

"How can I not be?"

"Well … it's all up to you tonight then. Ami already argued all our points, and Rei argued hers … it's a miracle I convinced them not to print out charts and diagrams. Those two," Makoto sighed and shook her head, gazing up forlornly at the continuous drizzle. 

"When did life become so hard?"

"When men were invented?" Makoto kidded lightly, giggling.

…………………

Hiiro glanced up from his laptop in the study and through the glass French doors at the Impressionist painting Usagi had chosen to cover the bare wall-paper-covered wall. From his distance away from the painting, it became an obvious piece of art illustrating two lovers, the girl delicately leaning her head upon the male's shoulder, eyes closed in gentle slumber. The soft, dulled brush strokes were meant to soothe but instead filled him with disquiet. He wanted to rip the painting off the wall and burn it. 

Shaking his head, he focused back on the glowing blue screen and typed away furiously. He didn't know what he was doing … the constant fact that she was with QUATRE ate at him day and night. He didn't know how to combat it. It wasn't a visible enemy. 

Closing his eyes, he leant back in the dark leather seat and grabbed his planner off of the table. _Date with Minako _was crossed out and transferred to the next day. Usagi had a date with Quatre today though. He had her whole schedule memorized, and he didn't know why he was wasting brain space for it. It seemed as if he didn't know anything these days … except his missions, the battles, the wounds, the bullets. Those were safe.

…………………

The doorbell rang, and his heart did an odd thing - it skipped a beat. He glanced at the glowing digits of his office clock and felt his heart do another odd thing - it sank. It was too early for Usagi to be back. But … Minako was off in Miami until tomorrow so … who the hell…? He grabbed the gun off of his shelf just in case it was Duo seeking shelter from Wufei. Honestly, those two argued enough to be married.

The last person he had expected to see met his eyes as he flung the door open, gun held behind his back. However, at the sight of this person, his arm itched to inch forward, aim the gun, and pull the trigger … of course he didn't. Jail wasn't a pleasant place to be. Not that he would get caught but…

"If you're looking for Usagi she won't be back for another hour or so," he informed coldly. Instead of seeing the expected silent apology in his blonde EX-friend's eyes, stoniness and determination reflected from his own. 

"We need to talk, Hiiro," the blonde articulated quietly.

"No we don't," he snapped and was about to swing the door shut before Quatre stuck his foot out. 

"Look Hiiro. We REALLY need to talk. I can't … I can't propose to Usagi without talking to you first."

His blood ran cold in his veins, but he didn't miss a beat. "I'm not her relative or anything. My consent is not something that is required," he sneered. 

Quatre frowned. "Please, Hiiro. I don't want to ask her on a bad conscience."

Cautiously sticking the gun in the back pocket of his jeans he looked aside and again caught sight of the painting. "Fine."

The softhearted blonde stepped in and glanced around uneasily.

"My other roommate is on a trip," he explained gruffly. Quatre's eyebrows raised at the cold words.

"Not girlfriend?"

"None of your business." The blonde sighed at this and glanced up at him.

"Hiiro … I'm in love with Usagi. I also realize that she has feelings for you-"

"She does not."

Quatre sighed. "Anybody short of being blind can see that she has-"

"Call me blind then."

Soft eyes pleaded for his understanding. "Hiiro, don't make this so difficult-"

"Cut the crap and get to the point," he commanded and almost blinked when Quatre's eyes hardened fiercely. 

"I'm just here to say that no matter what you say, I love Usagi. I love her and, unlike _somebody,_ I'm not afraid to show her that."

He winced as the barb bit into his flesh but held his fellow pilot's gaze. 

"I'm hoping for your approval, consent, but I'm not giving up even if I don't receive it." Quatre' eyes mellowed out once more, and the blonde shot him a weary, sidelong glance. "I don't want to be your enemy, Hiiro."

"It's too late," he grunted. "Are you done?"

"Hiiro, I-" He pushed the blonde towards the open door.

"Don't worry your pampered head. My emotions will never transfer to the battlefield."

Quatre hung his head in defeat. "I'm sorry this had to-"

Hiiro slammed the door in his face.

…………………

Usagi swung the door shut quietly and hung her coat up, sighing. Glancing left, she met the unwavering gaze of her male roommate and froze like a doe caught in headlights. He stood up and advanced upon her, and she shuddered at the cold look in his arctic eyes.

"H-Hiiro. I have a date with Quatre tonight so you can just cook enough for yourself," she smiled weakly as he continued to stare at her.

Seeing that his gaze was obviously making her uncomfortable, he looked aside and then glanced back. Her shoulders seemed more relaxed. "I don't want you to go to that date," he admitted finally, and she froze in the act of swinging her backpack off of her shoulder.

"I don't think you're the person to order me," she muttered softly, not looking up to meet his icy glare. 

"Is it true? Was Quatre right? DO you have feelings for me?" he choked out, half-whispering, not daring to walk any closer to the still girl. Her eyes flickered sideways, then down. 

"I-I did, Hiiro. Before," she whispered brokenly, dropping the backpack with a dull thud.

He ignored it. "And?"

Startlingly, her eyes flashed up to him, pleading. "Can't you make this easier on me, Hiiro?"

"Life's not easy."

"You're telling ME life's not easy?" she started incredulously. "You've ignored me for FIVE years and NOW you ask me whether or not I have feelings for you? NOW, Hiiro? Well, MR. Yui, I'm utterly and completely exhausted from waiting. Quatre is probably going to propose tonight and then … you can find another roommate," she ended softly and started to rush up the stairs before he grabbed her wrist, eyes searching her bowed face.

"Usagi. Look at me."

She looked up, catching his gaze, eyes still making slight flickering movements to show her fear. He winced. She was afraid of him?

His eyes pierced hers, searching and probing. Traitorously, her heart fluttered as her breathing sped up. _Three words, Hiiro. Three words and I'm yours forever…_

He sighed and let go of her. "Have fun, Usagi."

She felt like sobbing, screaming at him '_Wrong three words, Hiiro_.'

…………………

He was holed up in his room. He hated being cornered by his enemy. But oddly, this time, his enemy was the angelic, sincere-eyed Quatre. When had this happened? When he had been occupied with himself? With his own selfish needs … his own desires and goals.

He didn't want to be out there, watching her waiting, wistfully hopeful, for her prince to sweep her off her feet. 

**_I_** _should be that prince,_ _not **Quatre**_, he thought angrily. But no. Quatre _was_. The doorbell rang, and he froze.

He realized at that exact, painful moment that he loved her.

…………………

"Quatre! Hold on, let me just grab my purse and-"

"Would you mind if I came in?"

Usagi paused. "Oh of course not! C'mon in. Just sit down on the couch or something … we can have some hot cocoa before we leave, if you want-"

Quatre smiled and shushed her rapid words. "I'll just wait."

"That's fine too," she laughed lightly and scampered upstairs. When she came back down, she caught sight of her blonde date-soon-to-be-fiancé sitting at the table, observing the small, framed picture of Hiiro scowling, hair wet, and the Usagi from three years back, still bright, hopeful, curious, giggling, pail in hand. 

"Do I want to know what happened here?" he questioned laughingly. 

She smiled carelessly. "Oh I just dumped a bucket of icy water on him … took him three weeks to forgive me, but the Kodak moment was worth it." She smiled regretfully to herself, but it didn't go by unnoticed. 

Quatre stared at her, taking in her parted lips, slightly out of breath from running up and down the stairs, her wide, heavily-lashed pools of blue, and her gleaming golden hair, lustrous and softly framing her heart-shaped face. He knew he loved her. 

Lord, did he love her.

"Usagi…" he murmured as his eyes smiled at her nervous, slim hands, twisting the strap of the small purse. "You look … perfect. You ARE perfect." She blushed and looked down. Before she could utter another word, he knelt down and took something out of his pocket. Her heart sped up, and she swallowed nervously.

"Usagi. Will you make me the happiest man in the universe and marry me?" She stared into his light blue eyes, filled with sincerity and warmth. _I could be happy, _she reminded herself. _I WILL be happy … but…_ Rei's grandfather's words echoed in her head. 

__

We only have one life after all…

She smiled at him. "Quatre, I…"

…………………

Hmm … lovely, ain't it? ^_~ Thanks for reading. Yours, Angel. 


	9. Irrevocability

Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing or Sailor Moon. But I do own Gundam Wing AND Sailor Moon. ^_____^ :ducks: Okay, okay! Kidding, kidding. Sheesh. (have I used this one before?)

Thanks to my editors, Lady Artemis, Autumn Hime, Usagi Asia Maxwell, and DevilsDarling. They're probably all laughing at you guys because THEY never suffered a cliffhanger. Lol. (I emailed it all to them at once. ^____~)

****

Chapter 8: Irrevocability 

She smiled at him. "Quatre, I…"

"Just WHAT do you think you're doing?" Gasping and whirling around, she met the fiery eyes of a royally pissed off Hiiro. He stormed over to them, brows knitted with fury and face set in a hard mask of hatred. Quatre slowly stood up beside her and frowned warningly at his comrade's outburst, stepping in front of the stunned girl protectively.

Gathering her wits quickly, rage kindled tenaciously as her blue eyes sliced into his. "You have NO right to ask me that, Hiiro! This is _my_ apartment just as much as y-"

"You could at least take this outside!"

She mentally recoiled at the antagonism and anguish in his eyes before anger clutched at her heart again. "Who are you to make me feel guilty in my own home?"

"Hiiro, please leave," Quatre commanded softly, still standing between the two. 

Only then did the messy-haired man's flaming eyes turn to him. "Stay out of this," he warned quietly before turning back to his blonde roommate.

"You just ruined the most important day of my life!" she cried, trembling with resentment.

"You wanted me to stand by so that he could propose to you?" He pointed heatedly towards the silent man, black box still in hand as he advanced towards her. She faltered back, and Quatre took that opportunity to reinforce his position of protection. Again, Hiiro's eyes were forced to meet with his own unflustered ones. 

"Please, Hiiro. Back off. You're scaring-" he started beseechingly before the air left his lungs, and he found himself on the wrong end of Hiiro's 9mm semi-automatic.

The safety clicked off.

……………………

Minako smiled to herself as she sat back on the airplane. The shoot had finished early, and she was good to go. Trading her original tickets for an earlier flight, she was bound to surprise both Hiiro and Usagi. 

Her mouth twisted into a grin as she thought back to the most recent job. It was decent, something her agency based in NYC had set up for her. 

She thought further back, to the beginning of her career, when she had applied to three different local agencies and had failed to be hired. Now look at her – she was laughing her way to the bank.

Her mind did a quick double-back to Hiiro and Usagi. She sighed guiltily. Her sister must feel so disregarded right now, and it was all her fault. Some sister she ended up being – seeing her younger by four minutes twin after touring the States for more than half a year and then almost utterly ignoring her the past six months. Usagi would be pretty disgruntled when she got around to talking with her … and a disgruntled Usagi was not a pretty sight – she had found that out the hard way. 

Digging out a pen from her purse, she scrawled a short schedule upon her napkin. Get home, give Usa and Hii-chan their gifts, sleep, shoot at 10:30 the next day, meeting with personal trainer at 2:00 _… Hmmm … guess my sisters-only day with Usagi will have to wait … _she frowned.

The airline attendant politely took her tray away as the tired supermodel fell into a deep sleep. _Two more hours until I reach Boston…_

…………………

Usagi's jaw dropped, and her breath stuck at her throat as Quatre's eyes widened. He slowly raised his hands up in the air, careful to not make any sudden movements. The same distressed blue eyes he had used to meet Hiiro's earlier have smoothed over as he eyed the delicately forged firearm. 

"If you shoot him, I will never forgive you, Hiiro." Her blue eyes glittered seriously as she walked past Quatre who turned slowly and backed to the side to allow her room. The gun was still trained on him.

Hiiro's expression remained seamless as the pistol followed Quatre and his eyes moved to meet hers. "What is there to lose? You already never will forgive me," he stated quietly, cold eyes not stirring from hers though she was certain he was monitoring every move Quatre made.

Breathing through softly parted lips, she closed her eyes and sighed. "That isn't true, Hiiro. I have always forgiven you. I have _always_ followed the rule to forgive and forget. But this … this is homicide." Her eyes snapped open to catch his finger tightening around the enticingly beautiful weapon. She rushed forward and grabbed his wrist, forcing it upwards just as he pulled the trigger-

…………………

Traffic was bad even this late … what a downer. She sighed as the scenery inched by and ignored the taxi driver as he expelled several creative profanities to the driver ahead of him. _You would think this only occurred in New York … _she thought wryly, glad that the driver didn't resort to pounding at the horn like LAST time. An hour-long ride and she'd be back in Boston, spying on Harvard's campus from their apartment window.

She winced again as the driver ahead of them yelled several more expletives back. This was going to be a LONG ride home…

…………………

_Click._

She pulled back in confusion as Hiiro slowly released his arm from her grasp. He pulled the trigger again.

_Click._

"It's-"

"Empty," he finished, expression devoid of emotion. 

Her jaw dropped for the second time that evening. "Y-you knew? What was the point of this if-"

"There is no point. Like my life. Good night, Usagi, Winner. Love and treat her well or…" He aimed the gun and pulled the trigger.

_Click._

Quatre blinked as the polished pistol was tossed to Usagi. She fumbled and caught it. Hiiro's eyes never betrayed a single emotion as he turned and strode back to his room.

"Wow … what just happened here?" he heard the blonde woman beside him whisper as she leaned heavily against the couch.

He frowned to himself and gazed after his comrade, perusing the events that just took place in his head. Sighing, he turned to face her, eyes serious.

"Usagi … this isn't right."

"What isn't right?"

He glanced down at the box clutched tightly in his right hand and dropped it back into his pocket, wiping his sweaty palm against his pant-leg. "I shouldn't be proposing to you. I think we can agree that both of us deserve a shot at true love."

His eyes widened as Usagi bowed her head. "I-I mean you're wonderful, dazzlingly perfect, but I really don't-" he started again quickly.

"Thank you," she whispered as he stepped back in shock. Blinking once, a smile pulled over his face.

"Hiiro loves you, you know." He grinned sarcastically at her disbelieving look. "I know it's hard to believe but … you don't understand what type of a situation he is in right now. He has an odd way of showing his emotions." She snorted.

"What type of situation would cause him to threaten his friend like that?" she demanded softly.

Quatre winced. "I-uh, just know that he does love you. I can tell … though maybe even he doesn't realize it yet."

Silence enveloped them as Usagi traced the pattern of the tile with her eyes. Finally, she stood up from her leaning position and managed a smile for Quatre. "I'm really sorry, but I can't see it that way."

"Think about it, okay?" he pleaded as they walked towards the door.

The door opened, and he stepped outside, trying to find the sleeve hole behind his back as half of his coat draped over his shoulder. She didn't answer.

"Good night, Quatre."

…………………

Pace, turn, pace, pace, turn, pace, pace, pace, turn … Finally he stopped in his tracks and fell back onto the bed, bringing his hands up to massage his scalp. A headache brooded over his head like a storm cloud. 

Agitation filled him as his acute ears caught the soft murmuring outside before the door opened, and Quatre left. _What had they said? Did she accept? …of course she accepted. When was the wedding? Would he be invited, even? But most importantly…_

Why did he care?

…………………

She fingered a long strand of golden hair as it gleamed in the cozy living room light. The fan swirled lazily above her, but she didn't have the energy to go turn it off. In the other hand, the delicate pistol rested as she examined it carefully. A Glock 23 9mm semi-automatic. Compact. Fairly powerful and small enough to hide almost anywhere. Versatile would be the word that came to mind. Sighing, she pursed her lips and turned on the TV, muting it. The flashing images of the news moved in front of her unseeing eyes. 

Hiiro? Dry-firing a gun at Quatre? Was the gun MEANT to be unloaded? And if it was, what was this action supposed to mean?

A key twisted in the lock, and the door was thrown open. Usagi frowned. Wasn't Minako supposed to…

Her sister burst in, rosy-cheeked and starry-eyed, duffel bag carelessly swung over one shoulder.

"Hey, Usagi! Still up?" she greeted cheerfully before pausing at the item in the blonde's hand.

"What are you doing with Hiiro's gun … oh, no … you're not thinking of-" She rushed to the blonde and snatched it out of her hands. "It's not worth it!"

Usagi had to smile. "I'm not trying to commit suicide, Mina. Don't worry." She patted the seat beside her. "So tell me about your trip."

"I'm too giddy from that airplane coffee to sit down," the blonde giggled slightly and set the gun carefully on the coffee table, obviously relieved. "It was ordinary, run of the mill. We did a few shots, they picked one and I'm going to be advertising for them. Is Hiiro still up?"

Usagi shrugged. "Probably."

Minako's eyes brightened. "Oh! I got some souvenirs from Miami for both of you! You look tired … I'll just give Hiiro his, and you can get yours tomorrow morning, 'kay? You'll be more awake then!"

At her tired nod, Minako backed a few steps to allow her to walk to the stairs.

"Sleep well, little sis!" the red-bowed blonde grinned and flashed her a victory sign.

Usagi rolled her eyes. "You'll never stop rubbing those four minutes in, will you?"

"What use would they be if I don't?" Minako shot back innocently and smiled. "Good night, Usa."

"Good night, Mina."

She turned and climbed up, ears picking up the sound of a gentle knock before the downstairs bedroom door creaked open.

Had she made the right choice? The decision between safety and her dream? She really didn't know. 

And she wasn't sure she wanted to, either.

………………….

"Hii-chan! I missed you," she smiled as he looked up from a sheaf of papers. His dark eyes bore into hers before he swung his legs off of the bed. She frowned slightly as he looked away. Nevertheless, she walked over and pecked him on the cheek, her subtle perfume wafting over him. 

"I got some things for you while I was in Miami. You know, just souvenirs, things I thought would be perfect for you." She smiled and held up a puppet of Shamu. "See? It even talks!" The killer whale emitted several high-pitched squeaks

He stared at her, suddenly at a loss for words. His right eye began twitching at the ridiculous sight in front of him. She ignored him and tossed it to him before rummaging for more … "things that would be perfect for him".

"Minako. We need to talk."

If the use of her entire name didn't give her a heads up that something was wrong, the statement after it did. The phrase never meant anything good. And she almost knew for sure what she was about to hear.

"You don't have to tell me."

He frowned at her form, turned away from him. 

"This is it, right? We're over?" He mentally winced at her soft voice.

"Mina, I consider you a friend-"

She sighed, still turned away from him. "You don't need to soften the blow." Again, he winced at her choice of words. "It's fine, really. I should have seen it coming." She laughed embarassedly as if it were her fault for being dense.

"I'm sorry," he mustered. "You're … wonderful but just-"

"Not Usagi," she finished, laughing lightly. "It's funny how four minutes could make every difference."

She turned around, and he was surprised to her smiling despite the twin tears streaking down her cheeks. Her vibrant blue eyes that captured the hearts of many glowed a soft, peaceful happiness. "I'm happy for the two of you. You two belong together."

He almost sighed in relief. 

The souvenir in her hand was set on his bedside table before she slung the duffel bag over her shoulder again, backing out of the room. Before she left, she turned back, tears gone and a dry grin on her face.

"And Hiiro? Don't be the stubborn pig that I know you are. Tell her you love her as soon as possible, all right?"

He threw puppet Shamu at her.

…………………

Above their heads, hardly a few feet away, Usagi slumped on her bed. She wiped furiously at the tears that started streaming down her face, but her efforts proved useless. Finally, giving up, she leaned back and buried her head in her arms as she tried to drown out reality. 

…………………

Yes, I realize this whole thing makes Hiiro look horribly insane (many, MANY comments were flung at me about Hiiro needing to attend an anger treatment program), but I'm actually thinking that this portrayal was a whole lot closer to fact than what I've been portraying him as. The real Hiiro is supposed to be VERY suicidal and careless about his life. When we first "meet" him, he is seen, personally, as being VERY sinister, threatening Relena the instant they meet. Since this fic is still during the period of missions (did you realize that? I think a bunch of people forgot), prior to EW, I don't believe he has improved much. Besides – isn't love supposed to rid a person of all sanity? :D Hope this explains my reasoning! 

Thanks for reading. Yours, Angel. 


	10. Terror

Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing or Sailor Moon though I thought that was already established about a year back?

Thank yous to my beta-readers, DevilsDarling, Usagi Asia Maxwell, Autumn Hime, and Lady Artemis. I loved this chapter … after I wrote it and oddly enough, a majority agreed with me. Wow … we finally agreed on something. ^____~;;; 

****

Chapter 9: Terror

The lights were out in her room, but she wasn't anywhere close to the shores of sleep. The crevice beneath her door promised that the living room lamp was still on but that Minako had turned in as well. Sighing, she carefully rearranged the pillows into the shape of a sleeping form. Flinging covers over it, she smiled sarcastically to herself – as if Hiiro or Mina would check on her.

…………………

He raced up the stairs agilely and swept past Minako's darkened room. The lights were out in Usagi's. Only pausing one moment to debate whether or not to go in, he quietly opened the door. Go in won by a landslide. Her sleeping form on the bed caught his eye, and he switched the light on. She didn't budge.

Mentally rolling his eyes, he sighed. Trust Usagi to be a heavy sleeper. He strode over. "Usagi." She didn't move. Smirking, he flung the covers off.

His heart stopped.

The artful parade of shaped pillows met his eyes. Panic fought with logic to gain control of his reactions. Whirling around, he sprinted to Minako's door, pounding on it. Two groggy and mildly curious eyes met his.

"Y'know Hiiro, I'm a supermodel. I need my beau-"

"Where is Usagi?" he broke in impatiently, eyes piercing into hers. She gave a small gasp and jumped. 

"S-she's gone?" she stuttered.

He glared at her. "Would I be here if she weren't?" He didn't wait for an answer before turning and heading down the stairs.

"Hiiro! Put a coat on! She's probably just outside. You know how she loves stargazing!" she cried after him.

He turned back to face her for a brief second, throat dry. Slowly, eyes boring into hers, he replied, "No, I wouldn't know that." 

Blue eyes stared, stunned, after him as her jaw dropped delicately. "I…" Shaking her head, she grabbed her robe, shrugging it on. Rushing down not five seconds behind her ex, she paused a moment and grabbed Hiiro's jacket as well.

…………………

Quatre easily drove into his estate and over to the back of the mansion, turning the ignition off and tiredly getting out. It was freezing, but he didn't mind. All he could think about was the velvety black box in his pocket. 

Pensively, he strolled over to the private garden and paused at the decorative little stone bridge looking outwards to a small trickle of a fountain. He leaned against the cold stone and took the box back out. Gentle pallid gold and pure and intricate white flashed up. Staring at the hypnotic, muted sparkle, he gingerly took out the ring to the background of the soft splashing and rippling of the dark waters behind him.

"Quatre."

He jumped and hurriedly stuffed the box back into his pant pocket, looking around curiously. Trowa's tall, dark form greeted his relieved eyes and a faint green glimmered in the minimal lighting of a waning moon.

"T-trowa. Hey."

The quiet, thoughtful man walked up to him and joined him, leaning against the bridge, obviously unmindful to the numbing cold. Boston's weather this far into November wasn't particularly hospitable to simple long-sleeved shirts and khaki pants. Trowa didn't acknowledge the fact. 

"Didn't go too well, did it?" he asked bluntly. Quatre glanced up quickly and then away. 

"Hiiro dry-fired his gun at me," he offered quietly.

"I'll take that as a 'no, it didn't go well, Trowa,'" the tall pilot easily replied. Quatre let go of a short laugh.

The platinum head beside him bowed in concentration before Quatre arched his neck and looked up at the sky. A meteor flashed by.

"You know, we were going to view the shower tonight from an observatory," he mumbled softly. When Trowa didn't reply, he closed his eyes, face still upturned. In a barely audible whisper, easily drowned out by the quiet pitter-patter of the fountain, he murmured, "She was perfect. Utterly perfect."

Trowa shifted, and the blonde shot him a sidelong glance. "So?" 

"So what?"

"So why did you let her go?"

Quatre smiled. "How do you know I let her go?"

Trowa snorted and looked away. "She isn't the type to turn somebody like you down. You were the one who suggested it."

"Perceptive."

"As always. Don't change the subject." A jade eye flashed warningly at him. Quatre laughed and looked up again wistfully. Another meteor fell from the sky in a stream of molten rock.

"The look in her eyes. The look in Hiiro's eyes. There was passion and love beyond anything I could offer."

"I didn't know you to give up so easily."

The blonde took no offense. "One look at that love and I realized she and I had almost nothing in comparison." He breathed in deeply and exhaled. "I just hope our Perfect Soldier isn't so perfect that he'd let her go."

Before Trowa could interject another word, Quatre stood from his leaning position and sighed, flashing a small smile. "I'm going in. Don't stay out too long – it's cold." With that, his blonde head bobbed towards the warmly lit windows. 

Emerald eyes stared after him. Something flashed in his peripheral vision, and Trowa bent to pick it up. The purity of a diamond glimmered brightly in the dark. He found it difficult to breathe. Sadness welled up in his heart though he had no idea who he felt more concerned for – Quatre, Usagi or … Hiiro.

…………………

The cold air of the night hit him vengefully. It felt like a punch in the face. 

"Usagi! Usagi, where ar-" He stopped short, gasps of opaque air settling down to gentle puffs. 

Gold pooled around her on the wooden bench she had insisted he set up years ago. Her slight form was curled up in a ball with her legs pulled up to her chest, chin resting on one knee. Solemn eyes gazing up at the starry expanse of midnight turned to him, not a spark of surprise in them. He stomped up to her.

"What are you doing out here? Minako and I were worried sick! Y-" His fingers jabbed angrily at the house and then at her as he gesticulated.

She calmly interrupted him. _Too calmly,_ he decided. "Would you like to join me?"

Livid blue eyes sliced into hers before dimming slightly and, grudgingly, he sat down. The cold nipped playfully at his uncovered face and arms. 

"Quatre and I were going to watch the meteor shower tonight. Eight to eleven, you know," she explained soothingly, voice still as smooth as a mirror. He felt unease prick at him but ignored it. "After the, um, you know." Only then did she sound remotely flustered. 

He closed his eyes and leaned back, crossing his arms over his chest, face indiscernible. Was now the right time? He really didn't know…

…………………

Minako rushed to the door but happened to glance out the large window by it. Her eyes widened. _So there aren't any coincidences in life after all_, she mused as she stepped up to the window, not five feet behind the two people outside. Had she gone outside and flung the door open, the prospective romantic moment would have undoubtedly been nipped in the bud.

__

They're … perfect. She sighed happily and hung Hiiro's coat back up. He would be cold, no doubt, but he'll get over it. 

Before leaving the window, twin-streaking meteors flashed by, and she paused, stunned for a moment. Grinning, she closed the blinds. _A good omen…_

…………………

"Hiiro, I have something to tell you."

"Hn," he grunted, not opening his eyes.

"Ever … ever since St. Gabriel's and meeting you quite by accident, I have considered myself your friend…"

"Hn."

She didn't seem to mind his minimal answers. "No, more than that, I guess. I, uh, agreed to this, um, rooming deal with, um, " she paused to laugh. Her voice was chopped with uneasy silences. "…only one belief in mind."

He didn't know what to say to that. She didn't allow him any time either.

"I-uh-"

The thoughts in his minds battled to an end. 

"Will you marry me, Usagi?" The black box he had been fingering was drawn out, and he handed it unceremoniously to her. She stared at him, her clear blue eyes wide and uncertain, afraid and cringing. Prying it open, innocent white contrasted with luxurious gold. His calculating eyes saw her visibly gulp.

She breathed in deeply and held the breath for a few trembling seconds before breathing out shakily, tears evident in her quivering lower lip. Closing her eyes, she snapped the box back shut. "No, Hiiro," rang out clearly in the sharp night air.

…………………

Quatre entered through the back door and smiled at the remaining two of his comrades lounging on the couch watching reruns of I Love Lucy. He barely looked up at the returning greetings before turning down the hall and trudging to his room. The door clicked shut.

Wufei glanced up from his weapons catalog and raised an eyebrow at the braided man beside him. "What's up with him?"

Duo craned his neck to peer after the blonde and shrugged, frowning worriedly. "I dunno…"

"Wasn't he proposing to that blonde tonight?"

"Hiiro's roommate?"

"Usagi."

Duo's eyes brightened. "Yeah! I think he was!" They dimmed again. "What do you think happened?"

"Keep your nose out of others' business," Wufei muttered, looking back down.

Duo rolled his eyes. "It's called _concern_, Wu-man. Look it up sometime … and for a second I actually thought we were holding a decent conversation." He sighed and looked back towards the flickering black and white program on the flat-screen TV.

…………………

"Usagi-"

"No," she repeated and handed the box back to him, silent once again.

He frowned at her profile. "Why?"

Her eyes turned downwards, and she softly replied, "If you can honestly tell me that you love me, I'll … I'll consider it."

"Wh-"

"Hiiro, please." Sincere blue eyes stared into his. Her face remained expressionless though her eyes betrayed a dizzyingly wide array of emotions, so tangled that he didn't know what to make of them.

"I, uh," he stuttered. Trying again, he managed a weak, "I-I…"

A dry smile twisted her face, and she looked away. No tears stained her voice though the words were wistful, "You see, Hiiro, that's the problem. I need love in my life." He didn't answer but sat up when she stood. Walking a few paces away, she turned back. Her lips twitched up in a small smile, half-hearted and nothing compared to her usual one.

"And, uh," she started quietly, "I'll be moving out tomorrow. You can find another roommate … I'll send a check over for this month's rent." She flashed him a tight-lipped smile and walked towards the door. He gaped after her.

Opening the door, her form basked in fiery light, she turned back. "And Hiiro? Don't stay out too long. You'll catch pneumonia."

…………………

Wufei barely glanced up as Trowa entered the room. 

"Hiiro's in love with Usagi."

He finally looked up, but Duo beat him to the incredulous reply. "Excuse me?"

"You heard me."

Wufei stared at the tall brunette before finally grunting, "Yui in love … Nice one, Barton."

"It wasn't a joke."

Duo let go of a low whistle and sat back. "You don't see a man for a month and what does he do? Goes and falls in love." He shook his head disapprovingly. Trowa ignored him.

"Quatre proposed."

"That's a definite snag," the onyx-eyed Chinese commented needlessly.

Trowa shrugged and turned to leave. "Just wanted to keep you up to date."

Duo gaped after him. "Hiiro … in love? The world is coming to an end." Wufei didn't choose to comment, embarrassed that he was thinking along the same lines as the braided moron.

From the forgotten show, Ricky started ranting in Cuban. 

…………………

__

What had just happened? No, he knew what had happened. He had screwed up. Again. Sighing he bent down and cradled his head in his hands, frustration throbbing in his mind. Why couldn't he say those three simple words? Three simple words…

"I love you," he whispered softly into the darkness, head still bowed. Twin meteors streaked by overhead.

…………………

The proposal and refusal because of the inability to say "I love you" is derived from the Black Rose's Missing By a Mile. 

I think I'm like utterly cruel and insensitive or something … the only time I felt bad for any of the characters in any fic: the lily scene at the end of like chapter four or something. -__-;;;

Pyro-Girl: I'm writing, I'm writing. :D Thanks for the compliments.

Key: ~blushes~ Erm … really? Wow … thanks! ^____^

Cristina: Really? I was afraid I had gone too far … it seemed like the opposite end of the spectrum from how I usually portrayed him and how he's usually portrayed in SM/GW so I wasn't too sure how people would react. But I'm glad you liked it! ^^ As for Quatre and Mina … err … know that they DO move on … but I needed them for something else so … they couldn't ~quite~ move on. I hate me too. -__-;;;

Brenda-chan: It's updated, it's updated! ^^

Heart Soul: Yeah, I'm horrible about it. They're near the end of college and it's still "the war". Lol. I really should plan these things out better. You anticipated it? Wow. You must be ultra-perceptive or something. ^___~

SilverGundamu BladeWingu Neo: Yeah. As in during the war. I'm afraid I can't really elaborate much … I still need to watch a majority of GW. ~blushes~ Actually, I had never realized how weird/affected Hiiro really was until I read the summaries for the episodes. I mean … he ~laughed~ maniacally for goodness sakes! And he' s suicidal to the point of … ridicule, I guess. As for an earlier question about author-author relationships … I'm not sure how exactly they develop. Some are connected outside of the fanfiction world and some … just get around to talking, I guess. My motley of beta-readers simply resulted from my brashly sending out emails pleading for an editor when I had first started … And I think everybody knows Usagi Asia Maxwell because she's so friendly. ^___~ I'm glad you don't hate Relena that much anymore. My mission is complete. ^___~

Jade Stellar: Really? I'm glad you think so. Though I chose that reaction simply because it required the least explaining and further chapters/developments/complications. Lol. ^^

Lilaclight: I've personally always loved the more volatile Hiiro … he's just a little too normal when he's not "himself" … but I suppose love could change anybody. ^^

Lady Espelle: Thanks! And here's the update. ^^

Obsessed: Define "coming to an end". Lol. I haven't touched it for awhile so I'm kind of out of it. I feel like it's coming to an end because I'm technically already done but … when you consider that there's still four or so chapters left, it's mathematically only about 60% of the way through. And chances are I will just leave it as it is … unless some amazing, utterly fantastic, cannot ignore idea comes up and I just ~have~ to write it in. But even then, I'd probably just start another fic or something … the ending already pieced itself together, and I'm pretty hesitant about cutting it up again. Too lazy. Lol. ^^

Celestial DreamBlaze: I don't think I emphasized the heart-broken level that much last chapter … but there's a slightly different take in this one. Minako … is probably not very heart-broken. I actually have not written in a scene with their meeting … because they have to add a slight "what-if" feeling later but … I dunno. Maybe if I'm in the mood, I'll add a line/scene here or there. Again, too lazy. Lol. -___-;;;

Crazygurl70: ~watches amusedly as Crazygurl topples over~ ^^

Alexz: Thank you, thank you, thank you! ^^

Ryouga Saiyuki: O_o Are you telepathic or something? It's kind of scary. Because I had exactly five chapters (including epilogue) when you said that … it's weird. ~shudders~ ^^

Jemjols: My writing is being compared to an anime? I'm flattered. I suppose not loving the insane Hiiro is not loving the real Hiiro, right? Lol. ^^

Cheska: I've always had a soft spot for the insane Hiiro … and it takes too much effort to pull off a sappy Hiiro … so you really don't see too many amazingly realistic sappy Hiiros running around … it worked out in the end. Here's more! ^^

Serena Yuy: I think we can all attest to the fact that Hiiro is stubborn. Lol. I never really intended for either Quatre or Mina to be hated but … I suppose it's better if they were at first and then loved later … it makes for a more topsy-turvy ride. I'm not sure Quatre and Mina will get together – haven't written it in yet but … might happen in the near future. ^^

Thanks to everybody for his or her continuous support! Yours, Angel.

Email: angelight97@yahoo.com


	11. Dreams

Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing or Sailor Moon. Now can anybody explain why?

Thanks again go to my beta-readers, Lady Artemis, DevilsDarling, Autumn Hime, and Usagi Asia Maxwell, for editing and re-editing … it still turned out pretty pathetically though. 

Warnings: A lot of repetition, internal monologue, conversation to take up space, and just bad writing in general. Favorite part: the ending. ^__~ Seems as if this chapter was just a general pity chapter that lamented too much about too little. -____-;;; Now do you feel like reading? Lol. 

Even so, I hope you enjoy!

****

Chapter 10: Dreams

**__**

Tonight, just saying goodbye makes me feel,

Like we'll be apart forever.

Fur Elise beeped into her ear as one eye peeked groggily open at the glowing digits of her alarm clock. 3:45. _What the heck is going on?_ flashed briefly through her mind before tired lids dipped over dreamy cerulean again. The song started repeating itself. A thought nudged her in the back of her mind – _what if Hiiro heard?_

Eyes flashed open and tiredly getting up, propping herself on her elbow, she pressed the _talk_ button and brought the phone to her ear.

"Hello?" she asked sleepily, suppressing a yawn and leaning back.

"Usagi?" answered her greeting. "This is Relena."

**__**

Moonlight, casts a shadow in my eyes.

Please, promise me to come back again.

She yawned again. "Do you have a clock near you, Relena?"

"Uh, yeah. Why do you ask?"

"Would you care to guess what time it is on _this _side of the world?"

A nervous giggle answered her, and she smiled, satisfied. "Uhh … ten at night?"

"Guess again."

A sigh reached her ears. "Look, I'm sorry for waking you up, but we need to talk."

**__**

I don't want to be alone, 

Cause I already know,

"Relena, if you're really sorry about waking me up, you would call back at a more _sane_ hour," she asserted grumpily.

"Usagi," the voice on the line uttered warningly.

"What?"

"What happened?"

**__**

How much I'd been in love with you.

It's no lie.

"What do you mean what happened?"

"Don't play dumb with me. What happened with Hiiro and Quatre? Who did you choose?"

She sighed and shifted her weight on the bed. "I didn't choose anybody. They chose for me."

"They?"

"Hiiro and Quatre."

**__**

Please tell me why,

Can't I live without you.

She could almost see the former Queen of the Earth Sphere blinking bemusedly. "I'm sorry if I seem horribly inane but … _huh_?!"

Giggling slightly, she leant back and closed her eyes, smiling. "Quatre decided that we weren't really right for each other, and Hiiro … let's just say Hiiro _might_ have had some say in that."

"Stop speaking in riddles!"

"Hiiro dry-fired his gun at Quatre."

"Oh my…"

"I don't even know whether or not he knew the gun was empty…"

Relena frowned. "Hiiro would never purposely kill an innocent, especially not one of his friends!"

Usagi shrugged. "That's what his criminal record says too, but who knows? People are prone to change."

"Criminal record?"

Her eyes narrowed suspiciously. "Hiiro _hasn't_ killed anybody before, right?"

"I-I guess. Yeah." Cornflower blue eyes closed as she mentally berated herself. She had almost told the only person in Hiiro's life who didn't know about his career that her roommate was actually a notorious killer.

**__**

I don't know how,

To get over misery.

Her brows knitted at the feeble answer, but she shrugged it off. "So here I am. I'm moving out tomorrow."

"What?!"

"I can't stay here anymore. How did you survive him, Relena?"

Relena remained silent. _Because I knew **why** he's like that…_ Finally, she sighed. "Okay, fine. Get some more rest before your move tomorrow, all right?"

"You don't have to tell me twice," Usagi giggled. "See you in … a week?"

"Two. This treaty with Italy is taking longer than I had imagined. Goodnight, Usagi."

"Later." 

**__**

Now I'm lost,

In the sea of your love,

Just like a mermaid.

She paused in her movements to settle back down to four more hours of sleep and groaned out loud. She was wide-awake. Relena was _so_ going to hear some complaints from this side of the Atlantic Ocean on her voice mail.

Getting up off of the bed, she moved towards the French doors of her closet before flinging them open and tugging out a duffel bag and suitcase. She sighed. _This had all better fit…_

Her slender hands grabbed a sweater off of its hanger and automatically began folding it. Tossing it into the duffel bag, she grabbed another article of clothing … then another. This was all safe, all mechanical. Not one thought of Hiiro as long as she continued packing… 

Dawn brushed the sky with her rosy fingertips as golden rays reached meekly up into cerulean.

**__**

I know, there is someone on your mind,

But I know too, it's not me.

He sighed to himself before slamming his pen down and shuffling pieces of paper together. Advanced Calculus was in twenty minutes and twenty of those were needed to get to the damn campus. Grabbing the binder labeled Calc off of the shelf, he started out the door before stopping. The smiling face of Usagi teasing him, snapped right after a practical joke by Duo, wanting a memoir, looked out at him through the silver picture frame. He faltered.

Shaking his head, he walked back towards his desk, slammed the picture down so that only silver flashed upwards and jogged to his car. 

He was going to be late.

**__**

I always loose my way,

Whenever you go away.

"Crap!" she cried out loud to herself. All her reports and previous essay tests were downstairs, in the study, where Hiiro would be. As if pitying her dismay, the sound of the front door slamming shut almost instantly met her ears. Mouthing a silent, "Thank you!" upwards, she scampered downstairs and walked into the study, instantly feeling uneasy due to the closed blinds and glowing laptop.

Glowing laptop? Never once in all her years of living with Hiiro had he left his laptop on. She frowned and stepped around the table, glancing at the blue-silver screen. Her mind went blank, and it suddenly became difficult to breathe.

**__**

Find the key to the mystery of love.

It's in vain.

Tears sprung to her eyes as she shakily placed a hand over her noiselessly moving mouth. "Oh my God, oh my God…" 

She grabbed the wireless phone beside the computer and recalled that Duo was on speed dial. Luck was obviously with her – her fingers were too icy and shaky to punch out the numbers accurately -- though she was too preoccupied with not screaming at herself to notice the small blessing. 

"Duo!" she cried after the initial, "Yo," from the other side. "Tell me, Duo … and don't you dare lie. Is Hiiro … a … a Gundam pilot?"

Silence greeted her question, and she squeezed her eyes shut, letting go of a shuddering breath. "Oh my God," her mouth whispered quietly. She failed to stop the half-choked sob that followed.

**__**

Please tell my why,

Can't I live without you.

"Usagi! Let me explain! It would have been dangerous if he had told you! It-"

"So he decided to lie to me?" she accused acerbically, glaring at the blueprint on the computer with hatred. 

"Look-"

"Duo. Answer my question."

**__**

I don't know how,

To get over this pain.

"Yes, Hiiro is a Gundam pilot. But we all decided to not tell you! Even Relen-" Duo slammed his free hand over his mouth and cringed. 

"Relena _knows_?!" exploded in his ear. "Well tell me this – does Minako know too? Does _everybody_ know except myself?! Does _everybody_ surrounding me know that I'm living with a _murderer_?!"

"No! No, you don't understand! Relena knows because she had came upon Hiiro after his Gundam crashed into the Pacific Ocean-"

"_So the rumors were true_?"

**__**

Now I'm lost,

In the sea of your love,

Just like a mermaid.

"Y-yeah. Usagi, don't take this out on him, all right? It's not his fault!"

A frown marred her features sarcastically. "Oh, not his fault, huh? Well tell me this, Duo. Was threatening Quatre with a 9mm semi-automatic not his fault either?" she spat out angrily and slammed the laptop shut.

"Usagi! Listen to me! _Calm d_-" He jerked back as the empty dial tone met his ear. Instinctively, he dialed her back. The rings faded into silence, and he dejectedly put the phone back in its cradle, shaking his head and leaning back in his chair. He was going to be in _deep_ trouble once Hiiro found out about this…

**__**

Please believe in what you see,

Give a precious kiss to me.

Angrily, she stuffed her socks into the duffel bag as tears coursed down her cheeks and her eyes flashed short, heated sparks. _He lied to me … he lied to me about **everything**. The business meetings … maybe even the dates with Relena!_

Finally, she had to stop and grab a Kleenex. Sighing, she closed her eyes and breathed in deeply. Opening them again, an utterly clean room met her eyes. 

She had told Hiiro she would be gone by five, but it couldn't continue on like this. Who knows what else he lied about? Was Minako merely a tool to him, too? Was _she_ merely a tool to him? Somebody to protect his identity? After all, who would think a Gundam pilot had been rooming with a klutzy, college-bound civilian for the last three years?

**__**

We'll find a perfect world.

Maybe someday.

The professor's words droned on around him as the two students beside him scribbled away furiously. He glared apathetically up at the front and closed his eyes for a few shuddering moments. Decisively, he grabbed his bag and headed out, not bothering to murmur an "_excuse me"_ to the people he had to get past. 

He needed to come to terms with himself. He needed to forgive himself, to accept the pathetic reasons and excuses his mind was flinging at him – she didn't know his past, she didn't know his life! She didn't understand what it was like to fight for one's life as well as millions of other people's everyday! She didn't realize how _utterly blessed _she was to be spared the heartbreak of battle that instead fell on five _other_ shoulders.

As Quatre once said, "I fight so that other people might never have to." She didn't understand _anything _about him. But he wouldn't be able to live with himself without beating back the guilt chewing at his heart.

**__**

Please do not go.

There is no one else but you.

The front door swung open violently, and he stormed in. The house remained deathly silent. Ticks of the clock reached his ears, and he froze. The phone started ringing insistently.

"Yui here," he snarled, mentally wondering where she was. _It's only one in the afternoon … she was leaving at five … right?_

"Hiiro! I'm so sorry! She called me about the OZ base plans and-"

"Who's she?"

"Usagi!"

His blood turned to ice in his veins, and he slowly breathed out, the air utterly inaudible. "What?" 

Duo cringed at the calmly threatening tone.

**__**

I don't know how,

To get over such pain.

"Usagi! She saw the base plans on your _damn_ laptop and called me up! I couldn't stop her! She hates you no-"

"Shut up Duo. Where is she now?"

"Wherever she was going to move to, I guess," Duo gasped out, panting from his string of excuses. 

"And where is that?"

He blinked. "You don't know, Hiiro?"

"No. Where?"

"Don't ask me, you moron!"

"_Excuse_ me?" growled into his ear, and the braided boy rolled his eyes.

"She was right, Hiiro, you _are_ a damned idiot. You don't even know where she's moving! How the hell did you two survive rooming together for so long?"

"I don't need to hear this."

"Just because it's absolutely true? What, is it bruising your ego, Hiiro?" he taunted. "Just let her go, buddy. You never deserved her, and I'm an idiot to have just realized that," he sighed disgustedly and slammed the phone down.

**__**

Now I know,

I'll see you, once again.

All Hiiro could do was blink at the wireless phone in his hand, the dial tone ringing in his ears, combating the deafening silence.

****

If only in my dreams.

What'd I say? The ending was the one redeeming moment in this entire chapter! The rest of it … was just so … dull. But … ARG. :sigh: 

DaughterofDeath: Short and to the point, eh? Lol. Here's the chapter! 

Obsessed: Thanks. I'm glad that people won't mind … hehe. Or at least one person. ^__~

Viette Adele: Thank you so so so much! And here's the chapter. ^^

Serena Yuy: Lol … lovely review! ^^ What, you expected me to let Usagi be a total pushover and damsel in distress? Our little bunny needs to toughen up! And she is most definitely NOT going to be running back to ANY guy just at his whim! ^^;;; I'm not sure there are any more twists to be prepared for though … aww darn it. :sigh: ^___~

Crazygurl70: Your review cracked me up. ^^ ":wobbles: … I need to sit down" Lol. ^^

Celestial DreamBlaze: Gosh … isn't all love heart-wrenching, soul-shattering, and heaven-inducing? Lol. ^___~ Well … Usagi does have a slight streak of naiveté and added to the fact that she had NO idea Hiiro was in the war and had always been taught "fighting is bad. Killers are evil", it would truly be a miracle HAD she seen how difficult it was for Hiiro. ^____~ Though you raise some interesting points. I feel sorry for Hiiro now…

Key: Your welcome! Though "great" is a little exaggerating it, no? Poor Hiiro-chan indeed. Don't feel very sorry for him … but that's my problem. ^___~

Exyberrysilver: Thanks for the review! ^^

Brenda-chan: Lol … I just threw that out there to see if it would affect/confuse some people. ^^;;; The reader's not sure what will happen next? Sheesh … other than a few twists I thought it would be pretty obvious … didn't I promise a happy ending on this one? No? Erm … well…let's keep the arrows there then. ^__~

Heart Soul: Naïve little girl? Erm … ooookay. ^___^;;; I actually agree with you – it was more sweet than angsty. But I have a weird sense of what's sweet and what's not. And, what? Now I'm sadistic too? Lol. ^___^

Alexz: HA! My writing has enough effect on people to make them depressed! Or … are you depressed because you hadn't realized the world had writers this bad? Ah … I see. ^____~

Hot_chick_1231: Thank you, thank you, thank you! :D

Pryo-Girl: Lol … I never realized that! Aww! The tradition MUST live on! She HAS to keep sitting up and waiting for him … erm … maybe not. Maybe … by a hidden camera? Lol. ^^ Though I'm not sure Hiiro is in the mood for any more dates for a while, eh? ^___~

Jade Stellar: Drive you insane? Okay … my writing makes people depressed and drives them insane. That works. ^__~

Cheska: Perfect in-character? Err … can you imagine Hiiro proposing? I can barely. -___-;;; I'm glad it caught you off guard! Mwahaha! ^^

Tenshi-Chikyuu: It sounded like you were arguing with yourself. Lol. Thank you! (for the review, not for arguing with yourself) ^^

Lady Espelle: She turned him down because I decided, on a whim, that our bunny was not going to be some pathetic damsel in distress and hug her prince the instant he glances her way. He made her wait FIVE years (I think … maybe it was six … I'm pathetic. -____-). It's only fair if she makes him wait at LEAST one month! Lol. Our Usagi is all grown up … and growing a backbone now! ^^;;; And don't question the ring. I don't know how to explain it … let's just say that somehow, he had always know he loved her and had gotten the ring for … erm … maybe Minako and TRULY realized he loved somebody else that night. I might write something about that later. 

Bloom of Tears: Hmm … I don't think it's going to make you cry if you haven't cried yet. It goes uphill from here … kinda. Like what? Frustrated? Add that to the list too. :sigh: Can I NOT make somebody HAPPY? Lol…don't answer that. ^___~

Tyrion77: That's more along what I'm thinking than "aww … poor Hiiro…" Lol. Here's the update!

An-Dawg17: That was wrong? Lol … I agree. Three words, eh? Isn't it funny that it's so easy to say "I hate you" and really difficult to say "I love you" and truly mean it? Just a thought…^^;;;

These replies are taking a lot of space…I mean, it doesn't really annoy me … but is it annoying any of you? I just recently decided to be courteous and respond to all reviews because, well, … I like authors who respond to mine but … I dunno. Never cared much for other people's responses. Lol. But does it go as far as being :annoying:? If so, I'll think of another way to respond.

Email: angelight97@yahoo.com 


	12. Reluctance

Disclaimer: Owning is such a strong word … we should all share our stuff! C'mon Naoko! Bandai! SHARE! Heh … I don't own Gundam Wing or Sailor Moon. 

Thanks to my beta-readers, this chapter turned out all right. AND they managed to put up with my insane tides of writing … give them a round of applause! :D

****

Chapter 11: Reluctance

Her papers crinkled as Usagi shifted and changed positions, stretching her arms outwards and sighing. She glanced up abruptly as the door swung open and Rei tottered in with an armload of groceries. The laptop on the coffee table hummed in the background as she grinned at her friend and roommate before uncrossing her legs and stretching them out. 

"Need help?"

The dark-haired girl snorted. "Only you would ask as stupid a question as that."

"Just for that, you can carry and put the groceries away yourself!" she shot back easily and turned to translating and typing up her notes from shorthand.

"Usagi!" Rei cried exasperatedly. "I let you live with me for the last half year and what do you do? You eat my food and don't even help to put it away!" The groceries were set down none too gently as Rei put her hands on her hips and glared.

Usagi shrugged carelessly and grinned languidly, leaning back onto the slightly worn but still adequate couch placed in front of the coffee table. "I pay my share of the rent too, you know. And it's not entirely YOUR food."

Her matter-of-fact tone irritated Rei more than if the blonde had lapsed back into her habit of wailing out complaints. "Ugh," Rei rolled her eyes and turned on her heel, back towards the kitchen. "I don't know how I put up with you."

"Because you love me?" she called after the raven-haired girl's disappearing form only to get a sarcastic, "You wish!" in return.

…………………

Her cell phone shrilled out a melody, and she tiredly blinked up from her exam review, eyes, for a moment, unfocused. Frowning to herself, Usagi had to throw three pillows off of the sofa before finding the elusive contraption and flipping it open. 

"Usagi here," she greeted and turned back to the laptop in front of her, sipping from the paper cup of water. A headache pounded in the back of her head, reminding her that it was one o'clock in the morning. The butterflies in her stomach promised her that she had her work cut out for her.

"Usagi! This is Mako."

"Mako? Shouldn't you be sleeping right now? Or studying?" 

"One phone call, come on! You're turning into Ami-"

"I'll be sure to tell her that." She cleared her throat and tapped out another sentence with one hand. "Besides, now is the worst time for a social call."

Makoto sighed. "Are you free after exams?"

"Huh? Why?"

"Are you?" she persisted.

An odd sinking feeling attacked her. What was Mako getting at…? She answered the question cautiously. "Yeah…"

Makoto grinned. The bait had been taken. "I met this guy I REALLY want you to meet and-"

"NO, Mako. Absolutely not. I've given up on dating."

"You're going to be an old maid when you grow up!"

"Maybe. But absolutely NO dating right now." She watched amusedly as Rei peeked out of her bedroom and flinched before ducking back in, obviously not wanting to get entangled with a defensive Usagi. 

The laugh that answered her in the phone sounded fake and forced. "Silly! I'm not saying right NOW, I'm saying after exams-"

"You know what I mean," Usagi sighed and leaned back to shift through the notes piled around her. Ahh … her barricade of paper.

"Oh come on! Please? It'll be a relief from exams! You'll loosen up and have fun – nothing serious." Makoto sounded as if she were whining.

The blonde sighed again and glared bleakly at her laptop. International Economics was undoubtedly the MOST boring of all boring subjects. "Maybe … if you go too."

The answer came a bit too quickly for her liking. "I can't. I'll be there before, but I have somewhere else to go."

"Where?" she asked suspiciously.

"Uh … Duo wants to take me to the opera and…"

Usagi's eyes narrowed. "I never knew Duo was into opera…"

"Just go, okay?"

"Fine. But don't expect anything serious to develop," she warned, frustratedly crumbling a page of notes in her hand.

Makoto rolled her eyes. "I've already gotten that lesson hammered into my head, Usa. I'll set up a date with him, okay?"

"Fine, fine, fine," she replied tiredly and began to impatiently unfold the crumbled sheet of paper, berating her short temper.

…………………

The still chilly April air greeted her as she stepped out of the apartment and locked the door behind her, jacket hung loosely on her shoulders. Rushing down the stairs, she cursed herself for falling asleep – she was ten minutes behind schedule. But that could easily be remedied with a little bit of rushing. 

The car door slammed shut, and she turned the ignition on, rubbing her hands together for slight warmth before the blissful heat drifting from the car vent reached her face. She backed out of the space and headed out of the apartment complex, hurriedly dialing Makoto's number with one hand.

"Hello?" greeted her as she sped past a yellow light. 

"Mako, Usagi here. Where is it?" One hand twisted the steering wheel to the right as she turned and slowed slightly, glaring at the car that sped past her and then swerved onto her lane again.

"Oh! Okay, turn right on Belt Line and go straight until you reach Independence. Then make two rights at the first and then third stop light. You'll see this elegant little place called Las Flores and reservations are under my name."

"Okay … I think I've been there – bunches of flowers, dance floor?" the blonde questioned distractedly. 

"Yeah, that's the place. Be there at 7:30, all right?" Makoto's voice sounded muffled.

"Got it. See you there."

"Sure." The call terminated abruptly.

…………………

She barely glanced at the car clock, knowing for sure she was on time but just barely, before whirling out of the car and walking swiftly towards the restaurant, eyeing with slight disdain, the cozy atmosphere of the small building. _First date and already THIS?_ She sighed and shook her head. _What does Makoto have up her sleeve this time…?_

"Reservations for two under Kino, please," she offered distractedly to the receptionist, ignoring the small frown that plastered over his face.

"Usagi! You made it!" reached her ears as she glanced halfheartedly at the decorations. Blue orbs looked upwards in the artistically dimmed light as emerald eyes grinned at her, and Makoto rushed over to her, enveloping her in a friendly hug. She smiled and greeted her back, quirking her eyebrow slightly at the receptionist's roll of his eyes. He blushed. 

"What, you thought I was going to leave this poor date hanging?" she asked sardonically, grinning at flushed cheeks and sparkling jade orbs. "I hope my personality doesn't carry over as being THAT cruel."

Makoto groaned. "Too late." The maitre'd raised a hand to interject, but the auburn-haired woman shook her head graciously and replied, "I'll take her over to … table 18, right?"

"Ah-yes, ma'am."

As they tapped over expensive marble floors lit and made dazzling by the golden chandeliers, she felt Makoto's disapproving glance on her and turned defensively towards her. "What?"

"You know you should really be more polite to these serving people … they don't get paid enough!"

Rolling her eyes, she moved onwards, passing frowning green eyes. "I don't think this date was a good idea-"

"Nonsense!"

"My Economics exam didn't go very well and practicing for the French speech regarding current affairs with the war carried over into my sleeping hou-"

"But that's over now!"

Usagi sighed loudly and gave Makoto a stern look. "That was yesterday, Mako. My eyes might be open and I might be speaking to you right now, but I'm FAR from awa-"

"Ladies, if you wish to continue this discussion, please carry it into a more private area. Perhaps outside?" a peeved voice requested of them, and livid sapphire eyes turned on the portly, middle-aged man. 

"We were just heading towards our table. Please excuse us," Makoto interjected quickly, glancing warily at the gray storm cloud brewing over her blonde friend's head before tugging her to the thankfully close by table eighteen. 

Green eyes turned towards her. "And don't you dare say a word about the rudeness of these serving people to us, because you know gloating is not a virtue and … Usagi? Are you listening?" Makoto snarled at the frozen woman in front of her, facing towards the table, eyes curiously blank and wide. She snapped her fingers smartly in front of cerulean pools, and Usagi blinked, gaze focusing back on her.

"I'm leaving, Mako," she seethed, anger barely contained.

…………………

"Do you think that was a good idea?" Her mouth opened as she popped a few kernels of microwaved popcorn in, giggling slightly as Sandra Bullock tried to sneak away donuts. Miss Congeniality played vividly on the flat-screen TV. 

Ami sighed and messaged her temples, glancing up at a guilt-stricken agent turned beauty pageant contestant, wondering again who had the bad taste to choose a comedy when they should be worrying about their lives.

"Stop asking that question, Mina. You're making everybody nervous," Rei chided softly, eyes not wavering from the screen, mind barred from just how mad a certain blonde friend would be once she found out she had been set up…the sight that escaped her barricade was not pretty as she winced and gingerly touched her throat, CURRENTLY bruise-free.

Minako sighed and slammed the bucket of butter and popped kernels down angrily. "Nobody has answered that question, and I've asked at LEAST five times already-"

"No, Minako, I don't think it's a good idea, but we decided to be moronic and childish," Ami retorted simply, eyes focused back on the cross-section of a kidney again, repeating five-syllabled words to herself. 

Rolling her eyes at Minako's stunned face, Rei easily replied, "You ask stupid questions, you get stupid answers."

…………………

"NO, Usagi. You are NOT going an-"

"Try and stop me!" she challenged and backed away from the taller woman.

"Please! Give him a shot, will you? What is-"

"Makoto, I've given him ten thousand shots already … what difference is one more going to make?" she retorted quietly, not daring to turn her eyes from flashing green ones.

The emerald orbs rolled upwards. "But he's changed!"

"That's what YOU think!" Her finger jabbed angrily to the figure behind her tall EX-friend. "THAT, my mislead friend, is a CRIMINAL! A-"

A hand smacked across her lightly powdered countenance, and she turned back slowly, staring at a stone-faced Makoto.

"You will not be revealing his identity in public," she ordered quietly, taking advantage of the moment of shock and leading the blonde back towards the table. "I'm sorry, Usagi. It isn't my place to set you two up on a date and slap you … but you must understand the amount of mayhem uttering the fact that he's a pilot will instill in this restaurant. And please, for all of our sakes, Minako, Rei, Ami, and myself, give him another chance."

Bright blue eyes gazed tiredly into emerald ones, and at last she sighed. "Okay. One last chance. But only for you guys."

"Wouldn't have it any other way," Makoto smiled and squeezed her hand comfortingly. "I know you two are perfect for each other. Have fun," she whispered quickly before darting back towards the front door, leaving the blonde desolately alone. 

She rolled blue eyes heavenwards. "Have fun, she says…"

…………………

"Hey, babe. What's up?" greeted her, and Makoto tensed, frozen like a deer in headlights. 

"Duo! Don't do that to me!" she scolded, digging her car keys out of her purse frustratedly, forest-green eyes flashing like many faceted jewels. 

"Sorry," he offered plaintively, and she sighed, giving him a defeated half-smile. "So how did it go?"

"Badly." The car door swung open, and she slid in as Duo entered from the passenger side.

"Badly?"

"Very badly."

The braided man leaned back and sighed. "No wonder you didn't go into creative writing. Your lack of description would make any Lit teacher cringe."

Starting the ignition, Makoto growled in frustration. "How's this: very, very badly."

Duo grinned saucily. "We're improving. Now how did it go _exactly_?"

…………………

He stared at her as she huffily sat down in the chair opposite of him, picked her napkin off of the pristine plate, and arranged it in her lap, not bothering to look up at him once. 

Even with the small frown playing on her face, she was indeed a sight for sore eyes. The simple, lightly-hued dress fitted her well, not challenging her golden tresses or glimmering blue eyes. He hadn't realized he missed seeing her until that painful moment, heart clenching curiously as he was drenched in an odd feeling. For the last five months and twenty-seven days, all he had had were the pictures placed around the apartment. And they truly didn't do her justice.

"Do I get a greeting?" he finally asked, after she moved from arranging her napkin to arranging her coat to taking her coat off to straightening her dress to…

Sharp blue eyes turned up towards him, half-surprised. A thoughtful expression floated over her face and she hastily replied, "Oh. Hi," lips barely pulling upwards though the slight movement could have been a trick of the light.

He raised an eyebrow at her and leaned back, expression faintly incredulous. "I don't see you for half a year and all you have to say is, 'Oh. Hi'?"

She took a deep breath and slowly released it, eyes refusing to meet his. "Look Hiiro. I just want to get this over with, okay? As a favor to my friends."

"Well you sure don't bother to sugar-coat your words," he remarked quietly. She didn't choose to reply and instead glanced up and down the menu.

Hiiro shifted. "Do I at least get an apology for invasion of privacy?"

"What?" Again, wide blue eyes stared into his.

"My laptop."

Her tone came out clipped and forced. "Oh. That."

"Yes. That." He mimicked her tauntingly.

"I'm sorry," she shrugged half-heartedly.

"Even I could apologize better than that."

"Good for you."

Hiiro closed his eyes, praying for patience but was startled out of his collecting himself by the waiter's persistent, "Sir, ma'am, may I take your orders?" 

"I'll have a medium-sized Caesar's salad and red wine," she ordered tersely, nodding pleasantly but briefly at the bowing waiter and handing in her menu.

"Shrimp Alfredo and sherry," he replied to the questioning look shot in his direction before handing over his menu as well.

"Should you be drinking?" she questioned sharply after the waiter bowed himself away.

"Should you?"

"You're driving."

"So are you."

A small smile touched her lips, but her eyes remained coldly aversive to him. "Ah, but that's where you're wrong. According to etiquette, it is the man's duty to drive a lady home."

"Also according to etiquette, a lady should not render herself drunk."

"One should not talk back to a lady."

"One should acknowledge when they have been beaten."

Usagi shot up from her seat and slammed her napkin down. "One should watch their tongue!" she cried angrily, eyes flashing but never meeting his.

"I think you should study that rule as well." His calm tone frustrated her beyond belief.

The waiter interrupted them at that precise moment with a cordial, "Your orders."

Gulping at the wine, she turned and stabbed angrily at the salad.

…………………

There was a faint humming in her head, and her face felt flushed. How many cups of wine had she ordered? Two? Four? Double that, maybe? She'd lost count. The empty plate sat in front of her. He had finished before her and was no longer paying any more attention to her. She didn't know whether she should thank goodness or not.

Suddenly, "Would you like to dance?" pierced through her thoughts, making her jump and turn startled eyes towards him. Sorting dazedly through half sarcastic retorts, she mustered up a pathetic, "Why not."

The lights were whirling around her, dizzying but exhilarating as her icy hands were lightly held in his. She smiled pensively to herself – what a wonderful dream! She was dancing with her beloved, at last, drowning in love and loving every moment of it. Sighing, she edged in closer and leaned her head upon his shoulder.

"Hiiro, tell me about your past," she murmured languorously, smiling up at him. 

The dream tore apart the instant he tensed and stepped back, an unattached look on his face. "We should leave. You're not in your right state of mind."

"What?"

"You're drunk. We're leaving."

"As your date, I believe I have something to say about when we're leaving as well!" Anger flashed and circulated through her veins as her surroundings sharpened from the previous hazy pastel colors.

"We're leaving."

"No, WE'RE not leaving, I'M leaving," she huffed and stormed off towards the front door. The maitre'd who had witnessed the entire battle glanced sympathetically at him.

"Girlfriend?"

The retort leapt from his throat unbidden. "Fiancée," he snapped before his insides froze. If this ever got out… 

"What happened?"

"None of your business." Stomping off, he followed the trail of golden yellow – she was obviously too drunk to get herself home safely…

…………………

It's long, it's long! Seven pages thus far! :D

Amyangel: Thank you! I love them too. :D

The Iron Duke: That was very insightful. I agree with you completely … except maybe the part about somebody will tell Usa if she had just asked … I can see somebody blurting it out but actually, truly and willingly telling her? Who knows. Hiiro's character and all its facets and the reasons behind it weren't truly explored much in this story mainly because it's so short … but your review is more likely than not going to affect much of what I write from now on. Lol! Such impact! :D Thanks for the review!

Key: Hmm … Hiiro does tend to be an idiot at times, no? ^^;;; And Duo and Serena both finally realize it! Lol … as you can see, I'm keeping the responses. :D

Tenshi-Chikyuu: I think it's more because people were frazzled. Especially Duo – he thought he was going to get hell and worse from Hiiro … I guess people aren't just quite thinking right. And thanks! Your review really made me feel better … though when I go back to read the chapter … ugh. Lol. ^^

Brenda-chan: Well … it would seem that people are pretty split up over it … Some favor Hiiro and the others side with Usa. But who knows … thanks for the review though!

Lady Espelle: Thank you! *Bows* ^___~

Obsessed: Here's the update and thanks!

Jade Stellar: Insane … heh heh. *Hiiro blinks up confusedly as the stars are replaced with little skipping Usagis*

Pyro-Girl: Thanks! And here's the next chapter!

KyLara: You think so? WOW! :D

Heart Soul: I should make that my motto. ^___~ It started to get annoying that everybody spoiled Hiiro in a way because of his past. Now, both Quatre and Duo have stood up to him! HA! Lol… People say I'm sadistic … why? (I'm not sure there is much angst from now on…)

Cheska: And the reason she reacted that way isn't necessarily what you think either … nothing dramatic. Just something that makes more sense. You'll see. Next chapter, I think. ^^;;;

Serena Yuy: AHH! *Glomps* You're so nice! That was such a lovely review. ^^;;; Hiiro is becoming a scatter-brain. Lol … I guess love could do that to a person. ^___~ Hmm … she'd probably lead him into thinking she's moving to the other side of the world and instead move across the street. Just to get on his nerves. ^___~ And I didn't know murderers had ratings … lol. Laugh, please. ^^;;; Hiiro/Usa pairing? Hmm … I n ever considered that (just kidding … right?). Thanks for the review! 

Celestial DreamBlaze: YAY! Dare to be different! It's interesting when I can make people get annoyed at the person everybody adores so much … :D Make it up to Hiiro, ne…? Do you hate her more now? Lol. ^^;;;

Alexz: Thick-headed Hiiro … hmm … ah well. I'm sure Usa would get over it … sooner or later … more likely to be later. Lol. ^^

Email: angelight97@yahoo.com

Thanks for reading! Yours, Angel. 


	13. Miracles

Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing or Sailor Moon.

****

Chapter 12: Miracles

The door swung open heavily as she trudged into the kitchen. The living room light was dimly on, but she was in absolutely no mood for Rei's inquisition or pity. 

"Usa-"

"No comment," she cut her raven-haired roommate off shortly before heading towards her room and closing the door quietly.

Rei blinked after her before looking down sadly, mindlessly unfolding and refolding the marked page of her sappy romance novel. Her brow creased in a frown before she reached for the phone and dialed Minako's number.

"Operation Blind Date failed," she greeted grimly but quietly to prevent Usagi from hearing.

The older twin of their target sighed into the phone. "You're telling me."

…………………

Rei looked up as her blonde roommate stormed out of her room and poured herself a glass of orange juice after sticking a slice of bread into one side of the toaster and pressing it down. After much bustling around the kitchen, grabbing the toasted bread, grabbing the knife, finding the strawberry jam, etc, Usagi finally plopped down at the breakfast table, muttering a barely audible, "Mornin'"

Rei smiled to herself – one thing would never change: Usagi wouldn't become a morning person until chickens had puppies. 

Tired but still vibrant blue eyes turned up to her again, wary and disgruntled. "One word about dating or love or anything like that, and I will throttle you."

"Is that any way to treat your roommate?" she teased easily back.

Usagi humphed and bit into her heavily jam-covered toast. 

"I'm sorry if this is violating the rules, but those came in for you this morning. He asks you to meet him at the fountain of the park at 4:00," she continued, indicating a vase of fresh flowers Usagi had passed more than three times in her dazed sleepwalking around the kitchen, preparing breakfast. 

The blonde didn't glance in that direction but instead frowned at her. "It's morning right now."

"Only if you define morning as 2:38," she shot back.

Usagi's jaw fell. "I slept that late?!"

"Flowers?"

Her roommate turned back to her toast. "Throw them away."

"_What_?!" Her fists banged the table as she stood up angrily. "He's sincere, you kn-"

"You're not one to tell me he's sincere! He can't even tell me he loves me – I had waited for over five years for him and after another year, he _finally _shows up again and can't tell me he loves me!"

"He is a _gundam pilot_ for goodness's sake, Usagi! You don't understand what he's seen, how he's been trained!"

"Well, Rei, excuse me if I can't see how a person cannot tell the woman he supposedly loves that he loves her after having over _six_ years to brood over it!" The milk in the glass swished dangerously as she too stood and banged her hands on the table. 

"Consider going at least! He had the kindness to drive you home last night!"

"We didn't talk, Rei."

Violet eyes blinked away as she sat back down. "It's not my business-"

"You're damn right it isn't!"

She continued, unfazed, "-but I would like for you to go, if at all possible."

"No it isn't. Besides, I have an interview with some company in Houston. I have to leave on a 5:00 plane."

"What?! When did this happen?"

Usagi smiled guiltily at her as she sat back down as well. "This firm offered me a job-"

"You haven't even graduated yet!"

She shrugged. "One more year. Not even."

"B-but … you'll be leaving him forever?"

The blonde breathed in deeply. "Why does it always come back to him? Hiiro, Hiiro, Hiiro. Is he the center of your lives?"

Rei winced at the feigned teasing tone. "Sorry. So what about this company?"

"I'd be a financial consultant … and in Houston, maybe I'll have a slim chance of utterly forgetting the name Hiiro."

"Can't you go this afternoon?"

Usagi was silent as she gazed out of the large window next to the both of them, streaming sunlight onto the lightly colored table. Finally, she sighed and smiled. "To say goodbye."

…………………

Her mind was in turmoil as she marched towards the gardens in the park after taking a short bus ride there. Rei had promised her her luggage would get taken care of – she herself would take it to the airport. That was not the problem. She had told everybody else and found, to her utter delight, that Ami might be heading south with her after the high-salaried offer she had received in Fort Worth. That was not the problem either.

She was scared. Scared breathless. So scared that her thoughts darted around in her head in incoherent little strips of color, leaving barely anything in their wake. And Usagi Tsukino, soon to be Harvard graduate, did NOT like to be scared.

The distant blobs of color neared and separated into petals and bundles of flowers. The decoratively and neatly kept beds appealed to the eye, but her heart was pounding too loudly and distractingly for her to notice.

She prayed that he had forgotten. That he decided to chicken out and not show up. Irony decided to allow him to catch sight of her at that exact moment.

"Usagi," he greeted tersely. She mustered up a small smile.

"Hiiro. What am I here for?"

"I heard about Houston."

Her lips curved up in a smile. "It's quite a deal." She didn't even make an effort to avoid the silence that followed. Finally, he spoke again.

"Does my past really bother you that much?" he questioned, no inflection in his voice, staring steadily into her eyes. She looked aside and sighed. 

"It's not really that, Hiiro. Let's just say I'm more upset that you lied to me." Her voice sounded small and tired.

"It was for your own good," he argued.

He stared at her as she laughed. "I thought five years of friendship meant more than that. I thought you trusted me more." The words, though light, carried a darker and deeper meaning.

He was silent for a moment before curtly replying, "Don't go."

Her eyes flashed up at him. "Are you commanding me?"

"I-no," he returned shakily.

"Good. Is that all you had to say? May I leave now?"

"Usagi … stay here. Marry me," he pleaded tonelessly, and she stared wistfully up at him.

"Only if you can tell me you love me … the offer stands," she stated quietly, looking anywhere but at him. 

The words that he had practiced for over five months stuck at his throat. She sighed.

"I'm sorry Hiiro, but I have a plane to catch at 5:00." She grinned bitterly up at him and turned to leave. "Oh and … goodbye," she called over her shoulder before swiftly striding out of the park. Hailing a taxi, she headed towards the airport, unconsciously praying that he would come after her.

…………………

He stared at the flickering digits, dancing dangerously near to 5:00. The need to punch the taxi car watch in was suppressed but just barely. Instead, he turned his eyes to the speed meter and growled at the driver to speed up. The smart alec flicked him off.

Tension was high and automatically, his hand reached for the gun in his back pocket. Grabbing it, he brought it slowly up to the driver's head, calmly ordering him to, quote, hurry the hell up, unquote. 

The car jerked forward with a satisfactory screech of tires.

………………….

She rushed into the brightly-lit airport, frigidly cold, just as she had remembered it. Gate numbers loomed up above her as she bypassed security and headed towards Gate 26.

The verdict was in. He had rejected her completely, despite five years of friendship and another year to think over it. Even now … he didn't trust her … he probably never planned to tell her that he was a Gundam pilot if she hadn't found out. But if she had accepted his proposal would he have…

She shook her head and accepted that she truly didn't understand him. Her impression of war had always been of tighter food rations, missing Dad and Sammy, and the constant urgent broadcasts on every news station. How could she possibly understand him? Especially when he didn't want her to?

She had always known Hiiro was a tad overprotective of his loved ones though it hardly showed behind the barrage of silence and death threats. She understood that he thought she was some pure, innocent life on the sidelines that didn't need to be dragged into the arena but…

"Pure and innocent, my foot," she laughed softly to herself. 

Her heart hurt from all the what-if's going around in her brain.

Had she made the right choice?

…………………

Getting out of the car, suddenly remembering he hadn't brought his wallet, he growled and hurriedly emptied the magazine* before tossing the weapon towards the man across from him.

"Your payment," he muttered to the stunned driver and headed towards the front doors.

Besides, leaving the gun behind worked out – he would never have been able to get through security had he brought it. Sighing, he shook his head and sprinted in – it was his favorite gun too…

…………………

She closed her eyes and hoped against hope that he would arrive but already hope was dwindling. The call for rows 1-16 to board echoed emptily, and she got up, waiting for the next call. She glanced at her ticket and sighed. Houston … heard it was pretty darn humid down there. Cowboys? Horses? She didn't prefer to live in a Western movie but … the pay was most definitely good considering she was just graduating … and money makes the world go 'round, no?

…………………

He rushed onwards into the airport, silently cursing the slight delay when he had to drop his keys out of his pocket. 

Damn it! He didn't know the gate number!

The urge to walk over to the nearest wall and start banging his head was logically held back – he didn't want to make a public fool out of himself. The search slowed down quite dramatically as he scanned each waiting area with calculating eyes.

"Flight 895 to Houston, Texas is now boarding rows 17-29. Please board at Gate 26…"

The rest of the words trailed off into oblivion as he raced forward with a spurt of energy, desolation nipping at his heels. Looking up at the tiered ceiling, he closed his eyes and mentally thanked whatever kind of being was up there.

…………………

She slowly got up and headed towards the flight attendant, getting into the semi-long line.

Hope died a long time ago.

…………………

"Usagi!" he yelled and ignored the heads that turned. Only one pair of eyes mattered to him and, as if in slow motion, the blonde head turned back, eyes wide with surprise and tears. Tears?

"Please stay," he pleaded, breathing slightly audible after the short sprint. He grabbed her shoulders as if reassuring himself that she would not be able to go.

Her eyes closed. "Do you love me?" The tone was begging him to say yes. He stopped short. In all the hurry to get to her, the need to say three words had been pushed out of his mind. Until now.

His slightly accelerated breathing filled the space between them. 

Her eyes turned sadly towards him. "Hiiro, what is wrong with you? You've dragged me through this all through high school, and you're still trying to make me miserable? It's just love you know! Really … three words and I'm yours forever." 

He finally had something to say. "It may just be love to you … but to me, it's so much more…"

Delicate sapphire watered at this. "Why? I don't know your past at all," she concluded, looking back at the gate. The echoed call for rows 30-37 reverberated to her ears.

Taking a deep breath, three small words inched out, "I love you."

Wide cerulean eyes widened even further at this as she gaped at him. "What?"

"I love you, Usagi. Ever since … forever." 

Disbelief dissolved to tears dissolved to laughter as she swung her arms around him. "I love you too,  
was whispered in his ear. "You have no idea how long I've waited to hear that…"

He sighed relievedly as the tension flew from his body. "You have no idea how long I've waited to say that." His voice cracked but no embarrassment bubbled up.

The waiting room around them erupted in applause, and Usagi's eyes widened as a blush tinted her cheeks.

"Ladies and gentlemen, flight 895 to Houston, Texas has been delayed. Please check the screens located in each waiting area and near the exits for exact times and details."

Her jaw dropped.

"What, you thought we were going to just let you go without a single protest, Meatball Head?" Rei teased lightly as she stood up from one of the seats, grinning and referring back to an old high school nickname.

"I-"

"And we all thought you knew us better than that, Usa!" Ami giggled, appearing from behind. 

"Shame how you don't know your own twin well enough to anticipate this!" Minako huffed, appearing from their right and crossing her arms over her chest.

"Took you all long enough! If Hiiro hadn't come, I would have been on that plane long before that announcement," Usagi shot back, arms still wrapped around Hiiro, never letting go. Never.

"And we would have went in there after you," Ami grinned.

Rei shook her head. "Besides, deep down, did you really think you were going to leave?"

Another laugh joined them as Makoto entered on their left. "Took you long enough though, Hiiro! Better take care of our little Meatball Head here," she grinned but raised a fist, threatening. 

"Until forever," Usagi laughed, fingers entwined with his as she swung her arm upwards giddily.

"And Hiiro?"

"Hn."

"We're not getting married until at LEAST half a year from now."

…………………

Only epilogue left! ^_____^

Heart Soul: Lol. The fiancee part was completely on my whim and I never follow it up with anything. And Hiiro agreed to the date because he loved her! Or at least … we think he did. ^___~ I don't know what I'm thinking either. :D

TyBass3: Welcome onboard! We're almost done but … ^___~

Pyro-Girl: Here's more! It's almost over … I'm not sure whether or not I'll miss it but … ^___~

Serenity Silver Dragon: **blushes** Thanks so much! :D

Alexz: Wow! You're still here! :D Here's more. 

LeaD: Wow! You can actually stand it for five chapters. -___-;;; I'm very flattered … but if you do ramble … it'd probably only take five minutes for you to run out of words. ^____~

Kaze: Hmm … kind of long. Not as long as last chapter, I guess but last chapter was primarily dialogue. Lol … the easiest way to write a chapter – make it all dialogue. ^___~ Hopefully by now the readers are appeased because this is NOT a cliffhanger and it's almost over. **Sigh** No more cliffhangers for this fic! :D 

Lady Espelle: You're confused? Ack! That's not good … where did I mess up? I know I should explain the ring but it doesn't really need to be explained and it might seem extra and irrelevant especially at this point. Though I loved your explanation! :D 

SilverGundamu BladeWingu Neo: No, no, no! Don't hate Hiiro! ;_; I mentioned that there was a passing of some time between the ring and the roommate but … I don't think I emphasized it enough … isn't an author supposed to mention all important facts three times? Hmm…and the missions. Arg …. **Blushes** This is so embarrassing. I have a major problem with keeping in mind that the war is still raging outside … I think I mentioned it in the epilogue though. As for Relena … I like Hiiro but I don't hate her at all … but my exposure to Relena has only been through EW and Gundam Wing fanfiction. Somehow the condemning that is so often in crossovers never did affect me. **Shrugs** Though I suppose the exposure to her in EW would be very different from seeing her in episode one in GW because … she supposedly matures a lot through the series, right? Thanks for your comments!

Cheska: Reasonings … do they make sense? I hope so! And what would be your preferred chapter length? Lol … it's just not as suspenseful and tends to get boring once I exceed 10 pages but … hmmm … Lol. ^___~

Obsessed: Thanks! And thank goodness it's almost over…

Celestial DreamBlaze: Darn it. Another hole. I guess Usa's suffering wasn't that evident because she was busy trying to forget him … hmm … -____-;;; Actually long reviews, no matter talking about what, brighten my day! :D Lol. And yours did. ^___~

KyLara: ARG! There are so many things wrong with this fic! And Usa never really finds out what Hiiro said because … how would she? I can't imagine Hiiro telling her…and the waiter … **sigh** Too many problems this late in the fic. -___-;;; Thanks for the review! And here's the update. ^___^

Jade Stellar: I'm sorry! Lol. ^____^ Poor Hiiro … **grins** In this state he'll tell the truth…right? Who do you love, Hiiro? Hiiro: …Treize. O___O;;; Thanks for the review! ^^

Serena Yuy: I never noticed the mood swings until now. Lol. Maybe it was due to my mood swings while I wrote it … don't really remember though. ^___^ Poor Usagi … a brat now. ^^;;; I tried to explain somewhat in this chapter but again, this is how I see it: Hiiro hurt Usagi for several years and even though he never knew it, the last part without his confession to her WAS, in part, his fault. Not to mention the way he treated her throughout the five years they roomed together. However, one can most definitely assign all the blame to Dr. J. And Usagi, being a mere civilian in this war doesn't realize what the war truly is, as is often for civilians during the war. They don't quite understand the emotions of the people who've been there because the only way they could would be if THEY had been there themselves. And so, she doesn't understand Hiiro's inability to say "I love you' and therefore blames it on that he does NOT love her at all. From my view: the angst had to be equal on both sides – Usagi got it for the first few chapters (especially with Minako coming and etc) and Hiiro got it in the last few chapters. **Shrugs** But it's true – it's not fair. Lol. 

Thanks for your comments, everybody! 


	14. Just Love

Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing or Sailor Moon … ::sigh:: But I believe my parents are hinting towards buying me BOTH of them for Christmas! Umm … of course, they COULD mean the DVDs or something…

Editors: Aren't you guys happy this nightmare is finally over? I'm still spinning from that special. ::bleah:: Thanks to Usagi Asia Maxwell, Autumn Hime, Lady Artemis, and DevilsDarling. ^____^

Warnings: 

Major sappiness. Ugh. ::looks down at hands disgustedly:: I can't believe I typed all that out … ::sigh:: Not to mention it continues on, and on, and ON! This chapter is now NINE pages! WOW!!! Nine pages of sap … -_-''' And not very GOOD sap at that. ::sigh:: Lastly, as a warning: don't pay attention to the song … it makes NO sense according to this story when translated … but it's a pretty song! :D ****

Epilogue: It's Just Love! 

**__**
    
    
    Mae bure mo naku,
    Yobidasu no tenki ga ii kara.
    (I called you up without advance notice because the weather was nice.)
    

The large, purposely frosted glass filtered silver light through delicate swirls of crystalline roses. Usagi sighed and smiled back outside at the afternoon sun.

"Ow! Watch it, Mina!" she yelped. Her glove-covered hand hovered near golden hair that was being tied up so intricately that the bulk of it nearly disappeared in a maze of frills and curls, tendrils and braids.

"Sorry!" 

Ami sighed and glanced up from the guest list. "I simply don't understand! There are two hundred and fifty-seven people coming, but the names go on until two hundred and sixty-three!"

"Did you count the five of us and Hiiro?" Rei giggled as she straightened the wedding skirt around her blonde friend.

Ami's face reddened.

"Ami's getting old?" the raven-haired bridesmaid crowed jokingly as she blushed even harder.

"Who would've thought Usa would get married first out of all of us? After she threatened to never marry?" Makoto piped up, glancing through the slight crevice of the door as guests poured into the church.

"Yeah. You're making the rest of us feel old, Usa!" Minako winked at her in the mirror. 

"You _are_ all old," she shot back, giggling as a pout formed on her twin's features.

Smiling gently back at the four of her friends in the mirror, she sighed dreamily and tried not to fidget under Minako's tampering with her golden tresses. Memories surfaced in her head.

**__**
    
    Watashi wo machi bouke sasete.
    Nani you no tsumori?
    (You stood me up. Who do you think you are?!)

__

Usagi leaned back into her pillow and glanced at her watch: 10:21. Still no Hiiro. 

Why do you even care, idiot Usagi?_ she questioned herself, miffed at her traitorous thoughts. Sniffing, she turned deep azure eyes to the white moon outside, ignoring her own question. Moonlight highlighted the room's creamy carpet and ivory-colored walls. _

Ever since they were kids, she and Hiiro had been what you might call friends. Of course, perhaps it would be wiser to assume after taking into consideration the fact that Hiiro considered Duo his friend, though the world as we know it would end before he admitted it, and the poor braided man was threatened with a handgun 24-7.

Hearing the front door open, Usagi averted her eyes from the moon imprisoned behind orderly blinds and strained her ears to hear the conversation of Hiiro and this date. 

A girly voiced giggled and said, "Well, I'll see you tomorrow then, Hii-chan!"

Her roommate replied with a "Hn" before murmuring a barely audible good-bye and closing the door quietly.

****
    
    Hashitte kita no wakatte 'ru,
    Kedo sonna koto wa atarimae yo!

(I know your past, but I still deserve more than that!)

__

"All done!" She started out of her reverie and automatically glanced up to meet two semi-teary pairs of eyes as the remaining two girls rushed to get a glimpse of their finished masterpiece. She stared at herself. A mature and poised young woman looked back out at her, deep pools of sapphire glowing with an inner fire and face radiant in subtle shades of rose. Dark lashes were curled up as golden curls piled upon her head, falling down in a short waterfall of gold.

"You're a miracle worker, Mina," she breathed and saw a reflecting grin in the mirror. 

"Hey! Don't give HER all the credit! We had to take care of everything else so that she had time to devote to this!" Makoto teased, beaming at the bride. 

Her eyes started to water.

"Don't cry! Don't cry, don't cry, don't cry!" Minako cried anxiously. "If you do, we'll have to spend another hour touching up that eye make-up!"

Usagi groaned. "I won't cry," she promised, face slightly contorting at the thought of another hour with Minako up in her face, going from one color to the next to create the perfect shade of eye-shadow.

"Okay, stand up," Rei commanded after one last trim of her scissors as a thin strip of rich, white silk trailed from her hand. She complied, loving the feeling of the silk sliding around her in a promising rustle. 

This was the day.

Narrowing her violet eyes as she motioned for the blonde to twirl, Rei sighed, satisfied. "It's perfect. The veil?" Her hand reached out behind her, waiting for the light mesh gathered around a decorative tiara.

Minako snatched it out of Rei's hand as the fiery-tempered girl gave an indignant cry.

"Hair was my job so I get to put the veil on!" the blonde justified.

Usagi sighed as an argument ensued. "How 'bout _I_ put on my own veil?" she offered before two pairs of eyes turned to her and both participants of the contention blushed furiously. Minako timidly handed the veil to her. 

Ami's thoughtful blue eyes scanned over the finished result. "Perfect," she quirked a small smile. Her eyes automatically flew to Usagi's trembling hands, and she blinked, frowning.

"What's wrong? Isn't this what you've always wanted?"

The blonde smiled weakly back at her. "I'm just trying to get over cold feet."

"Cold feet? If _you_ have cold feet then we are probably all going to run away from our weddings! Usagi, you and he are DESTINED!" Rei gushed as Minako emphatically nodded.

"Oh gosh, guys…" Warmth rushed to her eyes again.

"NO! Absolutely NO crying! Maybe after the wedding pictures but NO CRYING!"

Ami shot her a sympathetic smile. "I'll go now … have to get the guest list going…"

Rei and Makoto stood up and headed after the brunette. "See you at the end of the aisle, Usa!" 

Her twin grinned at her one last time. 

Her fears rose to her throat again. "Mina … do you … do you, you know-"

"Ever regret you and Hiiro?"

A barely audible "Yes" reached her ears, and she smiled softly at Usagi.

"Do I look like I regret it?"

She quickly backed away as Usagi rushed on, intent upon hugging her. "NO! No hugs! It'll ruin your make-u-" 

A sincere, crushing embrace interrupted her. She smiled but sighed angrily when Usagi backed off.

"Look what you did! Now we have to touch up on the eyelin-"

"I love you, Minako," blue eyes sparkled at her. "And I don't really care if the eyeliner is one shade lighter," she giggled. 

The blonde smiled defeatedly. "I'll be going then too … don't be late to your own wedding, okay, Sis?"

"I'm not that bad!" she cried after her, but by then the blonde was already gone.

**__**
    
    Just Love!
    Ki ni kuwanai aitsu Ijiwaru wo shichau no wa, 

"suki da kara" yo.
    
    (Just love! God, I hate him! I'm mean to you only because I'm in love with you.)
    

__

Geometry. A.k.a. her worst class this year. She heaved a sigh of distaste before sinking into her chair and picking out her homework from the messy stack of papers shoved haphazardly into what might have passed for a binder half a year ago.

"All right, class, we'll check the proofs first. Miss Tsukino, how many steps did you get for the first problem?"

Usagi scowled darkly at the teacher. Why did he have to always pick on her?! "Five?" she squeaked, smiling uncertainly.

"Do you realize, Miss Usagi, that this proof was not possible with anything less than fourteen steps?" His voice was pleasantly nice, instantly alerting the danger alarms in her mind.

She glanced at him nervously, wondering whether or not that was a rhetorical question. "No?"

"That was a rhetorical question." She had guessed wrong. Again. 

"Mr. Yui. How did you complete this proof?" The professor turned and smiled adoringly at his best student.

"First step is the given. Then Angle Addition Postulate to come up with angles ABC and BDE..."

His voice droned on monotonously as the professor shot her pointed looks, obviously telling her this_ was what a _real_ student was like. She tried to ignore him to the best of her ability and instead glared for all she was worth at Mr. Perfect Student. He just _had_ to embarrass her every single day, didn't he? For once, could he not get a problem _wrong_? Likewise, could that monster of a professor not question her on a problem she got _right_?_

While glaring at the back of his shirt, she saw him turn and smirk at her before receiving the teacher's praise with a straight face. Usagi narrowed her eyes and fumed. 

One day, she was going to get him.

****
    
    Just love!
    Ki ni naru kara itsu mo,
    Muri na koto itchau no.
    (Just love! Because I'm attracted to you, I always say impossible things to you.)

Usagi smiled thoughtfully to herself and tugged the veil over her face, glancing again into the mirror and almost losing her breath at the sight. Was the woman reflected back at her, blinking bemusedly, truly her? Smiling, she backed out of the room. 

__

I've waited for my prince for six years with him in my sight and finally, finally_, he sees me too._

**__**
    
    Chotto, gomen.

...Just love...
    
    (I guess, I sorry...Just love...)
    

"Hiiro! Wow! You're getting hitched! Never thought I'd see the day but…"

"Shut up, Maxwell," Wufei snarled as he rolled obsidian eyes. "You're making me nervous."

"Awww! Is Wu-man nervous about a teensy weensy wedding? Besides, it's not as if you're Quatre or anything – he's giving her away!"

"Would both of you shut up?" Hiiro growled, untying his tie for the umpteenth time and retying it, frowning at the crooked angle it made with his chest.

Silence echoed in the room for a few blissful seconds before, "But you know what tonight is, right, Hiiro? The wedding night?" Duo snapped his fingers disappointedly. "I still can't believe you're going to get laid before any of us."

"Duo!" Quatre cried, mortified as he blushed to the roots of his hair.

"I'm not marrying her just for sex."

The braided man humphed and strolled towards the window. "Don't act all high and mighty with us, Hiiro! No man is above sex."

Trowa sighed and messaged his temples tiredly. "How did you two end up being half brothers?"

"WHAT?!" Quatre and Wufei yelped out simultaneously as two pairs of eyes tracked Trowa's every move. 

"The birth certificates we had to find for the wedding indicated that Duo and Hiiro were half brothers. By their father's s-"

"WHAT?!"

Hiiro closed his eyes and tried to draw forth the silence in his mind. "I don't need to be reminded of this."

"Talk about opposite ends of the gene pool," Quatre muttered to himself.

Growling at another unsuccessful attempt to tie the idiotic tie, he glanced out of the window, mood brightening slightly. He had been so different before…

**__**

Kyou wa ude ni yori wo, 

Kakete go-chisou shite ageru.
    
    (Today, I ran from your arms as you were taking me to dinner.)
    

__

"Hiiro Yui," a voice carried past the doorway before the speaker stepped into the lab. 

He looked up, eyes signaling a question that was only perceivable by a select few. 

"That will be your new name, boy. Do you know who he is?" 

"Hn," he muttered, again, eyes signaling a near-invisible yes. 

"Just like Mr. Yui, you will be the symbol of peace for the colonies. Remember that, Hiiro. You are the_ symbol, not _a_ symbol. Keep that in mind," the doctor commanded and strode out, not bothering to catch the boy's last distracted nod._

Something bubbled up in his mind at the name and then faded again, bubbled, faded, bubbled, faded ... 

Over the years he had managed to convince his purged mind that he had always been like this -- without memories or emotions. Born like it, you might say. That was much easier to deal with than the devastating thought that he had once had emotions, once possessed them, once was normal, once was okay, once was ... human. Thinking that he was naturally without a conscience made it easier to cope with the uncalled for moments of longing or feelings of inexplicable happiness or even pools of sadness. 

Over time his mind had started accepting the idea. And what an amazing thing the human mind is, willing to adjust to its owner's wishes and provide sympathy by allowing memories to fade into voids of night.

"Hiiro Yui," he murmured to himself, letting it slide over his tongue with ease. He was a symbol of hope now? As if the normal stresses of adolescence weren't enough ... of course, he was far from normal ... naturally he didn't experience attacks of the hateful puppy love or even strands of friendship ... and he'd personally like to keep it that way.

…right?

**__**
    
    Parapeko ni shite ie ni ,
    Kite o-miyage wo motte.

(Starving, I went home to wait for an apology.)

The war was still going on, and he and Usagi had a lot to sort through – broken pasts, emotions… But they'd pull through. He knew it. Somehow, they would pull through.

"So what's up with you guys?" a breathless voice drifted into the room, and he glanced up, startled out of his train of thought. A rosy-cheeked Relena beamed at all five of them. 

"They're almost ready for you guys, you know." Her high-heeled sandals tapped over to him, and she sighed defeatedly. "What is the thing with men and ties? I will never understand it," she complained while unknotting the silk contraption and retying it properly. 

"Miss Relena? I didn't know you were able to make it."

"Even if I had to cancel a few conferences, I'm here! I wouldn't miss this for the world," she grinned. Turning back, she automatically blurted out, "You look nervous, Hiiro."

"I'm not."

"You're not a very good liar, Yui," Wufei snorted. 

"I'm _not_ nervous," he repeated, shooting a glare at all five occupants of the room. 

"Okay. Sure. You're not nervous," Duo sighed. "I'll be going though … Quatre, you should get a move-on! You're walking her down the aisle, 'member?"

All occupants of the room made a general movement towards the door. "I won't be long," the platinum-haired millionaire promised as he waved the four people out of the room. 

"Do you ever regret it?" he asked quietly to the remainder of the previous crowd, studying the knot that Relena had formed, trying to memorize how exactly to tie it.

Blue eyes blinked up at him. "Regret what?"

"Letting her go." His eyes didn't seek out the other man's.

Quatre laughed. "I regret it every day."

Hiiro tensed but allowed silence to pass.

"But you two are obviously destined for each other … take good care of her, all right? And don't be late." He smiled sweetly back at the groom and exited the room, closing the door behind him gently.

**__**
    
    Sakarau nante juu-nen hayai.
    Ima ni itai me ni au wa yo.

(How could I be so naive, defy you? Now it hurts to meet your gaze.)

__ ****

_A week had passed since he had lived with the man who called himself Odin Lowe and still he wasn't given a name. Throughout the week, he had gone through vigorous training, holding many models and types of weapons in his small hands and then aiming. Odin told him about his 'side job' and how a mission could come at any moment. _

He stared at himself in the mirror, noting still wide, child-like eyes, burning a dark blue flame, with blue smoke clouding over. He turned on the faucet, splashed three splashes of water upon himself, and wiped his face dry with a sleeve. The action seemed familiar ... he stood, breath abated, hoping for a memory to come to him like it often did in amnesiac patients. Nothing.

Sighing softly, he looked at himself in the mirror and hesitantly cracked a smile. His eyes, a sullen blue, dark with memories his mind can't reach narrowed slightly as his lips curved into the smile. 

A few blinks of the eye went by before he relaxed his face. No, something that beautiful should never appear on so grief-stricken a face. 

He'd never let a smile dawn upon his face again, he promised himself before flipping the light off with a chubby, six-year-old hand.

****
    
    Just Love!
    Me wo hikarasete 'ru no,

Sukoshi demo nokoshitara yurusanai wa.
    
    (Just love! Because only a little of the brightness remains in my eyes. I'll never forgive you!)
    

She grabbed onto Quatre's arm as he offered her a gentle smile. Her lips nervously quirked back. She could barely feel her fingers…they were _that_ cold. The joyful melody carried towards every ear in the church as they entered, following the petal-strewing flower girl.

One by one, the required members of the bridal party made their way down the aisle. Their smiles were genuine and beautiful as people snapped pictures. The endless flashing felt like a tidal wave of bright lights.

Quatre patted Usagi's arm comfortingly and gave her a tender look when the prompt of the wedding march lifted to the air. It was the cue that signaled the bride's entrance.

Hiiro looked up as the entire church held its breath and rose to their feet, turning anxiously to the back of the church as the most alluring creature glided in through tall, imposing doors. 

The whole church seemed to fall into a mesmerized trance. It was as if a single gasp escaped each of their lips at the same time. Eyes widened and admired the exquisite enchantress that appeared at the doorway. She was a seraph; she was anything heavenly that was too perfect for this world.  


Her very image took Hiiro's breath away, and he was frozen to the spot. 

Quatre smiled as person after person stood up to snap photos of the bride. The flower-strewn altar loomed ever closer as the grip on his arm tightened. He couldn't feel his fingers anymore … the circulation had long been cut off.  


With every step, Hiiro came closer and when she reached his side, he stared at her, sharp eyes piercing as if unable to believe the sight in front of him. Usagi struggled to stop trembling.

"Dearly beloved," the priest began graciously. "We are gathered here today……"

But the voice of the holy man sank back into nothingness. They whirled by in a flash of neon lights and frilly lace. Somewhere in the mix, he remembered uttering "I do."

"Then, with the power granted to me, I hereby pronounce you man and wife. You may kiss the bride." Her eyes fluttered shut as he edged closer, and their lips finally met, igniting a spark that would burn until the end of their lives. 

**__**
    
    Just Love!
    Kokoro wo kometa kara,

Mazui hazu nai ja nai ajiwatte, ne.
    
    (Just love! Because what I keep in my heart should not taste so bitter…should it?)
    

They pulled apart, oblivious to the commotion around them as he led her out of the church, piercing blue eyes dazzling as showers of colored petals whispered down around them.

"Wufei, this is the perfect chance for us to get married too!" Duo crowed happily, already running towards the door, anticipating the furious yell and rushing after him on the Chinese pilot's part.

Makoto groaned. "You're CHEATING on me, Duo?!"

Shaking her head defeatedly, Usagi smiled up at him as he led her out of the church. He planted a soft kiss on the top of her head, silently promising her eternity.

Besides, maybe William Shakespeare deserved some credit after all – it was indeed better to have loved and lost than never loved at all. Of course, it was also exponentially better to have loved and lost and loved again than never loved at all.

~*~

She frowned at the tapped out letters on the dim laptop. Somehow the ending didn't quite work out … A warm body shifted next to her as an arm swung over her waist. Giggling, she smiled down at slightly sleepy but still piercing arctic blue orbs.

"Awake?" she teased.

"I never should have gotten that laptop for you for your birthday," he growled back groggily.

"Go back to sleep, honey," she scolded mockingly.

"You should do the sa-"

A sharp wail broke through his sleepy words as arctic blue snapped open, completely coherent.

"It's your turn," she smiled as he groaned and swung his legs off out from under warm covers.

Grinning at him as he walked out of the room, tugging a robe on, she gently took the laptop off of her lap and tiptoed after him. A heartwarming sight met cerulean eyes. Rini's pink curls peeked up from her father's shoulder as the one-year-old closed wide, curious, blue eyes, sighing a relieved sigh.

She crept back to the bedroom and took up the laptop again. One line came to mind – the perfect one – the only one that could describe her life, her fate, the love in Hiiro and Rini's eyes.

"Go to sleep," he ordered her as he came back into the room and climbed back into bed. 

"Just one more line, dear," she smiled distractedly, fingers tapping away.

"Hn," he muttered. She felt his warm breath on her arm as he moved to tamper with the machine in her lap.

Clicking save, she gasped as the laptop went dark.

"Hiiro!"

"Sleep. Now."

Sighing exasperatedly, she obliged and turned the light off, slipped under warm covers, and snuggled up to his side, utterly content.

The last line rang out in her head as sparkling sapphire eyes stared into the darkness and a glowing smile took a hold of her features. They closed as his steady heartbeat drowned out all other thoughts.

_It was just love, really … but in the end, it was also so much more…_

****
    
    ...Just love...

(...Just love...)

****

…………………
    
    It's OVER! FINALLY!!! :D

Kamikaze Newt: Thanks! I needed to be reminded. ^___~ ::waves at Hiiro::

Senshi's Tenshi: Here's the epilogue! Thank you so much!! :D And always listen to the doctors because ::whispers:: they're right. ^___~

Jupiter Angel: Well! Great minds do think alike, don't they? :D I wanted to do the wedding too … though this might have gone a bit overboard. I think it got exceedingly sappy and dull. ^^;;

Jemjols: Ack! I just realized I hadn't reviewed for the last chapter of AGF!! ::tears at hair:: Lol. I'll go, I'll go. SM x GW fanfiction, yes, I'll keep on writing but … wonderful? ^____~

Jade Stellar: Tsk tsk tsk. Hiiro, Hiiro, Hiiro. Now that you're traumatized, go over to Vixen's fic and do a little of that, okay? There's a good boy. ::pats him on head:: Thanks for the review! :D

Brenda-chan: And I'm with you! :D How true, indeed. :D Thanks!

Alexz: Thank you! Though … don't you like angst more? LOL. I do. ^_____~

Pyro-Girl: It is? Dang it … I must be so weird loving angst more than this. ^^;;; But thank you! And I, for one, am SO glad it's over. ^^;;;

Serena Yuy: LOL. Thanks for all the great reviews! And you know me! Sooner or later, usually later, I always put them together! :D 

Heart Soul: Ah … more title insertions. LOL. Me, smooth? :D Hiiro practiced bunches in front of the mirror. Five months! :D Loose ends tied up? Ahh … not at all, not at all. ::sigh:: I'm horrible at tying up loose ends … there are a lot of things that were never truly explained … but that's okay! :D

Key: Ack! Thank you, thank you! I can't believe anybody would miss it because I personally will NOT but … thank you! ^^

Silver Blade Silencer: Oh … I kinda cheat with your name. Cut and paste. ^^;; I want to see GW but then I don't … my illusions of it might be shattered. Like when I first watched EW … Duo's voice totally caught me off guard! LOL. And … ::blushes:: I mentioned the war again. ^^;;; And the whole part about living in a western movie in Houston? Totally a stereotype that people who don't live in Texas have. People, c'mon! Nobody rides horses to school in Texas. LOL. ^^;;; Thanks for you reviews! :D

Kaze: Thank you!! Here's the end, FINALLY! :D

Obsessed: Thank you! ^____^

Sunshine Fia: Lol … married soon? Hmm … with the six weeks limit that Usagi set and everything … I'd think this was … two months later? Lol. Depends on how you define "soon" I guess. Thank for the reviews! :D

Ryouga Saiyuki: ::glances around:: Shh! Don't tell! Lol. I actually tried to keep Hiiro's point of view limited .. at one point … LOL. Apparently it worked a bit too well. ^^;; I can't wait for more analysis! :D

Thanks everybody for sticking with me throughout this … this … Well, thanks anyway! :D

*****If anybody's interested in being alerted of updates, please email me at Angelight98@hotmail.com with the subject line "Subscribe: Mailing List" and I'd be glad to notify you every time I update something! :D

Yours, Angel.  



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